BellyPurpledGerbil

I get it. I have like, life ruining levels of insomnia, which is like 90% because I have extreme nightmares every time I fall asleep. They're so bad sometimes I wake up crying. Sometimes I don't fall asleep because I know what's waiting for me when I eventually lose consciousness. I'm so thankful when I have no dreams at all. I've talked to doctors and psychologists about it and they just shrug at me like, wow that sounds tough. Nobody has ever helped me with it. And really who would take it seriously? It's just nightmares right? What adult is afraid to go to sleep? To dream about loved ones dying in gruesome ways right before their eyes? Or getting murdered in horrible ways, tortured to death, trampled, eaten alive by insects, being responsible for killing my whole family in a car crash, falling to death and remembering what the impact felt like, having my eyeballs plucked from my head, my stomach torn open and my guts devoured while I'm still alive. I'm not even close to the end of the list of what I've experienced over half of my life. Yeah they're just nightmares. But I have to experience them. For the rest of my life.

The only fighting chance I've been given is to move to a state where weed is legal because it basically prevents me from dreaming at all.

Disco Elysium is so fucking wild. It's the most empathetic game I've ever played. I am someone who has an easy time putting myself in other people's shoes. The character is an alcoholic mess, on the brink of a depression so deep he has totally fractured his own memory and sense of self. He's a genius. He's also an idiot. And he's a cop/detective in a world that really despises cops. It's what I would call the idealistic cop: the one that would put themself between a group of armed men and a group of innocent people with nothing but a dinky pistol and say stand down.

Anyway, I love how it makes me feel about everything in its place. The ideologies that drive us. The youth we waste on fooling around. The insanity and, somehow, the humor of racism. The mistakes that make us who we are. The idealistic pursuits that are so high they can never be achieved. How heartbreak never goes away.

Most importantly, I played a game with an internal monologue built-in as the RPG system, and it nearly exactly matches how I think and feel. My mind is also fractured as identifiable pieces of myself. I gave some parts of them names because it made it easier to separate the thoughts from how I truly felt. I have nearly all the same psyches just with different names from Volition, Half-light, etc. And it floored me. I have never played a game that was as introspective as I was. Right down to the simultaneously protective and self destructive thoughts clashing within and one winning out. It gave me a third person perspective of my own self destructive and unhealthy thought processes. And it helped me love myself a little bit more. I feel like I'll never be able to play anything like it again for the rest of my life.

Dialogue and movement in films and shows is so damn well rehearsed that I can never truly get immersed. Real conversations are awkward. We stutter. We fumble words. We forget people's names, or what we were just talking about. Never for dramatic reasons. Just because we're human. Script writers are hyper focused on fitting as much wit and humor as they can jam in there. I think some authors of books fall into the same trap. A 16 year old character somehow has the wit and wisdom of someone twice their age. I want more scenes made with genuine stumbling embarrassing awkwardness.

You know those moments where later people learn that the actor improvised the line? Or the movements? Best one I ever saw was Heath Ledger's Joker failing to blow up the hospital.

[ He turns around. Well shit. Looks back at the device and mashes the button a few more times. Hospital finally blows up and he gets startled. ]

THAT'S THE SHIT. Give me more of that. Let me see the characters fuck up. Get uncomfortable. Make genuinely minor mistakes. Give me flaws. Give me something that isn't witty. I'm tired of getting bashed over the head with polished scripts.

Animated movies tend to do this better to be fair. Lots to appreciate from the recent animated Spiderman movies for example.

I think I would simply comply, maliciously.

What's my reason? I'm going on a journey in alignment with my religion. Try telling me I can't follow my religious beliefs on the record.

It's virtual machines but faster, more configurable with a considerably larger set of automation, and it consumes less computer resources than a traditional VM. Additionally, in software development it helps solve a problem summarized as "works on my machine." A lot of traditional server creation and management relied on systems that need to be set up perfectly identical every deployment to prevent dumb defects based on whose machine was used to write it on. With Docker, it's stupid easy to copy the automated configuration from "my machine" to "your machine." Now everyone, including the production systems, are running from "my machine." That's kind of a big deal, even if it could be done in other ways naturally on Linux operating systems. They don't have the ease of use or the same shareability.

What you're doing is perfectly expected. That's a great way of getting around using Docker. You aren't forced into using it. It's just easier for most people

I do think there is some element of gender disillusionment if not dysphoria in very insecure men. I don't think calling them some stage of trans has the right implications though. They are men that want to stay men. But their internal views of men are constantly challenged by their culture and environment.

Nothing says women can't have muscular bodies or else they must be men or being a woman wrong in some way. But that dissonance obviously irritates the type of guy that unironically wants to be an alpha gigachad. So they impose their own standards on others, unknowingly outing their insecurities.

If I'm being really honest though even if I thought all of that was likely, it's way more likely that people on the Internet just love to start flame wars about anything if they're bored enough. Especially when the target is a woman.

Reddit has pretty large open source and piracy communities. I've been a "super user" of computers and tech in general and got great resources to manage my systems at home. I'll link some of my favorite tools.

Big batch of scripts to clean your computer of bloatware and viruses: https://github.com/bmrf/tron

A much better Windows search: https://www.voidtools.com/

Adblocking for your entire home network: https://pi-hole.net/

Create bootable USB drives: https://rufus.ie/en/

Disk usage viewer, helps me clean up my hard drive space every so often: https://windirstat.net/

Notepad++ or Sublime Text for better notepad alternatives

And so much more. I could have probably found them without reddit if I were in like IT and Tech forums, but I was on Reddit

My mother told me that she hated me. After a really dumb argument we had, as adults. I still talk to her and play nice in front of our siblings but I haven't forgiven her and I don't think I ever will. I lost a lot of love for my mother in a single day and then nothing anyone has said to me since has ever matched or beaten that feeling. How do you trump your own mother hating you? She moved on like she never said it. No apologies. Never mentioned it. You can call me every name and slur and hang me for all my fuckups and oddities, but you can't hurt me. I'm already at 0 HP emotionally

Seeing my friends.

Cool rocks.

New video games coming out soon (Tekken 8!)

Finding new pretty things to wear.

Baking treats.

Having a whole day to myself with no interruptions to do what I like.

Some stay dry and others feel the pain

Complaining about AI in all the wrong ways to complain about AI. AI is definitely a poor substitute for actually well thought out feature implementations. But it has nothing to do with why your iPhone sucks to navigate on.

SNES purchased by my parents in 1992.

An old blade server I was able to take from my very first job, state of the art for the time it was made around 2002. It's still running and I've been using it as a media and hosting server for years despite how out of date the specs are now.

I (almost) never make any plans. I travel to the city, and then I decide what to do on the spot. Whatever I happen to be in the mood for. Most places I visit have something I want to see already and I don't have to plan for it. And if there are night life activities, I'm checking them out. No rules. No itinerary. Just spontaneous adventure.

Just here to point out that UK schools have also illegally forbidden some students from wearing afro hairstyles. In that case and this one, it's against the law. The hope is that this treatment will not continue in both cases. We don't need to resort to playing the suffering Olympics or whose country is worse pissing contests

There are lots of parasitic bugs in this story, including Elon Musk

Quite literally you are your brain, trying to account for the entire body and mind as the self simultaneously. But you may catch yourself thinking or saying things like "I can't wrap my brain around this." Isn't that odd? Your brain refers to itself as my brain. Is that a linguistic issue or is your sense of perspective off?

"Don't you have a heart?" Why do we imply that our sense of compassion is only located in an organ that just pumps blood? That clearly can't be the case.

We know cases where someone gets a brain tumor and suddenly becomes violent or unfeeling. When the brain is damaged either during life or during gestation, we know that we can lose all manner of things: cognition, motor skills, memory, emotions, etc. It's all the brain.

What confuses the issue is everything the brain is attached to. What I think all conscious humans do is try to make sense of the mind-body connection. I feel tired, that's not just my brain feeling tired. I can feel tired in every single part of my body independently or all together. "I" am the brain. If I lose an arm, I don't lose my sense of self. But losing important functions can damage the self I've constructed of myself. If I lose my eyesight I will be a very different person when I'm unable to visually enjoy video games, movies, art, nature. But clearly blind people still have a self. If it sits behind their eyes, will it move? Adapt to their ears?

All this to say, your self is self constructed. It's malleable. But make no mistake that the source of where self and consciousness are maintained is the brain.

Only one I can give you is bisexual girlfriend. Take it or leave it

It's crazy though because I see people mark videos that released like 30 minutes ago. I need to start doing my part

I'd say for myself it's a tit for tat situation.

If the company I hypothetically pirate from is a total prick, mistreats their employees, donates a part of the money they earned from my purchase to lobby to my government to reduce the rights of minorities, I won't give a single fuck. I may even just never touch their product out of spite.

Are they inoffensive and fairly neutral? I likely won't pirate if I have the means to buy it.

Are they basically ConcernedApe? I will follow them to the ends of the earth showering them with praise and riches. Never pirate and would actively shame those who do

Not to drag you for it publicly, the voice is rough, but with only 2 weeks of practice of course it would be. I recall about 3 years into my transition (and 6 total years of practice in) my brother said hey you sound a lot better. And I was like, thanks? He went a super long time not commenting on it and then dropped that on me lol.

Anyway sorry you're going through that. Parents all deal with this in uniquely shitty ways. Best you can do, IMO, is enforce boundaries:

I don't want to be talked to this way. You're being judgemental rather than supportive. When I asked for help before, you coldly rejected me. At this rate I will fully lose trust in you and stop listening to you entirely. This is the one and only warning. If you keep up your erratic and insulting behavior I will stop talking to you. (Last bit works better if you're fully independent)

"Morpheus this is really not funny"

I don't disagree with there being tradeoffs in terms of speed, like function vs network requests. But eventually your whole monolith gets so fuckin damn big that everything else slows down.

The whole stack sits in a huge expensive VM, attached to maybe 3 or 4 large database instances, and dev changes take forever to merge in or back out.

Every time a dev wants to locally test their build, they type a command and have to wait for 15-30 minutes. Then troubleshoot any conflicts. Then run over 1000 unit tests. Then check that they didn't break coverage requirements. Then make a PR. Which triggers the whole damn process all over again except it has to redownload the docker images, reinstall dependencies, rerun 1000+ unit tests, run 1000+ integration tests, rebuild the frontend, which has to happen before running end to end UI tests, pray nothing breaks, merge to main, do it ALL OVER AGAIN FOR THE STAGING ENVIRONMENT, QA has to plan for and execute hundreds of manual tests, and we're not even at prod yet. The whole way begging for approvals from whoever gets impacted by anything from a one line code change to thousands.

When this process gets so large that any change takes hours to days, no matter how small the change is, then you're fucked. Because unfucking this once it gets too big becomes such a monstrous effort that it's equivalent to rebuilding the whole thing from scratch.

I've done this song and dance so many times. If you want your shit to be speedy on request, great, just expect literally everything else to drag down. When companies were still releasing software like once a quarter this made sense. It doesn't anymore.

By choice

I only carry pepper spray, sometimes. I have not ever been physically harassed knock on wood. Threats are just threats. If someone was going to hurt me they would have done it.

I approve of this expanded answer. I may have been too ELI5 in my post.

If the OP has read this far, I'm not telling you to use docker, but you could consider it if you want to store all of your services and their configurations in a backup somewhere on your network so if you have to set up a new raspberry pi for any reason, now it's a simple sequence of docker commands (or one docker-compose command) to get back up and running. You won't need to remember how to reinstall all of the dependencies.

Criticize myself unnecessarily and with some self deprecating flourish

Girl, I've been on HRT for over a decade. If you wish for breast pain, your wish is already granted.

No problem. Obviously won't do any good if you don't apply consequences, so whatever you decide to say stick to it.

GUIs are a useful tool to give common users an accessible way to understand how they're interacting with technology. They're best utilized,I think, when the point of the technology is to be viewed. Like imagine you had to browse and launch Netflix shows in a terminal. That would be incredibly annoying.

In contrast, its really goddamn slow to perform routine server maintenance and commands through a GUI. I save so much time managing my servers through CLI, scripting, and automated tasks. Almost everything I'm dealing with is text based information.

My friend and I post cute pictures of animals or characters to each other throughout the day.

Chad, Chet, Chaz, the unbroly Trinity

I've been threatened. Nobody's done shit to back it up. I'd call that lucky, except that most people don't experience those things either. It's the other way around, I'm sorry you've had the misfortune.

I don't know how seriously to take this kind of discussion sometimes. I can rationalize that a person can do awful things to people in a fictional setting and it's not a commentary of who they are as a person. On the other hand I cannot escape the feeling that I am replying to a genuine sadistic monster, based on everything you just said in this post. Forget all of that. Unnecessary commentary when there's a point I want to make.

There's a crucial difference in video games vs more free-form varieties like TTRPGs: You're on The Rails. Video game RPGs are almost always on the rails. There's no real sandbox game anywhere. Like there are good attempts, but at the end of the day, any game has programmed expectations for your inputs and what it can output. Video games can't possibly fathom how deeply evil you could actually get. It would be a developmental and technological nightmare to try programming in all of your awful choices and how they could spiral the narrative. They have to do their best within the limitations of how much could possibly fit in a game. And I'm assuming the game companies also have to take into account the ratings system, and PR. Even if you could play the game any way you want, good AND bad choices, you're going to get odd looks from people if they know the game allows you to sexually abuse NPCs, or enslave people through extortion. You know what I'm getting at? The real limitation isn't the technology, even though that's already a big one. Even in virtual, completely fictional settings, being allowed to play that shit out is wholly monstrous. And I can't imagine the toll it would take on designers who would be tasked to write it.

So if you really want all of that and accept the risks, make your own CRPG where you can go all out on Evil. Being critical of developers and designers for not being willing to go as far as your twisted mind can go in a video game is a wild take. Go play in an evil TTRPG campaign if you want to get those kicks. It's way easier.

All is one

One is all

Oh you installed Windows 11? That's your problem right there. Go back to Windows 10

Regardless of where anyone sits on this topic, I need you to realize something that none of you are even aware of. By accepting the premise of the argument as "men are generally stronger than women," you are immediately accepting that trans women are men. It doesn't matter how you land the rest of your opinion. The fascists got you to accept their presupposition that trans women are just men.