Humor is admittedly subjective, but I enjoyed the random mismatched and subversion of expectations enough for a chuckle. The trolly problem setup and pretty much every other detail being ultimately irrelevant is rather amusing in an absurdist humor (Hitchhikers Guild) or anti-joke (yo' Mama's so fat...
::: spoiler spoiler That we're all very concerned for her health :::
) kind of way.
Uhh, I may not be the sharpest software developer in the shed, but I'm not sure I understand what you're asking for here. By the sound of it, you're looking to build and deploy an entire e-commerce website without any JavaScript at all, correct? Which makes me more than a little curious about what you're expecting to use instead.