At what level do ISPs control ports?
I'm aware most ISPs do not allow for port 25 to be open for email use outside of business licenses, but at what level is that controlled? Can I get around that by owning my own router? Owning my own modem or ONT? Or is this just a thing they mystically control further up the pipeline that a relative layman such as myself can't get around?
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I've been running my own mail server using Mail-in-a-box on a digitalocean VPS for about 10 years. I also pay for an external SMTP relay service because I still get randomly blocked by Google/Microsoft/whatever just by virtue of having a digitalocean IP.
Total cost is $15/mo for the VPS and $50/yr for the relay service.
You're already using an SMTP relay so why not host your Mail-in-a-box server at home? Been doing that for years. Also, check out Mailcow if you're interested in running your server as a docker container.
I've been running my own mail server since ~2002. For many years I was using qmail, of all things, on a home ISP connection. I wrote a semi-popular guide on adding spamassassin support to qmail. I was a true believer!
When hosting email from consumer internet became untenable, I migrated to digitalocean and Mail-in-a-box. To be honest, it's worth the $15 to have a 100% always-on device hosting the email. I host lots of other stuff at home and having email be a separate thing makes it much easier.