This is like a serial killer wearing their victim’s face. Good job!

Underpaid high school teacher: “Any questions on the lesson?”

Student: “Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”

Wrong orientation

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give a man a life and he will be alive for the rest of his life.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/-ussy

Routine colonoscopy after hitting middle age

POV: you are French

Nautical nonsense

No amount of logic and reasoning can convince someone to develop a sense of empathy.

Bo Burnham: Inside?

But is it still the same plane?

What could come of people clicking on the “Report issue” option and sending back tons of false reports claiming that they have gotten the pop-up message despite not using an ad-blocker?

The judge: “POTUS isn’t an officer of the United States”

Also the judge:

I sure hope questions of fact don’t get overturned on appeal as you say they rarely do, since that excerpt is from the Finding of Fact section of the court ruling.

The advisory, released Wednesday by Yolo County Public Health

Somehow this isn’t The Onion

If the rapture is 15 minutes late then we’re legally allowed to leave

Me when I am given sentience without my prior consent and must live with constant IBS, fibromyalgia, and TMJ pain

The school:

“We’re all trying to find the guys who bully”

They seem to be playing off of this recent highly-upvoted post

1 mile ≈ 528 halves of a giraffe

This is just like the sus YouTube ad that I can’t get rid of no matter how many times I report it

Ironic. He could save bridges from suspension but not himself.

I'm one of the many who have had trouble logging in, and this issue is surely underreported as those affected generally aren't able to report it. It also seems like I'm not able to upvote or downvote. I'll update with any more issues that I come across but I only just now became able to log-in after a long wait and several different browsers.

Edit: it seems like I can successfully upvote/downvote, but the updated vote count and my blue/red arrow only show after refreshing the page. Thanks for all the work you put into this instance btw

Edit 2: All problems seem to have resolved now

My boss has called me into his office multiple times to help him with Microsoft Excel

Literally doesn’t mean literally

The phrasing of “was caused by a worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died” implies that just a nibble of his brain was so toxic that it caused the parasitic worm to die. Hopefully RFK Jr. gets proper treatment and any lasting effects are healed. With a presidential race where the candidates’ mental faculties are such a point of contention, it seems like RFK Jr. will avoid much of the armchair doctors’ criticism despite his affliction because he’s not either of the two main candidates.

Elon: bans hi-vis safety colors from factories

Elon when injury rates and severity increase:

Pirating because you didn’t know that money can be exchanged for goods and services

Wikipedia says All is Lost has only 1 character, but I did find a SPOILER scene that shows Redford by someone else’s arm for only a couple of seconds. I’d figure this is the only scene with anyone else onscreen.

It asked me to include a screenshot of the page and highlight areas of the image to draw attention to them, so I sent a screenshot similar to the one in this post and highlighted every use of the word “ads”. I also sardonically lauded false praise of the site and its advertisements in the written reply.

I was actually thinking The Shaggs tbh

I facepalm seeing people who are usually on top of the ball with their political views sharing articles from Mediaite, The Daily Beast, and The New Republic without recognizing the prominence of inflammatory and agenda-pushing bad journalism across these platforms. It may not be every single story or headline but it’s a consistent theme, especially with the more viral articles. The same types of flaws are a major aspect of what Fox News is condemned for and lead to people picking a side of a story or picking a party just for emotion and in-grouping rather than reason.

*God: You, Lot, are insufferable

FTFY

“Returns” is a really odd choice of word here. The samples have not been on Earth before.

I just pronounce the new name as “ks” since that’s the sound which the letter X generally makes and it irritates sycophants. Also, if the site URL still has Twitter as its base then it’s still an acceptable name

Civil War between these regions — who would win?

“News” is the wrong word. “Dogma” is a better choice.

He’s part echidna

I wouldn’t count anything that isn’t at least arguably as long as a movie. Wallace & Gromit: A Grand Day Out and the SpongeBob episode “Gary Takes a Bath” otherwise would count as well. There’s probably an otherwise qualifiable clone-focused episode of The Clone Wars, too.