You'll remember that name, because the moment the site appears, you'll click the little X on the top right corner of your computer screen to get rid of it.

Fruit Stripe gum had the unfortunate distinction of being the most delicious thing you've ever put in your mouth, a total whirlwind of flavor... for five seconds. Then it's just sugar, then shortly after that, it's just nothing. It's like something Willy Wonka would have wished for on a monkey's paw.

They need the max sentence, every time. None of them are sorry; they're just telling the judge what they think he wants to hear. They might as well not be sorry making license plates for a decade.

My grandpa had a pig heart valve, and that thing lasted way longer than its warranty suggested. Yeah, he was told up front it would last ten years, but he got more out of it.

I'm confused that she's AT the meeting.

The pharmacy near the Capitol fills prescriptions for dementia medication, and those pills are going to our representatives. If you're taking dementia medication and are an elected official, sorry, but it's time for you to go. We'll get you a watch. If you can't even remember who you are, you shouldn't be crafting our laws.

Dolly Parton and Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash didn't act like this. Maybe you could aspire to be more like them, and less like... you.

It's fascinating that zoomers have rejected cutting-edge technology, trading their smartphones for flip phones and distancing themselves from social networks. They've been surrounded by technology their entire lives, and feel threatened by its ubiquity. They want to free themselves from the hive mind and just be alone with their thoughts for a change.

I love tech, but you know, I get it. Young adults probably feel like they've been trapped in a dystopian future, and desperately want a way out.

So long, Hausfraus for Fascism. Fucking Ku Klux Karens anyway.

I call it "irrelevant."

Leave X and let it die, like you should have done when the butt-musk bought the site a year ago. Durr.

I can't believe people still use that site in light of everything we know about Musk. It should have been a ghost town months ago.

I'm continually mystified by Biden's low polling numbers, compared to his on the job performance (and actually, you know, being on the job rather than golfing all the time). "But he's too old!" The other guy is just three years younger than he is.

Besides, if you wanted younger presidents, you should nominate them. Biden wasn't not old in 2020. If you choose Methuselah during the nomination process, that's kind of a you problem. Do the research beforehand and you won't have buyer's remorse later.

It's been my experience that F-150 owners are arrogant, southern-fried buttholes, but anyone who owns a Cybertruck is probably worse, just by merit of being associated with Elon Musk.

Google, currently embroiled in an anti-trust lawsuit for having too much control over the internet, is pleading poverty. How amusing.

Someone didn't remember the Alamo!

They've vowed to switch to their other favorite cereal, Racist Bran.

The new name alone isn't what made Twitter crap, but it is symbolic of the massive changes made to the site by the new management. I like to think of it this way: Twitter is dead. X is the reanimated corpse.

"Can't be bothered?" That's kind of obnoxious. Of course he can't release a physical copy; Disney would sue him.

One day it's "Trump beats Biden in polls," the next it's "Democrats are on a winning streak." Yeesh, I can't keep up. The oooooonly poll that matters is the one on election day.

Young people blame the people who should be blamed. More news at 11.

(Hey millies and zoomers, you came in clutch during the last two elections. Think you can keep at it?)

Amazon's no longer any good at shipping, and Google's no longer any good at searching. What a terrible year to be a tech nerd.

White "supremacists," ladies and gentlemen. Imagine goobers like these thinking they're the master race. They're so gross and ugly and unaccomplished that it's the only thing they've got to lean on.

"What education have you had?"
"I'm white."
"What honors have you received?"
"I'm white."
"Have you done anything whatsoever to improve the lives of others?"
"...I'm white?"
"Okay. Don't call us, we'll call you."

Look, I'm cheap, and I'm not swayed by Apple's smug, trendy marketing horse shit. Remember "I'm an Apple, and I'm a PC?" Who didn't want to punch that smug Apple guy in the face?

But sure, whatever. You fetuses go ahead and cling to Apple because you're told to do it with slick ad campaigns. We all fell for it too... once. Then we realized we were paying for those ads with the Apple tax, and we found better things to do with our money than subsidize paranoid Orwell fantasies and thirty second music videos.

Yes. And I'll take no further questions on the subject.

The theft was coming from retailers. Raising prices without raising the cost of living accordingly isn't inflation; it's exploitation.

No they won't! There's no way any of the big console manufacturers will ever agree to those terms, ESPECIALLY Nintendo. Microsoft would just buy Unity out before paying that ransom. You be smokin' some bigtime crack, Riccitello.

The whole social media collapse has been crushing for a recluse like myself. I mean, I might as well come out straight and say that. I'm not tactile and I don't socialize, so the internet is my main source of communication with the outside world. I'm guaranteed to find people who share my interests, people who "get" me, people who don't act like I came from Venus when I finally open up to them. When that all folds in on itself, or mutates into something that would make the monstrous works of HR Giger look like HR Puffnstuff, yeah, it's kind of painful. Like living through your own digital 9/11. That sounds dramatic, and I mean it to be, but yes, losing social networks that were trusted sources of discussion has been like a sledgehammer to my mental health.

TMI, sorry. I do leave my house when needed, but it's more business than pleasure. (There's very little pleasure involved.)

Or maybe we're just really bored and stupid.

Why was I expecting consequences?

Yes, you did.We saw it. It was recorded. Stop lying, goddamn you.

The abortion "moderate," ladies and gentlemen. A reminder that whatever he's telling you to get elected is just honey. If he gets re-elected, he'll do whatever the hell he wants, the voters be damned.

Haven't drugs been used as an explanation for his mammoth missteps with Twitter? Because the way this guy is piloting the ship, he's going to crash it into Prince William Sound at any moment. They'll be scrubbing stupid posts off the seabirds for months.

RFK Jr. is a piece of dog shit drying in the hot summer sun. I can't imagine in any universe this guy (who makes me wish there was a Sirhan Sirhan Jr.) draining votes from Joe Biden when their views are diametrically opposed.

That might work... if I hadn't already switched over to Firefox! Charade you are, Google asswipes!

No users, no Reddit. It's as simple as that. Why the paint huffer thinks he can take content from his users for free, then sell it back to them, is mystifying. No, no, dickhead. You're acting like you're the most important component of Reddit when you are, in fact, the most expendable.

Is this propaganda or a comedy routine gone awry?

Garbage people supporting a garbage president.

Total horseshit. He did COST a whole lot of Americans their lives when he indulged in COVID denial, though. What was the death toll on that? A million? It would have been substantially less if he had been responsible and given Americans useful advice, rather than telling them to ingest aquarium cleaner and shine lights up their butts.

Microsoft learned never to leave an EA exec at the wheel ten years earlier, with the disastrous launch of the Xbox One. You know, the all seeing, all knowing, all credit card charging privacy invader with its hooks permanently sunk into the internet, and a camera you couldn't cover, like it was some motherfucking episode of Max Headroom. Allow me to say, "Fuck you, Don Mattrick, and the DRM and surveillance-laden horse you rode in on."

Gosh. Who saw THAT coming.

Elon, you disgusting piece of trash. You're not living in Apartheid-era South Africa anymore.