Absolutely, I could still have done what @Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone said in time, but I made this meme instead.

Store-bought packed cake it is, then. Some cake decoration & food pens.

Also annoying though are people who think they "get it", stop listening and be interruptive after a few words, and totally miss the crucial part that comes later.

Other neurodivergent people are hard to hang out with, except for sharing our grievances in memes :-)

I made it work. When I'm called out, I go like: "Actually, there is a crucial aspect about point X (10 minutes ago) that we just skipped: ..." and it makes me seem thoughtful and thorough.

I don't have that, I can remember a few things back to age 3/4. But an ex has this, starting most memories around age 10 - 12, and I'm just surprised how that doesn't spark a thorough medical investigation. Just nobody cares.

I don't dream about fancy vacations and places far away. There is just this 6 hour bike tour starting and finishing at my very home that I thought of, connecting my favourite tour with my favourite hike in a circle. That's my dream vacation.

Yet another summer ends without it.

Oh yes. Quite enabling that where I live, the last opportunity is basically Thursday 4 pm, next opportunity Monday morning, but then the line is usually busy.

SO many math tests where I gave 100 % correct answers but only made the first 60 %. I didn't even know this was related. Maybe the teachers should have investigated this further. Because it's odd, isn't it? If I were just bad at math, I'd either make many mistakes, or cherry-pick parts of the tests that I can do. But not do the first 60 % and then stop due to time running out. They should also have gotten the hint when they could always ask me something in class and I would know.

This went on at university (which I never finished) and certifications (still passed, because they typically have passing scores of 50 - 70 %).

Relatable. Fuzzing around going to an appointment early in the morning with poor preparation is one of the worst things about it. Being in place X at time Y, having packed A,B,C and being showered and dressed appropriately is something I'm struggling with. For decades, I thought the reason was that I'm just an assclown.

A typical day can feel like a series of appointments, to which I show up late, unshowered and sweaty, stammering my excuses, getting scolded and doing some kind of sad clown performance.

A perspective that helps me sometimes: It's all just a quest to keep the pets alive and well, in a world of arbitrary rules and events.

Regarding the specific water bottle thing: The only thing that helps me is to place these things BLOCKING the door.

But indeed, Modafinil got me in a state where I could handle normal everyday things like that with ease like normal people. Had to stop it due to handling side effects poorly and hoping for new meds next month. Try to find the right thing for your specific situation. Like others pointed out, it might be an anti-depressant, can't tell from just one text.

Over the years, I actually managed to change my inner monologue narrative. When a day like yours happens, I pat myself on the back and say: Pretty impressive how you pushed to the absolute personal limit, even towards a goal that turned out to be too high.

Engineered staple foods (such as Jimmy Joy, Huel, ...) really took the pressure off for me. I can still cook or make something else, but having this very decent fallback plan puts me at ease.

The only way I can picture this: Face the talker, lean forward at the hip joint as far as balance allows, rotate both arms like V-22 Osprey propellers, mouth wide open without making a sound.

Not the worst that can happen. Job lost, dishes done.

I even encourage myself to do this, so at least SOMETHING gets done.

Why must I be a Jar Jar type? Why can't I be a Doc Brown ADHD type?

Yes, apparently they can do a lot with that information. I'm not sure what to say though. Coffee can make me really tired, or extremely stimulated like a cartoon squirrel.

Worst thing that ever happened regarding key displacement: Had a complicated day planned with my GF, both basically rushing off in opposite directions and doing our things. She forgot something though and rushed back in. When trying to leave again just about 10 seconds later, she couldn't find the key she just used!

We were both searching, no success. Had to make the day work with just one key for both of us. The key was found weeks later in the middle under the bed, covered by other things and dust.

Best theory: They fell on the tip of her shoe while she was walking and got catapulted, kept sliding under things that were already there. But we'll never know.

Good job achieving all that on hard mode!

I think it should be relative to the person's abilities. 8 hours of work, laundry, 50 minutes focussed studying, healthy dinner, remembering aunt's birthday and bedtime at 10 might seem reasonable to most. Some with ADHD might also pull it off. For others, their best is to do one of those things after work.

Different people, good and bad days. Absolute measure & judgement for everybody is the problem.

I can nap on Modafinil, which is a narcoleptic drug used only off-label for ADHD. It's basically like coffee on coffee.

I also felt bad about it for a while. I'm a scientist by heart, 100 %, and I knew I had the intellect to get a degree. I thought the reason why I didn't anyway was because I was also some kind of assclown.

Fortunately, my degree attempt coincided with a useful obsession, for a change: My old programming hobby. The obsession ended like all the others, but the knowledge that stuck from going 14 hours per day was enough to get food on the table for decades to come.

It's just now that I realise I never was an assclown, and I never "decided" to quit my degree. It was ADHD, and I never stood a chance, not with "discipline" or just "deciding" alone. Knowing it, with treatment plus self-acquired methods & tricks, it would have been an option back then, and maybe I'll go for it again, if time allows.

Pushing yourself is good, but it needs to be a "relative" push based on your ability. Could be 5 hours of hard studying / cleaning / whatever for some. For others, or the same person on a different day, getting one bag of garbage and filling it, or studying 25 minutes is already the best.

Your post is a good start to collect ideas for moving forward, at your own pace. It won't be easy, but your situation is objectively not as bad as it feels to you. Maybe it can be a small step towards improving your condition?

Absolutely, I mean, we should still do our personal best when it comes to important tasks, but some days, our best feels like very little to nothing.

I already try to work with lists and break down tasks into smaller tasks, but that can lead to 30 items per week. If it's going really great, I do 25. But among the 5 failed tasks could be something really important, like a last deadline for a bill before it goes to court, tax filing before thousands are lost, even watering a flower etc. To others, it may appear like I achieved nothing, but honestly I'm already happy it went that way and some stuff got done.

I managed to solve that problem with a key chain that is tightly attached to my pants and so hard to remove that I think twice before washing my pants. Almost ran out with the wrong pair of pants a few times, but hey, that's it. Only 1 lockout in 20 years.

But everything else should have a locate feature like your phone. Around the mid 80s, there was a short lived trend: A keychain that answers when you whistle a specific sequence to it. What happened with that?

Funny thing is that this is the ONE ADHD thing I don't have. My trick: Super-panic about being late.

The broader strategy is that I set an exact time that triggers the "panic mode". So for example when I need to take a 3 day trip, I put my open suitcase in the middle of the room and fill it only casually as is convenient, starting days before. Hours before departure, I'm putting what is still missing in, but very relaxed, and do other things such as shower, eat, whatever needs to be done. But like 20 minutes before departure, the "panic mode" is triggered. Whatever is still missing then is done with maximum stress, only absolute show-stoppers, no optionals, complete panic the whole time.

Knowing that panic mode is still there to help last minute, allows me to do the entire thing very relaxed.

If I ever go back to studying, it definitely has to be from home. Might even have worked out the first time then. Over 50 % of my energy went into the logistics of being at a specific location at a specific time with coursework done, and picking up the course certificates. Yes, I did all the courses for an intermediate diploma and more (back before BSc and MSc was a thing), but failed in picking up 20 % of them before they were destroyed.

Reminds me of this "Life and times of Tim" episode where he just wants to buy some weed, and he knows a guy already, but it turns into this insane circus where he has to watch bad alternative theatre for hours, and one wrong comment about it cancels the whole deal: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3bop1d

tl;dr: software developer

Software developer. Unable to thrive at school or university, I had phases ever since I had a PC where I self-improved with more or less intensity. A few years where I had neither energy nor motivation, but discipline to do a little bit most days. Just a solid hobby-level.

Then out of nowhere It became an obsession for 5 years, like it usually does for a substance or gaming addiction. Just wake up, immediately study, trying to get everything perfect, to understand all the competing approaches and their reasons to every problem, only sleep when I can't keep my eyes open.

Finding mentors online, big names in their niche. Most people think that these people are annoyed from hundreds of "fans" who want to learn, but actually, that rarely happens, and when they see how much effort you put in, they are happy to help. One day, the phase ended as quickly as it had started. But I still had the knowledge.

That was 20 years ago. Much of the stuff from back then is still relevant, but there are the massive changes to web clients, and there are "clouds". In relation to relevant frameworks and standards, I'm far less skilled now, but I have two decades of reference projects which make me LOOK better.

A problem is that working away from home really doesn't work for me, thus having to refuse > 95 % of offers (they just come, I don't apply). But since 2020, that is no longer an issue.

Absolutely, but even worse is a slightly changed UI in an application or website. Or THE HORROR: Supermarket changed shelf of something.

Exactly, just that one single "sprint" is a good day for me already

Even after I became aware that I have ADHD in my 40s, additional years were still wasted after not getting treatment, with lost jobs, money etc.

Sitting on a referral from the GP for 18 months now, and they don't even give me an appointment in a distant future. The only thing that worked for me in my 20s: Set the bar low enough. Stop "planning" to study for 3 hours "tomorrow", or half-assing 2 hours while a video plays, you are on the phone and get coffee 5 times. Instead, admit that you'll only get 25 minutes in. But do them today, completely focussed, no distractions, not even getting water, no toilet break etc.

Think of it like squid game. The team that gets the best test score after 25 minutes studying lives. You'd rather pee in your pants than to get up and certainly wouldn't check your phone.

Worked for me, can't say if it will for you.

Chaining dozens of coping methods together helps a little bit, including:

• strictly working with lists. When I do it and it's not on the list & checked off, it doesn't count as done. What's not on the list doesn't get done
• implementation intention: Since my brain refuses "must do now" situations, use a trigger like: "If it's not done by 8 p.m., work on it with a stopwatch for 15 minutes"
• for the list, turn everything into a module. Instead of "do the kitchen", have subitems like "collect all garbage", "sort by food / non-food", "clean surface 1/2/3/floor". For studying & work, a module is always 25 or 50 minutes of full focus, no distractions. When I have to get up to get water or pee, it counts as failed and is not checked off

Yay, life on hard mode.

Is that also related to ADHD? Mind blown, because that is one of my defining weaknesses, and always has been!

Not to 1-up everybody, but I strongly suspected & brought the suspicion to a psychiatrist at age 43. He felt unable to to confirm, deny or somehow check.

At 46, finally a referral to a clinic by my GP, who believed it. No appointments available though, not even in the distant future.

1.5 years later, I'm in the process of getting checked, and it looks like I'll get a "yes" or "no" (very probably "yes") within a few months.

Obviously a dropout, too, but I managed to get a fraction of my potential due to an unexplained (to this day), 5 year lasting obsession with IT in my 20s, which caused me to study frantically day & night. Came and went, but a lot of it is still relevant.

In the past 20 years, I managed to land fat jobs over and over again, but like relationships and everything else, the fuss around the work itself gets "too much" and I quit after 6 - 18 months.

That weird 5 year study-frenzy was a blessing overall, but it also got me to think I was just an assclown before and after, rather than having a medical condition.

What can really work well is an ambient background noise, such as the TNG engine ambient noise or whatever you are into (SWTOR station ambient, ...), wind, ocean.

The trick then is to put it on exactly when the focussed studying starts, and to turn it off abruptly when you (have to) interrupt, e. g. for phone, door, water.

That prevents you from the half-assed "I'm technically working right now" when you are really not.

Stimulants having a calming effect is not an absolute must with ADHD.

I can only recommend to keep going for an official diagnosis & treatment. It's the single best use of your time. Cheapest, even free, is the way from a psychiatrist, with a referral. But you probably noticed that it's nearly impossible to find one.

Very nice and completely remote is GAM medical, but it's not paid for by GKV. I got the impression that it's pretty thorough and responsible. Not fast though; if you start now, it would still take months to get a prescription, if necessary.

Quite shady and only technically legal are sites like expressdoktor.com. They take advantage of the fact that any EU doctor can write a prescription that works in any other EU pharmacy. It works more like a webshop, pretending to include a doctor consultation, and it is certainly not safe. Especially the only ADHD drug they have, Modafinil, would require a thorough consideration and check-up when used for ADHD, because it has significant risks. It's the fastest way, but I don't recommend it.

Currently using Modafinil, which is rather bad on side effects and risks, hoping for an upgrade next month. So I had to work with that.

The Plan: Use it on about 50 days per year, and make them count. E. g. not on days full with unproductive meetings, but when I have a clear task and time to execute it. A task with high visibility. It'll look to others as if I were rolling 200 days like that.

Thanks! For my kid, I gamify it up a notch: His life works on "quests" such as 10 minute room cleaning, letter to a grandparent, 10 minute reading, homework etc., for which he gains loot boxes. Those are little physical boxes containing a made-up currency and other small rewards such as candy, 5 cents - $ 1 real money (his only way to get allowance!), stickers etc. The made-up currency can buy prices such as puzzles, books, toys. About 2 - 3 times per year, there is a legendary coin in it which can be traded for a huge price worth $ 50 - $ 100.

Not sure if saving him or messing up his reward system, but the stuff gets done and he's doing great!

I do order a lot online, but I feel like it's actually well thought through and needed.

E. g. A teapod when the old one breaks, heads for my somewhat uncommon electric toothbrush, an electrically heated vest for grandma when she visits ... makes perfect sense, right?

My biggest problem though is that I need everything basically NOW, and I'm not in a big same-day city. Got to wait 1 - 2 days for most stuff 😢

I use plain old mindmaps for many things. When they are related to tasks and todos, I use a tool where it has little checkmarks, possibly completion progress bars, failed-icons, blocker-icons etc.

For understanding a topic, e. g. from a textbook or a job problem, hand-drawn works better with the additional freedoms it provides, such as this one: https://www.uni-frankfurt.de/53571999/Mindmapping

It fits in nicely with how I work through a text:

• Think about what I want to get out of this
• Flip through & glance over everything. Whatever draws my personal attention, be it drawings, graphs, tables, the headers - different for everybody. Might occasionally look at one of those things for a bit longer.
• Read the TOC
• Do the actual reading start to end and draw a mindmap
• Possible do-over the mindmap once I understand where I did it "wrong" due to my previous assumption of how things categorise and relate