Fiona

If US police is this incompetent, the only real solution is to take their guns away. It works in the UK.

And yes, there are more guns in general in the US, but that means that the police needs to be BETTER at deescalation than in the UK, not worse.

(Also: Obviously there are exceptions for specialized units in the UK, and the same would have to happen in the US, but your standard run-of-the-mill cop really doesn’t need more than pepper-spray and a stick.)

So far:

Essentially everything that would have told me a few years ago that my wish to be a woman was REALLY not something that cis-people experience and what the actual diagnostic criteria for gender-dysphoria were.

I was SOOO close to getting it about 10 years ago, it’s mind-boggling. Like I talked to other trans-people I knew at the time about how I suspected that I was trans, I read up on the topic and in the end stupidly decided that all my issues were only that I was lonely and that the only reason I wanted to be a girl was because it would have made dating so much easier and that that wouldn’t translate into dating as a trans-woman.

I mean, yes, this was a real problem I had, but there were so many other signs that it was not just that and I completely ignored that cis people would not respond to that problem with the wish for a different gender. It’s really as stupid as it sounds, and it cost me very dearly in so many ways.

This is not for everyone and it is most certainly not cheap¹, but if you have the time, sewing stuff yourself isn’t actually that hard, a great conversation-starter and can give you stuff that fits you exactly the way you want. You are no longer bound by what some executive morons in the fashion-industry decide is now “in” and has to be worn by everyone (because they won’t sell anything else; I dare you, find me a shop that sells a skirt like this) and you know for a fact that the person who made your clothes was underpaid 😉︎.

¹ I’m serious: Even if you (usually unjustifiably so) assume that you already have all the equipment for free, fabric is very expensive!

Just as a warning: That way of thinking is what delayed my transition for over a decade. I don’t know for certain yet that transition will solve all of my problems, but those ten years were almost certainly less fun than they could have been.

That sounds very much like something that the Netherlands might be interested in. If you are a “highly qualified foreigner” (Master-degree counts) you may even see very substantial tax-benefits being given to you by the government (for the first five years 30% of your income won’t be taxed).

(German citizen living in the Netherlands for work.)

Two things:

• You are not limited to the US, there are a lot of countries that are just better in pretty much every way.
• Ask yourself whether you would enjoy working at a company that was transphobic enough to only invite you because they didn't know you were trans. The filter here goes both ways!

I cannot tell you what is right for you, but I do think it might be worth a thought...

That too.

By most accounts it is definitely common enough that you should REALLY check everything, because adrenaline can be a hell of a drug. Like: people noticing a fairly small entrance-wound but being completely unaware of a gigantic exit-wound is apparently so common that I’ve heard that it is the very first thing you should check for in case of a shooting.

most people who are transgender know that they are transgender before they know the meaning of the word “transgender”

Sorry, but I do take issue with that assessment. Societal pressure is one hell of a drug at creating denial and it can take a very long time before you are able to admit to yourself what you are (There is a reason why the term “egg” is thrown around so much these days). As a trans-woman who has only recently had a partial outing (though now with the goal to go through with it all the way) and still struggles with how much my gender-dysphoria fluctuates between unbearable and non-existent you are essentially telling me, that I’m an imposter because it took me 10+ years since I met the first trans-women to finally come to terms with myself.

Also, when I’m already at it, not to you but as a big fuck-you to any transphobes who may read this: I guess I owe you pieces of human garbage some thanks, because all your hate-speech gave rise to so much awareness and support from people who I considered respectable in the first place that I felt a lot more comfortable to come out as who I am, for most people around me had made pro-trans comments at one point or another.