I don't fall asleep listening to anything but my fan, but reading knocks me the fuck out most nights. Sometimes I can't make it through a paragraph before catching myself with my eyes completely closed.

This was always the silenced PP7 for me.

Honestly, that's on her for not liking the smell of cumin.

Wow. I've never seen this before and I really liked it.

I encourage my daughter (4) to run and peek through the small window beside the front door whenever the driver is out there taking photo. She always looks like a goblin.

Meanwhile, everyone will bitch about the absurdity of this and how shitty Musk and his followers are, then continue to use the platform daily as though it's an essential service. Anyone who hasn't jumped ship my now is either complacent or wholly supportive.

Ava Louise, for those curious. Her/her tits are.. not really my thing.. Like a Bratz doll with Thanksgiving turkeys stuffed into her chest.

I'm sorry, I don't understand. But would you like to hear why employees working on its voice assistant are being laid off by Google?

I love seeing how this crusty bastard devolves over time. I don't know that anyone can make him look any worse at this point.

The bottom ones have delectable white meat inside. The top ones are all brown guts and crispy, musty shell. Nobody is shelling crickets for a worthwhile piece of meat inside like you do a shrimp or a lobster.

They look similar to bugs, sure. But let's not pretend it's the same thing.

Motherfuckin' Budnick!

Fuckin' SSSLLAAmmMMMMmEeeDddd, dude!

Like a trashcan lid to the head!

WE GOT HIM BOYS! NO ONE SEEKS ENLIGHTENMENT ON OUR WATCH!

That'll keep the youth from giggling, bonding, and appreciating the beauty of the forest around them.

Produce Manager here. Place the end that opens directly between your two palms, and rub your palms together vigorously. The bag will stick to one palm or both, opening every time. Please stop licking your fingers to open these bags and then picking through our vegetables. You're gross.

AI photos have taken Facebook by storm. So many are very obviously fucked up looking and not real, but the sheer stupidity of the masses shines as strong as ever. I even stumbled into a weird genre of AI-generated pictures of motorcycles built entirely from wood planks, usually with a toddler sitting on one and a caption like "Make this myself!", and the comments section is absolutely bursting with morons praising how wonderful the craftsmanship is. The only part of these photos that even looks life-like is the kid. And yet..

I'm an American ex-pat living as a permanent resident in Canada, and nothing irks me more than listening to idiots from back home arguining with my about the efficacy of our healthcare because "they know a guy who has told them horror stories". You don't know shit, and if you really do know someone telling you horror stories about Canadian healthcare, you're most likely speaking to an overprivledged conservative cunt who lives a lavish life on his oil money whilst somehow convincing himself he has it bad purely because Trudeau is in power.

ER wait times? Sure. But no worse than in the States. And unlike there I don't have a fuck ton of medical debt, like 5k ER bills for an ultrasound of all things. Fuck me for having inexplicable pain in my abdomen once that never amounted to anything but debt. My mistake.

"Their sweet and sour is just plum sauce and mustard, Naima.."

"DON'T YOU FUCKING RUIN THIS FOR ME!"

One of my employees fell hard for an ultra-religious girl from there. She made him read through Revelations when he went out to visit her, and she was very involved in campaigning against abortion rights. Naturally, I thought she sounded like a stupid bitch, and I was very pleased to hear that their relationship crashed and burned and she lost the abortion vote, all within the span of two weeks.

I want to be positive and I'm trying to remain optimistic, but somehow I just know it in my bones that they're going to further Fallout 4 the franchise and strip away even more skills and attributes. Hell, maybe they'll get rid of dialogue entirely.

This is the same person who smugly replies with "Clearly you've never heard of [thing every person has fucking heard of]" or "Today you learned a very important lesson." on some common wisdom that every person over the age of ten possesses.

OP doesn't know how it goes.

I remember how much this pleased me at the height of Bernie's campaign. :(

Mediocre? He's the goddamn paterfamilias!

I thought when my mom said she would drop things off at Goodwill, she meant a giant, hollow wooden wheel full of tumbling clothing called Good Wheel. I imagined it looked a lot like a water wheel at a mill.

My boss ordered an anti-fatigue mat from Amazon recently and entirety of the inside of that package smelled like a fish market.

It's up to Barron now to bring this entire operation down. I remember how much he looked as though he didn't want to be there at the inauguration. It can only be him.

One of my cats (who is very sweet but a tad mentally handicapped) likes to try to get into people's food while they're eating it. Especially my toddler's, who is an easy target. Poultry and sliced turkey are her most popular choices. She had a bit of a rough life before we wound up with her, and has a mild food insecurity (when it suits her) and what seems like a streak of ferality despite her love for affection.

Anyway, whenever I catch her sneaking a piece of food off a plate, I go, "GET OUTTA HERE, YA FUCKIN' RAT!", and she runs off, sometimes with a piece of food, then stops to devour it and/or furiously lick her feet and play it off cool. It's annoying, but she's loved, and I guess at the end of the day the vibe just wouldn't be right it she wasn't a fuckin' rat every now and then.

It's the sodium that will get her one of these days. But ya live like a rat, ya fuckin' die like a rat.

I have a very vivid memory of working with this girl who had a neck so large that it hung down like a bullfrog's sack. I had lost some weight myself and we were discussing nutrition and my high water consumption, and I remember she looks at me very seriously and a little exasperated and says, "I'm eating healthier too. I stopped drinking so much pop and switched entirely to juice."

People really do believe that pure fruit juice is good for your body. I think it's largely due to the average person's inability to understand caloric intake and how to decipher a nutrional chart.

As a father of a four-year-old, this story makes me want to fucking puke. Swept into a storm drain is one of the most horrific ways I could imagine losing my little girl.

Le reddit wins legain, m'fellows!

Richard passed beyond the veil Tuesday morning. His brain was made into mince-meat. He poofed into a cloud of smoke and was carried away by a wayward zephyr, destined for the clearing at the end of the path.

Jesus Christ, that was a dark article.

My wife and I strayed through North Dakota once on our way back to Canada. It was during a really intense heat wave several years back, so the trip through was nothing but tall grass and heat ripples stretching on and on toward patches of dense trees. This continued exactly the same way throughout the entirety of the state. There was little to no evidence of civilization anywhere. At one point during our search for gas we came across a tiny town of maybe twenty people who were setting up for quite the party at the general store/town hall/only functional building around. They seemed bewildered to see outsiders but were kind enough to explain that half of the signs pointing toward the nearest gas station no longer led to operational gas stations. This may have saved our lives as we pressed ever onward, now equipped with the knowledge of which signs were real.

Eventually we even collided with a duck (purely by accident) and it ejected its anus (the entire organ, not just the contents) onto the grill of our vehicle where it remained as a small gift for untold miles. Then we were faced with our final dilemma; spending the night in the middle of North Dakota, or finding lodging on a rather unfriendly reservation in Montana, so we decided to just cross the border and take our chances in Saskatchewan. I really couldn't tell you if that played out any better, but we did make it home eventually.

Those chicks loved him for his personality, too. What a bummer. Hope they wait for him to get out.

The two worst people to be in line behind (at least here in Canada) are old men choosing lottery tickets, and old women choosing cigarettes. Neither of these respective parties ever have the slightest fucking clue what they actually want or even prefer. Never mind that they've performed the exact same ritual every day for the better part of five decades. It's as though every instance is a pivotal point in their lives, and it mustn't be rushed.

Wow, dude. I haven't thought about Dickbutt in ages.

Never been a big fan of Oprah, or anyone who bases their entire career around "Look how generous and righteous I am", while earning huge profits for doing it. It will never not rub me the wrong way.

These people may inject some good into the world for a few people, but building your fame and fortune around it is a bit morally fucked.

I'm not convinced there is going to be that big of a upheaval. I feel like I'm seeing a similar pattern in reddit users as we have in Twitter users. Everyone's in an uproar over how bad it's getting and claims they're going to leave, but it seems as though most are still using reddit every single day regardless, going "Yeah, any minute. I'll show you. You'll see. Just wait until July. Yeah, that's when I'll do it. I'll fuckin' do it. Try me.", all the whole continuing to support the machine.

A lot of us have already cut ties and made the fediverse our new home, but for the masses it seems like it's just going to be business as usual, albeit somewhat begrudgingly from those who were scorned by the API changes.

I do hope I'm wrong.

As a father I always love a good dumb-fuck who has had little to no exposure to what toddlers are actually like.