Seriously, what is with women's fashion these days? Any other 30-somethings lurking?
ClarissaXDarjeeling
1 Post – 29 Comments
Joined 12 months ago
Neurotypical here, as far as I know.
No, there is nothing about brushing my teeth that's automatic. At some point during the evening I usually notice fuzzy-feeling teeth, or as I'm nodding off while reading my book will think "oh no, I never brushed my teeth..." There is always some small element of discipline to getting up and doing the thing. But I can usually remember without having to set an alarm or post a sticky note, if that meets your definition of "habit".
Exercise is brutal and IMO, that never gets easier, either. In contrast, I generally have an easier time with mental discipline & focus compared to physical tasks.
Strangely enough, as a (mostly) white Millennial woman, the majority of my peers now claim to have adult-onset/adult-diagnosed ADHD. Maybe this is an accurate diagnosis for some. And even if it's an exaggeration in other cases, who cares, as long as the coping strategies or medication is improving someone's quality of life.
What's sad to me, though, is when the diagnosis becomes an all-consuming identity and an excuse to stop trying altogether, a way to shut out the rest of the world. These women I know who excelled in school and work or had creative hobbies and traveled the world, now they just post mental health memes all day and joke about how it's impossible to get out of bed. And if anyone suggests maybe they TRY getting out of bed and see how it feels to participate in X, Y, Z activity like we used to, then come the accusations that we're clueless NTs who will never understand what it's like to struggle.
And that's just not true. NTs also work hard and struggle at times...that's life. So let's just make sure all these diagnoses are helping and working FOR us rather than AGAINST us. And sometimes forgetting to brush your teeth is just ... forgetting to brush your teeth.
Maybe. But I can see the appeal in many other eras and styles that I didn't grow up with and have no business relating to...
Is it "insecure" to want a garment that fits the human form and doesn't bunch / ride up / fall off my shoulders / let in the breeze? This doesn't even have to do with fashion from an aesthetic perspective, it has to do with function and comfort. (Lord knows, I gave up on "glam" fifteen years ago...)
Millennial woman in New England
Hahah this is true!! Maybe it's easier to remember the trends that aged well.
I think of shoulder pads as cringe, but apparently those are making a comeback ... https://www.thelist.com/465500/the-truth-about-whether-or-not-shoulder-pads-are-back-in-style/
In my last job (which was on a team of all cis women), people shared their pronouns...both singular AND plural (i.e., how they wanted to be referred to in a group). Which is pretty bizarre. Like, what if one person's plural pronoun is "folks" and another's is "friends"...then which term are you supposed to use?
And I came to hate saying "friends" because we weren't friends. It was a soul-sucking corporate gig, and I wasn't part of their mom squad...I never saw them outside of work, and I was always the last to learn about team changes, so let's be real: we aren't friends, we're coworkers. It got creepy being expected to smile and address everyone as "friends"!
FWIW, I have nothing against folks or guys or y'all ;)
-Here's the weirdest one: I used to hate the French language (too "mushy"!) and was super excited that my college offered German. I took THREE YEARS of German. Now I've forgotten it all, but I'm really into French and actually considering a French immersion program to get more conversational.
-Also, I used to love loud & stimulating environments (metal shows, night clubs, etc.) while now I appreciate tranquility. Gimme a used bookstore or nature walk any day! I went to a drag brunch recently cause it seemed like the kind of thing I should like as a gay-ish Millennial woman. But it was SO not my thing ... the lights, blaring music, close bodies, and cell phones documenting every second just ruined all the nice/chill things about brunch. And I can't survive an actual concert without earplugs.
-Food-wise, I hated seafood as a kid. Now I love it, including oysters and scallops and octopus and sushi/ceviche of any kind.
whoopsidoodle!
Weird headline ... if the motivation is "somebody-other-than-Trump", shouldn't that result in more donations to other Republican candidates? At least until we're through the primaries?
I also wonder how much is from corporate donations and PACs vs. individual donations. Trump is unhinged enough to scare wealthy conservatives...business interests favor stability and the status quo, and the finance industry has a special place in its heart for credit card Joe. (As a twisted bonus, gridlock in Washington is considered good for the stock market.) And if we're measuring in dollars here, the opinion of one CEO or board is going to count thousands of times more than any of our donations.
"Objective opinion" seems like an oxymoron, no? Did you mean the subjectivity of personal taste?
I didn't think this needed to be said in the context of casual conversation/griping...but no, I don't consider my taste in clothing (or music, or movies, or books, or food) to be objective fact that overrules every other person's perspective.
If I post about how pineapple on pizza is amazing (which it is) and all you pineapple haters are missing out, that doesn't mean I literally believe that everyone with taste buds will enjoy the taste of pineapple on pizza.
This is just my personal reaction to having trouble finding comfortable, flattering clothes beyond athletic attire. And I thought there might be other 30-something-year-old women on the internet with similar frustrations who could offer a pointer or two.
This makes a lot of sense, actually.
And I bet we all have this to some degree ... I don't WANT to think of myself as the bad guy. And my first reaction to criticism is usually defensiveness. Unless I'm already feeling bad/regretful about something, then I need some time and space to consider my behavior from someone else's perspective.
But yea in his parents' case it seems painfully simple-minded: we're on the correct side of history and fly BLM flags so we're good people. Nevermind that we faked unemployment from the CARES act for a little spending money (not due to any financial hardship) or that we probably gave people COVID on our travels...because as long as they aren't actively out there calling people names or posting conspiracy theories to facebook, they're the good ones. They're "inclusive", not hateful. They'll admit that we're "all in this together" and yadda yadda.
Maybe it's partly how they were raised, but in this case, it also feels like political polarization has given them the confidence to be selfish a-holes.
It took me years, but I finally started to appreciate high-waisted jeans after it dawned on me...oh, you can tuck IN the shirt. (I also have wide hips, but most importantly a nickel sensitivity. So getting this layer of fabric between my belly and the top button was a game changer! And allowed for more comfortable sitting haha.)
It's interesting that you mention sewing. I'm not very crafty, but maybe I could find a tailor/seamstress to make the simple kind of summer dress that I find flattering & comfy: a knee-length cylinder of fabric, somewhat form-fitting but not bandage/bodycon-level slinky, with basic straps rather than boho pouf sleeves or fringe or whimsical off-the-shoulder cuts.
P.S. I was also kind of a goth in HS, but less baggy goth and more Shirley Manson/Faith the Vampire Slayer inspired, with a bit of skapunk influence from my peer group. But I'm too lazy to accessorize these days ;) So at home it's 90% athleisure, and in the office it's the traditional business (casual) wardrobe I established ~10 years ago. Only, that's starting to feel too formal, and I'm trying to reclaim an actual sense of style.
In an office?? I feel like that would be weird or come across as sarcastic. I call my boss by his first name. Heck, we don't even call CEOs sir/ma'am anymore.
Shopping is annoying but still possible
True true! It used to be easy to find styles that resonated, and now I just have to dig a bit deeper.
On the topic of manufacturers, I also read that boxy styles can be a cost-cutting technique. Because it's easier than tailoring/tucking or making other adjustments when the human form isn't a simple rectangle.
Size 0 models, too...it's not just about cultural norms or fat shaming, it's also laziness. It's more work to tailor a garment to a curvy figure than a waifish one. (Plus, there's the simplicity of only having to supply one size.) Which isn't hating on anyone who happens to be a size 0 or a boxy shape to begin with! :)
Goldfish and dump in a "sharing size" bag of peanut m&ms. It's that perfect mix of salt and sweet ... I call it my fat kid trailmix
I just heard this for the first time ... an hour ago? From a Lemmy comment.
It does sound vaguely gross to my ears. Then again, so does the word "frothy" in a way I can't explain. (But "moist" has never been an issue.)
The mechanics are so frustrating ...
- Off-the-shoulder means cold shoulders
- Off-the-shoulder means limited bra options
- Off-the shoulder usually limits your arm movement
- ...or you have to be very careful that things don't slip too far and reveal a nip
- Mesh and gauze is just right out - pointless fabrics!
- These super loose and flowy shirts are hard to keep tucked in, so then my side flank gets cold
- ...or if it's long enough enough to tuck, it results in a balloon of fabric that makes me look pregnant
- Just to confirm, cause this is still hard for me to wrap my head around ... you ACTUALLY find this kind of thing cute?
https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-drapey-square-shirt-kalmata https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/bl-nk-miranda-peasant-blouse2 https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/by-anthropologie-mini-tulle-layer https://www.nordstrom.com/s/off-the-shoulder-top/7476942 https://www.nordstrom.com/s/ceres-off-the-shoulder-satin-blouse/7460847
Somehow I never got into Barbies, but now I really really really want a Polly Pocket movie
Tangentially related, someone told me that Brussels sprouts have been bred (er, cultivated? what's the word?) to be less bitter in recent years. So all of us who remember hating sprouts and now love 'em, it might be legitimately better!
It's one small thing to be thankful for. At the same time that I started losing my tolerance and drinking went from "yea!" to straight "blech", sober curious became more of a trend. Any decent bar/restaurant will have a (good!) mocktail or two, and non-alcoholic beer really has lagers and IPAs figured out.
And I don't feel like there's any social pressure or scrutiny over what I'm (not) drinking.
Ah yes, how could I forget the mesh / gauze / see-through tops and dresses! There's nothing like buying an article of clothing that requires buying more articles of clothing to go underneath, or fails to provide any warmth or a barrier of any kind.
Thanks for the tip re: tailoring :)
Somehow I always gravitate to the Atlantic ... so much that I actually felt bad after years of refreshing my browser for free articles, and now I actually pay real American dollars for a subscription.
Also, a few ultra local and free newspapers that with an online presence, especially when I'm in the mood to escape depressing national / international news.
I had the most amazing papardelle on Saturday! It was also comically slippery and difficult to share (went to an Italian restaurant for date night and got a few plates to split).
And I learned how to pronounce orechiette.
everyone looked like they dressed themselves by stumbling blindly through the discount rack at Gap Kids
I just want to say how much I loved this description and actually chortled. TBF, a google search of "early 2000s fashion" does indeed reveal no end of horrors... But it feels like this was somehow just a celebrity thing? Because we didn't dress like crazy people at the time. I still think there was something iconic about Keira Knightley's abs, but we weren't stepping out of the house like that ;)
Haha now that you mention it...yea.
As a teen/early 20-something, I had a lot of energy and anger in general, which probably influenced my aesthetic and cultural preferences. Now I'm more chill, more content, but much lower energy.
I still enjoy hard rock & metal, but it's more in a sentimental way, or to have in the background so I clean the bathroom more efficiently ;) I'm not exactly seeking out new bands in that genre.
I would probably be just as awkward and just as bullied. No thanks.
Fat > sugar, IMO
I was never interested in frosting, but then I met buttercream frosting, cream cheese frosting, and the like. When used sparingly, without overwhelming the cake/cupcake, it's divine :D
I agree that it's healthy to experiment. At four years old, I was a "boy" whenever I played Peter Pan. And as a teen, I happened to go through a rather butch phase when I could easily be confused for a boy. I'm thankful that my parents weren't at all hung up on gender conformity, and neither was the community.
But if parents make a big deal out of changing a kid's name and pronouns and clothing, and swapping all the gender-stereotypical toys of one gender for another, and joining pride groups and making it a central part of the family's identity ... I think that creates a LOT of pressure for that child to continue in a trans identity (even though it's pretty unlikely their toddler was actually trans to begin with).
Why not dress however you like, play with whatever toys you like, but hold off on the assumption that gender non-conformity = transgender child? Or hold off on trying to "teach" these concepts to a little person who's perfectly content just eating dirt and playing tag?
My nephew right now is two and a half and pretty oblivious of gender. He shows no objection with being referred to with male pronouns, and yet his daycare teachers refuse to use he/him pronouns until he "comes out as cis" (in the meantime, all children are "they"). The parents in this community also fly flags and post messages like "trans children are sacred" and "bless the queer kids" constantly. It might sound lovely, and it's meant to be inclusive ... but children are quick to pick up on favoritism and which kids are considered special. In addition to that general sentiment, if parents keep asking, "Are you a boy or a girl? It's ok if you feel like a girl, sweetie" ... then eventually kids will parrot back whatever terms they hear, or whatever they think will earn a positive response. (Case in point: if you ask my nephew in an enthusiastic voice, he may confirm his identity as "cat" and "dog" and "cement mixer".)
In short: if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Don't create complexity where there wasn't any before.
My guess is that in the vast majority of cases, adults who officially "transition" their very young children are simply projecting their own desire for ally-ship. And my main gripe remains: if teachers and counselors continue to conflate gender non-conformity with transgenderism, then clearly they aren't qualified to "teach" what it is in the first place. Let boys in dresses and girls with short hair be just that, without probing for more.
I think it's very difficult, in practice, to "teach" young children about gender identity without falling back on stereotypes and gender conformity.
Since an 8-year-old girl doesn't have overtly feminine characteristics like breasts or wide hips to feel physically uncomfortable with, how do you explain what it means to "feel like a boy"? The examples I've seen in elementary schools revert to showing a boy in a dress as "feeling like a girl"...when really, preferences for toys or clothing shouldn't determine your gender or cis/trans-ness. (And even at older ages, being uncomfortable with newly-sprouted breasts or hating periods doesn't make you a trans boy, of course.)
I also think there is danger in quizzing children about this at a very young age and then taking them literally. Some of my coworkers have "transitioned" their toddlers and pre-schoolers ... but these kids are still young enough to identify as cats and dogs and fairies, depending on the day. In this case, the adults aren't intentionally grooming. But it's likely that they're asking leading questions and misinterpreting childhood play through their own lens of having an established gender identity.
IMO, we'd all benefit from taking gender a bit less seriously.
I'm still friendly with my in-laws, but I will never respect or trust them in quite the same way.
They're very liberal and proud to "believe the science!", always making fun of conservative anti-vaxxers.
And yet, during a major COVID wave, they went bar hopping without telling us (we were all going to a family member's wedding, so my partner and I were trying to be VERY cautious and avoid bringing any germs to this wedding). Then they coughed all night without bothering to test. And once they tested positive, they started googling different countries' COVID policies looking for any guidance that would "let" them go to the wedding. With the bride's 90-year-old grandpa in attendance.
On the plane ride back, I emphasized the importance of wearing N-95s in case we were still contagious ... but as soon as I got up to pee, I realized they were both napping UNMASKED.
But somehow they're not the problem. If only those stupid Trumpies would wear masks, then we wouldn't have a pandemic.
We had an awkward semi-falling out over this at the time. And yet, the next time we visited his family, people were coughing all over the place AGAIN, and no one had tested AGAIN. (This was over the holidays, so I would have been "stuck" there and unable to see my own family if anyone actually had COVID, which thankfully they didn't this time.)
At this point, I've just come to understand and accept it. His parents were always the fun ones - they have people over all the time, they'll cook for you, they can hold their liquor, they'll light up a joint while blasting Grateful Dead. They're also politically vocal and super woke for their age.
But don't expect them to be honest if it might interrupt their fun. Don't rely on them. Because really, they only care about other people when it's either fashionable or convenient.