ArtieShaw

7:07am. Milan.

I'm woken by two texts from my coworker. "Thought we were meeting in the lobby at 7:00. Heading to the train station."

The train leaves at 7:20. "Well I can't...." or can I?

Clothes on. Glasses on. All toiletries swept into purse. I run like hell.

There's a pedestrian underpass, but I Frogger across the road and through the square. I'm in the station with a minute to spare and I'm still somehow running. My shoes are shabby Converse and the floor is polished marble. And I'm 45.

Things are going as ok as any of that can be until I have that out of body moment when I know my foot to forward motion ratio is incompatible with staying upright.

I lunged into the fall, made an extremely satisfying "splat" sound, and skidded several horizontal meters on the marble floor. Two or more nicely dressed Italians look at me in horror, but I'm not physically hurt. Big smile. I thought about Mary Catherine Gallagher-ing it with a victory pose, but just got up and kept running.

Made the train as it was pulling out, brushed hair/teeth once i caught my breath. Moved to the correct train car at the next stop, and met up with my colleague.

We had a nice day trip and the waiter was horrified at how much wine we drank at lunch.

Oh, my parents take the prize.

To pick just one thing, I remember a disagreement about how to re-arrange the furniture my bedroom. I remember saying (and with regret as the words were leaving my mouth), "well, it is my room." Instant shitshow. She announced that since she wasn't needed she would be Running Away From Home.

Even at 5 or 6, I knew that this was the stupidest thing ever, but that she also wouldn't back down unless I cried and chased her and begged her to stay. She got out the front door and slowly walked towards the street, stopping every few feet to look back. She had nowhere to go, obviously. If this were going to be a battle of wills, I held all the cards. I was also six. If I had been 16, I might have thought to lock the front door behind her. In any case, even at that age I knew that if I somehow won this, things could only get worse.

Yeah, I whipped up some tears and ran after her. But she never tried that one again and I like to think that it was because she got all the way to the street before she got her intended outcome.

I think you're vastly underestimating the size of that boat.

Did you read even the first paragraph of that article?

I knew someone this happened to. Several months after moving into their new house they started working on a neglected secondary bathroom on the 2nd floor. They didn't go back there too frequently because it wasn't a priority, but it was a really cool space connected to their bedroom via a small dressing room/closet.

One day she noticed a low, humming drone and checked the wall of that closet. She claimed that the whole wall was warm to the touch and vibrating. That was not an easy or cheap job, but we got to make jokes about bees for a couple of months.

It was glorious. Warmed my heart to see little kids spontaneously start whaling on each other whenever I drove by.

Her business partner (and co-defendant) is described as a "mental health counselor." I'm sure she's fine.

/s

That's just it. No one is shocked because this is completely normal. We could argue whether parts of Idaho are worse than parts of Ohio - which you seem to confuse for some reason - but no one with a passing familiarity with either is going to be surprised to hear that this happened quite openly in Coeur D'Alene, Wapakoneta, Piketon....

It's not some secret.

It's bad, definitely. And it should be reported. But if we're being honest about our neighbors, no one can be surprised.

First popular song? Probably Call Me, by blondie. It was played at every skate rink in 1982.

Before that, my memory doesn't hold. There was one about a castle and a stunt man who got burned in a three way script. And a ghost was there.

In recent years we've been seeing a scary trend of tornadoes hitting the area overnight. Like at 11:00pm or later. That suuuuccks.

When I was a kid they were almost always a late afternoon or early evening event. Official forecasts were crap, but at least you could look outside and think, "this looks like tornado weather, better check the radio." Now we're woken out of sleep in the middle of the night by the simultaneous klaxon of our phone alerts.

They're also hitting us earlier in the year. My calendar has a repeating reminder for early April: "peak tornado season starts in a few months - start drilling the cats now." We had one in fucking February this year that took out a barn a few miles down the road.

I wouldn't blame you. We live in the path, but early spring is a 50/50 chance for rain and clouds vs clear weather.

I have a low key interest in birds and have been using the Merlin app to ID them by photo, description, or their song. You can set it to record, then just chill in the backyard while it lists the birds it hears.

and nobody made it,

Had to re-read that once to realize that it didn't involve mass fatality. Was relieved!

If I was a millionaire, I'd have a couple bugs that were fully restored, but short of that I will just enjoy the memories of my car inspiring violence in children.

Same here!

This was extremely well said. My in-laws adhere to one of these high control (fundie) sects, so I have an enlightening and disquieting inside look at it.

One of my nephews dreamed of becoming a marine biologist from an early age. And even as he got older he never wavered. We privately wondered what was going to happen when he got old enough to realize that he would need to attend a school that taught actual math and science for that to become a reality.

He's currently studying to become a nurse at a Christian College. He's safe from forbidden ideas, but he'll blend well into the alternate parallel economy favored by the people at his church. In addition to social isolation from non-believers, they prefer to do business with companies run by people from their own or an affiliated church.

The parallel economy still unnerves me for some reason. Learning about Christian Health Insurance was an eye-opener.

Yes. It's a moo point. It's moo.

You may be looking for the Goonies. Conveniently, same actor.

(And I still stand by "pincers of power" although I know it's wrong).

That's an interesting but grim point. Ebola, for example, is both very deadly and very infectious, but that combination means that outbreaks tend to burn out before spreading widely. One of the early things that scared me about COVID in late 2019 was the rumors of "asymptomatic spreading" that were coming out of China.

That wasn't the only "oh shit" thing about COVID and the way things were handled early on, but it was a bad one.

Exactly. After the American revolution started, England needed a new place to send convicts.

I think I need to add both of these words to my vocabulary.

I think that argument would be moo.

#1 The archeological museum in Krakow. https://ma.krakow.pl/en/main-page/

It's an old school museum, which tend to be my favorites, but there had been an art exhibition installed the week before so there were art installations displayed alongside the regular exhibits. The whole experience was wonderfully weird. It wasn't always 100% clear what was part of the regular exhibit and what was art, because some of the regular exhibits were pretty weird. Was there an entire elaborate exhibit (with light-up displays) about the hydrogeology of southern Poland? What was the very Soviet-bloc looking sewing machine doing in that one room? Adding to the fun, the docents were very very insistent upon the order in which you visited each room. I think that was completely normal for them, but it added to the weirdness. There was also a mirror that would sound an alarm if you approached too closely. Its purpose was unclear. When we went in we were not expecting some of the exhibits to be... off.

#2 The Museum of Jurassic Technology in LA. https://mjt.org/

Apparently now open by appointment only. It's weird by design, which is why it gets #2 rating.

#3 Any museum where you walk in and mentally say, "I've made a huge mistake." These tend to be small places where it's just you, your equally uncomfortable spouse, and the curator/owner. You're getting a special tour. I mean, you know in your heart that he's more interested in showing your his weird shit than murdering you, but the question of whether you'll feature in the next exhibit is always floating in the air. They may not have the nicest stuff to look at, but you remember the experience.

It looks like a Chick Tract, and these panels would be part of a larger work. They're dumb, but completely serious. Popular with fundies, and if you're not careful you might find one on your desk at work. (I have, lol).

There is definitely an anti-Catholic sentiment in some of them, so that's probably what the frame in the first clip is getting at.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chick_tract

In the US they were definitely out of fashion in the '80s and '90s. They were fashion statement that said "I'm a gross hippie" or worse, a BeeGee.

I was a teen at the time and the consensus among teen girls was that a beard was the ultimate dealbreaker of a physical attribute. Makes sense, really, because most guys our age couldn't grow a nice one if they wanted to. (And also - hippies are gross). I always respectfully disagreed, and would point to our classmate, Murad. He had pretty well grown facial hair by junior year and he looked fiiiinne.

The exception that proved the rule? Luckily (for Murad) my classmates generally agreed, but refused to back down from their opinion in general.

That attitude persisted, with the occasional appearance of a goatee or soul patch in the late '90s, both of which proved to be a gateway drug that led to the appearance of proper beards. I think a lot of guys would have liked to have beards, but realized that they were driving away potential partners. But they were pretty normal by 2010.

I'll drop this line from wikipedia, which should illustrate just how boringly mainstream beards have become in the US.

Since 2015 a growing number of male political figures have worn beards in office, including Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, and Senators Ted Cruz and Tom Cotton.

Damn hippies.

I will reply not with my own view, but of the person who is most likely the author if this tract: Jack Chick. "Catholics are not Christians."

Absurd, you say? Of course, and I agree that it's absurd.

In the US there are two broad categories of people who would disagree.

1. Old school bigots, many of whom came from immigrant families and wanted to align with the ruling class in America: WASPs. These were generally families who came from northwestern Europe and Scandinavia. (This describes the oldest members of my own family, who are still scandalized that my uncle married a woman from an Italian family in the 1960s).
2. Fundamentalist Protestants. There are a thousand different flavors, so it's hard to give them a single name. They agree that the bible is the literal word of God and that Catholicism is fundamentally flawed - as is any religion that stresses the need to "do unto others" in any significant fashion. "The only way to heaven is through me," said Jesus. In other words, if you're a serial killer but you truly believe in Jesus Christ and have pledged your soul to him - well, Jesus must have a good reason for all that serial killing you did. (This describes my in-laws, so yes - my entire family is fucked up).

The serial killing thing is a bit of an exaggeration, but honestly - these people are almost shockingly mean to each other.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chick_tract

Interesting. Sub in a Harkkonen for the mad priest with a taste for organ-harvesting cruelty. A nightclub singer in the role of a Bene Gesserit witch who is there for no obvious reason. (Plans within plans?) The Fremen are the little slaves toiling to extract resources/spice.

In the end, Short Round liberates the oppressed masses and greenery returns to the parched lands. In accordance with prophecy.

It could work.

It was comparable to the natural history museums in Chicago and DC

I enjoyed the Milwaukee museum, but in my opinion, it is not.

I'm not a soda drinker, but Green River gets me right in the nostalgia.

Occasionally, I'll have some club soda with a bit of vanilla or hazelnut syrup. Not too sweet, but enough to taste. Plain soda water is also good.

I'd be !00% on board with including women in the draft. Fair is fair.

Personally - like I told the recruiter from Annapolis 30 years ago, "trust me when I say that you don't want me anywhere near your military." If I were drafted I think I could fail out of basic on my own lack of merit.

If there were other service options, I could happily do other work. For example: Math, science, or language tutoring for teens. I could have helped out a kid who actually wanted to get into Annapolis but didn't have strong enough academics.

Is "going back to school" a thing in Germany? From what I know about that education system I'm guessing not, but in the US that's a standard answer.

"I want to move to be closer to my aging parents." - might work. If you haven't shared much about your life, it's an easy lie. And it's dull and depressing, so the odds of followup questions are slim. I hear it a lot when interviewing job candidates in our area.

Well that's just a solid banger. It's also a cover.

Yes. Absolutely yes.

I'm expanding the parameters here (aka cheating) because they have never been in a movie together.

I would like to see Peter Lorre in any Nicolas Cage role (and vice versa).

Cut the Mullet. A classic. And good advice in general. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roxMH07qHmc

For some general Milwaukee style weird, there will always be Wooden Robot. I really liked Wooden Robot. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOmtl8Lmeps

One thing I learned about meringue is that the slightest bit of fat will turn it into frosting.

Even a mixing bowl/whip that has been sitting in an open kitchen may have accumulated enough aerosolized cooking oil to effect the outcome. I've never failed after washing the utensils and then being scrupulous about broken yolks.

I saw that in a theater, with a guest appearance and Q&A with Crispin Glover afterwards. That was an evening.

a very literal interpretation

This is literally what Christian fundamentalists believe. If any aspect of the bible is not the literal truth, it all falls apart in their eyes. They are very absolutist.

And it's not just Genesis.

"But translations..." Hahaha no. It varies by sect but it usually falls under either "our religious founder was guided by God to the true translation" or "The King James version was a work of revelation and it undid all the false translations introduced by the Romans and Greeks."

"But it contradicts itself on key points." No it doesn't.

"Hey, maybe Lazarus was just in a coma" Get behind me, Satan.

There is no argument that hasn't been heard and rejected. Disagreement is an attack.

I have an at-home laser hair removal gun. It works best on dark hair and very pale skin because it uses the absorption of UV light to heat and kill the hair. It has a safety feature that makes you validate that "my skin is pale enough to use this" before it will turn on because it will burn anything dark. Hair, skin, whatever.

It won't work on blond or white hair, and there's no real workaround to that. Electrolysis is an option for light colored hair, but I think that's more invasive. Not an option for me, so I haven't looked into it.

Ian McKellan and Christopher Lee in The Lord of the Rings

I was considering that one.

I'm still salty that the Pergamum temple exhibit was closed. We went to Turkey and "sorry, that temple is in Germany now." We went to Berlin a few years later and "sorry, that temple exhibit is being refurbished now."

All that being said, I enjoyed seeing that very large gold hat.

I am against earthquakes on principle.

Oddly enough, I just read something today about newly emerging earthquake detection tech. It involved small variations in movement tracked by GPS transmitters, and would give 2 hours (+/-?) before the quake hit. I like the idea of that.