I find Linux to be MUCH easier to use. Granted, this is unusual, especially for an i3wm user, but hear me out: Although Linux has a very steep learning curve and using it seems very hard at first, this difficulty is short-lived. Getting anywhere is significantly faster and requires fewer steps, and the "simplicity" of windows quickly turns into complexity when you actually want to multitask and keep having to resize and click through dozens of windows.

Of course, I also really like the freedom of actually owning my system, and that of tinkering with all the software on it when I am annoyed at something not being how I'd like. Privacy is a nice bonus, but honestly the lesser concern since I already have none anyway by owning a phone and being too lazy to degoogle it.

Dysphoria is not what makes someone transgender!

Yeah I know. I've already cut off ties with that friend mostly.

::: spoiler CW: rest of this message is infused with my brain worms around passing

Many transfem people do not pass. [...] You don’t owe it to anyone to look a certain way before you can be yourself.

I'd actually rather live with dysphoria forever and simply be dissociated and self-hating the whole time. Not because I don't think I'd be a "real woman", but because if I can't for the most part look like a cis woman, I'm STILL going to have the dysphoria, but then I'm also going to have to deal with people telling me I'm an abomination - it'd only make things worse because it would just add to the existing pain.

Then again there is basically no way for HRT to make me look worse, and I already look so fem that if I was actually trying I could probably already pass. :::

The thing is, thinking that way actually impedes your ability to pass. Passing is not a product of any individual thing but many things, and how people perceive and respond to you depends on lots of factors many of them do not do with physiological gender signifiers. I spent years denying myself everything I ever wanted. I wore loose baggy clothes, I didn’t try with my skincare or haircare, I would obsess about the way people perceived me and tear myself apart in the mirror over every little detail. I was making myself miserable, and holding myself back and being so obviously insecure about these things actually made me less likely to pass. Fully embracing my style and showcasing my curves and my skin has made a massive difference in the likelihood of me passing. I rarely do not pass anymore.

look at you literally describing me!

It’s okay if you can’t today, or if you still want to wait.

is it? i feel two conflicting things:

• if i start now i have a higher chance of being happy
• if i wait i will be more secure and sure that this is right and have a higher chance of being happy