I look at you and see a person. A person who doesn't deserve the critical words that you're writing about yourself. I don't feel comfortable as a cis man coming into this space and telling someone whether they pass so I won't (that doesn't mean I don't think you do!). But the only person who defines who you are is you.
Are you transitioning so that the republicans might be right about something? Therapy, medications, all sorts of thoughts and emotions, changing your body... I didn't think so. Anyone who assumes as much by simply looking at you isn't worth my time, and I hope they're not worth yours either.
Remember, everyone only has so much control over their own appearance, it only represents what's inside as much as it will let us. The rest has to be made up for by acceptance. You're so not alone there.
Look around at these comments... You have people from all over the internet telling you directly or indirectly the same thing. Be who you are. For yourself. Or you'll never be happy.
Holy fuck 200k workers!? I'm not familiar with lemmy internals but I've literally never seen any program run anything close to well at levels that high. Want some help from someone who is a DevOps engineer by day? I think I remember you said you were a psql dba professionally so maybe my experience could help out?