in all honesty, I don't really want to have to spend all my time blocking and curating when I just want to contribute when I can. I usually don't visit a ton of other lemmy instances, and the ones I do I don't really comment in, either. maybe I'm overly anxious and skittish, but at the same time, I'm 1) very much already tired and don't want to spend a ton of time curating a block list and 2) just trying to find a community to fit in where I'm comfortable.

I know I'm not the most active by far, but I don't want this community to open up just so we can have more content. more content to me doesn't always equal good content, I guess.

having come from reddit, where I was ignored or didn't feel safe commenting, Beehaw is a breath of fresh air. and it makes me hopeful.

I don't really participate in Discord servers anymore (after watching several explode) so this is a lot of my social interaction. I'm still not super confident in my ability to engage (especially on topics I don't know a lot about, but I like learning, so I like to read those threads regardless) because similar to what someone else mentioned in the thread, I don't know that I have a lot of value to add.

I really enjoy my time here, is what I'm trying to say. I told my partner immediately after reading this "wherever they go, I'll follow" and I meant it. this is also my first experience with Lemmy, but I'm not attached to the software. what works for the community works for me.

just trying to offer words of support! you guys 1000% deserve it. so happy I came back.

welp, time to explain why I don't have a desktop after my post two weeks ago that I had to put new parts in.

the short version is that the motherboard's AMD bracket was covered mostly by a plastic piece that said "REMOVE" so I did that, but it wasn't clear that I was supposed to put it back on. ultimately when I kept trying to put things together and they didn't work, some of the motherboard's CPU pins got crushed, and now I have to hope I can get another. I'm trying to return it to amazon and use the money for a second one, but we'll see how that goes. the CPU itself might be damaged too, it's not clear, and I have no way of testing it without the motherboard. I feel really dumb for not knowing that the bracket was supposed to go there. and I can't just buy a new one right now because being on disability sucks.

originally I thought it had been the RAM since I was told the motherboard was finnicky with it, but I had to take two sets of it back after I found out it was the motherboard. thankfully my cousin looked at it and is willing to put things together for me again. it's just waiting on amazon is killing me. I spend a lot of time at my desktop (especially because it's going to be over 90 degrees here for a while) and my laptop is a low end gaming one from 6 years ago. it can't run much, including my favorite game, although I can play it for very short periods of time. I broke out my nintendo switch to play, but that's not helping the depression too much.

some issues with my partner popped up, as well as some with my mother, and I just don't feel great. been trying to do what I can for that (like making some posts here) but it's a battle and I wish I didn't have to have it. I hope the week improves but I'm just tired already.

I live with my mom and she has to have the news on borderline 24/7 while she's awake. I hate it because I have very good hearing so I constantly listen to music instead.

when I lived alone, I simply didn't have any sort of streaming service or cable, or what have you. my tv was exclusively for music and gaming on. that was even years ago.

frankly, I hate having to be around the news for the most part. I will sometimes read stuff on beehaw, but otherwise, no, not for me.

mine is actually something I learned about in therapy. wet a washcloth with cold water, then put ice cubes in it. there are various places you can put it to cool down (inner part of your elbow, neck, lower back, etc.) but the first one I was taught was actually the pulse point under your chin, because it also serves a purpose of calming you down. if you're angry or anxious, it might help, on top of cooling you off.

a second thing that I've done is, before bed, putting my comforter and/or my pillowcase in the freezer. only really works depending on size of the freezer and comforter, though.

I'm going to tentatively poke my head back in here after being gone for a while.

I play two gacha games and have managed to set down the one I've played the longest in favor of the one I enjoy more, so I'll count that as a win. I've started getting back into a hobby I started last year, but I got really overwhelmed and burned out. so now I'm back, hopefully, trying to take that slow.

I started writing fanfiction again recently after almost two decades out of spite because I didn't like where the game's writing went. and I think lastly I'm just grateful my dogs are healthy, one had a bacterial infection that just cleared up last week.

I hope everyone else's week is going well so far!

it's not honestly a beehaw issue, if that helps! I'm just a very anxious and insecure person in general, and I very rarely have engaged in online spaces. beehaw has been the first place I've felt safe enough to start trying to, after a series of bad discord servers.

y'all have a lovely place here, and I'm happy to be along for it!

so mine is kind of situational, but while I have a really hard time taking care of myself, I'm always able to get up and do things for my dogs. they need to be let out, shown affection (which is also good for depression!), fed, etc. it helps that they like to lay in bed with me and are very forgiving when it comes to timing on, say, when they're fed.

honestly I just think having something to care for in these situations can be very helpful, but it also depends on the person.

for me, I'm really fixated on Cassette Beasts, because Pokemon has been disappointing for me for a long while now. I keep debating on whether I buy it now, or wait until they implement the online multiplayer they just announced.

I love the game, but I like extremely slow progress, so I use mods and modify the wealth multiplier(?) as well in the vanilla to make it more challenging. I also really love mods that add content, and there are quite a few out there! it's annoying to always update mods manually (as compared to the steam workshop) but I did really enjoy when I was playing with my partner and we had 30+ mods!

a family member who I'm close to who also plays Stardew Valley likes to refer to me playing "Dark Souls Stardew Valley" which I thought was funny, especially because I'm terrible at Dark Souls.

overall I really like the game on it's own. it helps that ConcernedApe has kept adding to it even though he absolutely doesn't have to (it's a big game as it is!) and I appreciate him for that. I do get a tiny bit stressed about the timer on days (notably when I'm playing with someone else and they're really stretching the time thin) but it's a very, very small thing. I had never played Harvest Moon or any other farming sim games before SDV, so I have no point to compare, but I just really appreciate the game being chill and a change of pace from games I'd usually play, that are almost entirely based on combat.

this is incredibly important. I started having asexual pride stuff visibly with me (bumper magnet, metal ttrpg dice) because I had never saw anyone with that before. I hope it's able to bring reassurance to someone.

ayyy new thread new game!

well kind of. I'm actually playing Caves of Qud a bit, now that I understand it more (I did end up installing the tutorial mod, thank you for that! and I did watch a small non-spoilery tutorial series as well) and I'm having a really good time. I started out with a character the tutorial recommended and have been fighting fish to level up. planning on taking on the first big quest tho!

sadly I'm stuck on an old gaming laptop that doesn't really like to play games, so I can't jump into all the games I want to. even my gacha game I play is pushing it, although I still login every day and do my required stuff. the laptop just gets extraordinarily hot. it handles Caves of Qud, because ascii, but I was wanting to jump in to Elden Ring at some point (I don't have the DLC, does it make new runs more exciting at the beginning or is it a later thing?) and realized it's not an option I think due to my laptop's specs and general grumpiness.

so I've been wrestling with Borderlands 3 to get it to work, and my partner and I have been playing that for a bit. I love the BL series, although 2 was imho the best for writing. the humor still annoys me sometimes but I started playing the series with the first one when it came out, as a kid, so it has a special place in my heart. my partner hasn't really ever played first person shooter games, so Destiny 2 (when we played) and Borderlands was their introduction.

this is actually what I'm going to be giving a go! I have very little experience (I have servers that run Debian and DietPi, but I get help with those) with linux but I'm really excited to give the KDE version a try. and I've been trying to learn, too, because also my partner is going to be moving to a dual boot setup as well. been watching a lot of videos and reading a lot too, especially while my desktop is out of commission.

do you find that anything is missing in Bazzite for you?

I didn't particularly like the layout styling in Pop!_OS and being so new to linux, I didn't know how much I could change aesthetics wise. KDE looks more appealing to me, I don't know if it's because it looks like windows, but that might be a factor? it's the default on the distro I wanna give a try (Bazzite) which also has nudged me in that direction.

I wasn't expecting so many people to have used Debian for things other than servers. I have it on a server myself, but I decided I needed something more set up for gaming already on my desktop. what led you to Debian specifically? the stability?

I thought I was really desperate after my last ex broke up with me, because part of me wanted companionship back (I was in the relationship for 8 years) so badly that I felt like I would do anything for it.

I realized though that, in addition to being asexual, I was aromantic, and that the partnership I wanted was a queer platonic one. I know this basically not anything like other people want but I thought I'd share regardless.

I have no desire to go on dating apps, because what would it do for someone like me? I met my first ex through fandom RP, and my second ex through school. my QPP I also met through RP, and we now write together every day. we bond a lot through creating stories together, and although we're in two separate countries for now, the relationship has been going strong for several years. hobbies I feel are always a good starting place for trying to meet people, for what that's worth.

a major thing for me has been communication. try to always keep in mind that playing games isn't going to get you anywhere. honest communication may suck sometimes, but I had it really nailed into me that it was important, and so I try to practice that every day with my partner.

I wish you lots of luck in finding what you need!

Having a rough one, unfortunately.

Power went out today, but it's not just us so I think that's at least promising that we don't have to have an electrician come out and fix something.

Currently struggling with a lot of anxiety over my computer. I spend a lot of time on it and I love playing video games, plus my queer platonic partner is long distance. But it's showing a lot of issues and some of the parts are really old, so I want to replace them. Gotta find the money for that somehow. I'm hoping to start fresh on it and wipe everything plus dual boot windows with pop!_os. I had already installed both before but starting anew sounds like a good idea.

I barely know how to use linux but I have a server so that's helped me understand more, at least. I'd swap completely but one of the games I love demands windows because of anti-cheat.

Birthday was as good as it could be. People close to me put in a lot of effort to make it nice, but trauma always comes in swinging. But it was nicer than other years have been, I'll count it as a win.

I stand by Persona being my favorite game series of all time (3 was my first one, but 4 is very good too) but those are available on Steam now so aren't a great recommendation. but if you're taking games that are in other places as well, I would say Disgaea (2 was my favorite) and Devil May Cry (3 was my favorite.)

I would echo what someone else said here about Jak and Daxter and Ratchet and Clank. I know it wasn't as popular as some of the other games in the series, but Ratchet: Deadlocked was the first game I beat multiple times in a row.

I also played a bit of Dark Cloud 2 and never got too far in, but heard a lot of good things.

unfortunately I am in it for the grinding, progression and crafting a build (usually something off the wall when I get confident.)

that said, I do love Hades! I've been wanting to get the second one despite it being in early access so hopefully that'll be in my library soon.

came from reddit here, too. I often am too anxious to comment for a variety of reasons, so I mostly read. I try to post things when I get the courage to.

trying out Mario Odyssey, since my main computer is down for the count. I don't know why console gaming has become difficult for me after I started gaming on pc.

then, I'm dipping my toes in with Caves of Qud, but I don't know if my brain is in the place right now to learn how to play. tutorial videos are likely in my future.

for video games, I assume? correct me if I'm wrong! if so, I really enjoy seeing people do off the wall stuff myself, even if I'm not terribly good at it anymore. I've been delving into Caves of Qud recently and seeing videos of people doing different builds is really cool.

honestly I wasn't going to watch these and then I started to and now I have to watch all of them. Jauwn is genuinely entertaining and that's always a nice find for me.

thank you for sharing!

I had a lot of responses to one of my more recent posts asking about linux distros, which was really nice and interesting to see what people said. I'll keep that in mind for future posts, thank you for the reply!

but I feel like I should be doing better.

I have these kinds of thoughts often. but it's not a good way to think about things, as in, at least it's always been damaging to me. you shouldn't invalidate your own feelings. if you're not doing "better," that's okay. you don't have to be perfect just because nothing catastrophic happened. or because you feel like if you pushed yourself harder things would be significantly better.

procrastination is never for no reason, and as you said, you feel like a lot is at stake. you have a lot going on! and unfortunately, no one has instructions that will make the nebulous "don't get it wrong" voice go away. it sucks. I know that feeling, and I empathize.

what's helped me is to sit down, preferably with someone I trust and who respects my emotions, and make a little "plan." not a full one where I have x, y, and z plus an emergency one, but just something that will make me feel like the world isn't going to crash down around me at any moment. for example, I had to sort out with my partner what we would do if amazon rejected a return I made because money is tight. even just knowing the future isn't a mysterious void had helped me.

additionally, my only safe space is also my room where I live. I don't know what your living space looks like, but things that have helped me is buying something small to decorate it and make it feel more like my own, possibly getting a small living plant (I have aloe and haworthia, they're very easy to take care of and it sparks a little joy when I see them growing), or even just tidying up a bit, or moving things around so that they're not in the exact same place. when I feel claustrophobic and confined to my room, I try to go on walks (weather permitting!) to remind myself there is space that is safe outside of the house. listening to music or podcasts helps me too, if that's something you also like. I try for at least twice a week and find myself walking more than expected because it's nice to have that break.

I wish you good luck on the cake! and apologies if none of this helps. I just feel like our situations have some things in common and wanted to reach out with what solutions I have for myself.

I hope things get easier for you soon!

as my profile states, I'm a triple A threat (agender, aromantic, asexual) and it's only been recently that I've figured out that...genders just aren't for me.

I like to joke that for me, gender is a prison (but any pronouns are fine) and I've seen things like non-binary people saying "she/her but like you'd say about an old car" which is funny to me, but I know it bothers some people, and I respect that. I still struggle myself with saying "guys" a lot, but I hang out with friends younger than me and am trying to use "y'all" more, I've never quite grasped using "folks". I also try using "feminine" and "masculine" instead of "male" and "female" for things that might potentially reference a binary gender. like "masculine pronouns", for example.

I used to identify as genderfluid, for a long time, but I've never dressed in a typical feminine fashion, as an afab person, and while I like some masculine clothing, I really just don't want to bother trying to tie myself to a particular style. t-shirts and hoodies are great and comfy, thanks.

non-binary means having freedom to breathe, and not be subjected to having to find something I specifically identify with and making it ironclad. my partner is also non-binary, and we've been on the journey together, which has been nice, but they more identify with having, what they call, "too much gender".

It's a process for everyone, and one that never stops.

yep! here it is on the steam workshop and I hope it helps you out! if you want the video series too, I can shoot that your way, it doesn't really spoil anything and I didn't know 95% of the mechanics even existed.

live and drink friend!

this is such a mood. I was playing Mario Odyssey earlier on a big screen tv, and... it still didn't feel great, hahahaha. even though my monitors are smaller, I just prefer it.

welcome! what kind of video essays, if I can ask?

thank you so much!

I really appreciate the admins for making such a good space. and for you saying that, I really enjoy being here. I'll be making some new threads soon!

writing!

I do collaborative writing with my partner (who has been the light in a lot of darkness for me) but also just...working on characters, developing new worlds, putting together music playlists for them and pinterest boards. It's escapism at it's finest but I've been told I'm good at it when I share my writing, it's been my source of pride since I was a kid. when the words are flowing, I can easily get lost in them, like everything bad is gone for a while.

I'm glad you can still find peace in things, and I hope you can find more ways for that feeling to be enjoyed.

why no hope for Revolt? I had looked into it self hosting wise, but when I realized they had made it really difficult, I lost interest and haven't been following it since.

In our case, my partner's desktop had broken down completely (they later ended up with parts from my ex's computer that they could use to fix the issues) a while ago, and they had to use a very old laptop as well. I'm a really avid gamer and I'm learning to code, plus I stream for my partner everything from videos, to movies, to video games. Plus we play together. So I feel you!

Currently the remaining parts will be here Friday and then I have to figure out how to put them in. I didn't build my current desktop and have only done small things in it so far. There's also wiping things clean for the dual boot, and to help ensure the issues hopefully clear up on the software end. I did at least enjoy learning about different Linux distros.

Thank you for this message! It made me feel a bit better.

I feel you. I dislike most of the pyro characters honestly! and also, oof, Thoma requires ascension materials from a special huge questline island in Inazuma. he's kind of a pain to level. the pyro four star I like the most is a tie between Gaming and Yanfei. Yoimiya is my favorite 5 star one, and she works well with Thoma, actually.

you can probably guess who some of my favorites are based on profile pic and banner (eventually, anyway, they're both in Inazuma.)

who do you have your eyes on that you want, anyone besides Diluc and Shenhe? I don't know what the banners are currently.

valid, one day I'll figure out ssh! until then I physically hook up my Raspberry Pis to my monitor.

thank you much for the list, and the links for Lemmy communities!

I really just wanted something that could have separated recipes and grocery lists, because my partner is long distance and I wanted this to help them out too. those were my only requirements, I just hadn't known my full range of options at the time.

and thank you too for mentioning to look to solve problems. I'm trying to do that, and not go too deep off into trying to host things I don't need. I had been looking for an RSS reader to keep up with some news things since I don't go on reddit anymore, but I found out that Homarr has a widget for it. trying that out now.

the lovely thing about writing is "good" is extremely subjective, and only matters to the reader. if you're only writing for yourself, you're not there to people please, you're just there for you. I don't share my writing much anymore, aside from writing with my partner, or in some cases, for them.

I threw out some of my old writing too, and desperately wish I could have it back. but, there's never a bad time to start up again and create something new, even if it's just to test the waters. just something to think about. I always support people using writing as a coping mechanism.

I'm admittedly playing Honkai: Star Rail, and do so daily, although I'm just waiting for new story content so it's just dailies.

besides that, I've been thinking of playing Pillars of Eternity, and hoping it would click for me this time. I struggle with focusing on one game, and will normally skip around, but I want to get better about that.

lastly, I'm really wanting to get Baldur's Gate 3, and Jagged Alliance 3. I know BG3 isn't out of early access yet, so I'm waiting, but Jagged Alliance 3 looks fun af, and I've heard lots of good things from a family member about the series.

maybe ME! (Brenden Urie and Taylor Swift, probably only kinda counts) and Just Give Me A Reason (P!nk and Nate Ruess)? I think Like I'm Gonna Lose You (Meghan Trainor, John Legend) might also work?

I don't talk here but I am a user and this community has helped me a whole hell of a lot. I'll see if I can get a donation heading your way when I next get paid! thanks for your hard work.

Stardew Valley! but...extremely modded SDV. I'm playing multiplayer with my partner and we have almost 60 mods going. quite a few of them are aesthetic but we have some area expansions and stuff like that as well. I really like tweaking the game so that it's more difficult, I've played it so much (over 300 hours!) that it's more appealing to me that way.

I love modding games in general. it's my curse.