It's that time of the year again!

masimatutu@nerdica.net to Programmer Humor@programming.dev – 1176 points –
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At the very least I'd try to clean up that fuzzy condition on behavior to anticipate any bad or inconsistent data entry.

WHERE UPPER(TRIM(behavior)) = 'NICE'

Depending on the possible values in behavior, adding a wildcard or two might be useful but would need to know more about that field to be certain. Personally I'd rather see if there was a methodology using code values or existing indicators instead of a string, but that's often just wishful thinking.

Edit: Also, why dafuq we doing a select all? What is this, intro to compsci? List out the values you need, ya heathen ;)

(This is my favorite Xmas meme lol)

That’s a table scan, right there. Naughty.