That's part I understand. What I don't understand is
a role that does not reflect who you are
how you see yourself and how you want to be.
In the context of gender, where do these feelings come from? How do I know if a role does or doesn't reflect "who I am?" Where does how I see myself come from and where does the desire to be how I want to be come from?
You haven't actually answered my question, sorry to say. What I'm asking is where does the feeling of being "forced into a role" come from? How do I know the role is not right for me?
I always want to learn more about things. To be totally honest with you, what I'm having the most trouble understanding in the current gender discourse is how can gender be both a social construct/abstraction (in the famous words of Judith Butler "an imitation without an original") but then also gender identity is a deeply-seated innate feeling that people have that then enables the feeling of "my gender is wrong and I need to change it."
I really don't want to be transphobic or even enbyphobic or anything and I will use whatever pronouns people want to be nice. But just on an epistemological level, I'm having trouble understanding it.