I don't think there were any bad intentions on OP's end, but the highlighted claim that a person is female and therefore has this or that genitalia is indeed transphobic.

Someone's probably going to show up and say "but it says 'female', not 'woman'!" Well, "female" as an adjective referring to people already means woman. A female doctor is a doctor who is a woman. And "female" as a noun (e.g., "the females") is a terrible way to refer to people, to begin with.

People who own guns are at a much higher risk of suicide. Guns might make you feel safe, but in reality the most likely person to die from your gun is yourself.

Alright, listen.

I understand you're considering starting HRT, and that's a big decision, so it's only natural you have fears and doubts. It's also natural to seek advice and confirmation from people who have already been through this process.

You ask what it was like when we decided to do it. I believe you want to know what it feels like -- what is the feeling we had when we were certain, when we knew for sure that this is what we wanted. Well, allow me tell you.

That feeling doesn't exist.

I also had doubts when I started. But I started anyway, because, given what I knew at the time, I believed it was the right choice. Now I can tell you that starting HRT is the best thing I've ever done -- but this is something I can only tell you in hindsight.

Your post is very similar to several ones I have seen from questioning people asking what it feels like to know you're trans, or what was the moment when you figured it out. They seem to believe they can't act on their feelings until they're 100% sure. They seem to believe there is a magic moment when all doubts disappear. Well, there isn't.

Mind you, I'm not telling you to start right away either -- it's perfectly fine to take your time and think it through. Hell, I'm not even telling you to start at all. You're the only one who can tell if this is right for you. It's a frustrating answer, I know, but it's the only honest one I can give you.

I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but I'm honestly tired of seeing trans people riddled with imposter syndrome, second-guessing every step they take, and holding themselves to an unrealistic standard of being absolutely certain of everything. You will always have doubts. Don't let them paralyze you.

This is the last poem I wanted to share here.

I'd like to thank you all for reading, and I sincerely appreciate all of your kind comments. I'm glad to know my poems resonated with so many people -- that's why I wanted to share them here, in the first place.

The only thing I still have to share is a short novel I wrote, that I mentioned in an earlier comment, but it's still being reviewed. Who knows how long it will take. And of course, I know I'll keep writing -- but inspiration is fickle and hard to come by. I may come back with something else in the future.

Thanks again!

I remember you shared the letter here. I'm glad to know her initial reaction was good. Things won't always go smoothly between you, but as long as she's trying to understand and support you, it'll be alright. Good luck on your journey!

I wish I could be the chaos activist but my bed is soooo comfy

It's depressing that the original one was changed in the first place -- our existence can't even be acknowledged in a video game without people collectively freaking out... Well, at least they fixed it now.

I did, and he turned me down. We're still good friends to this day though, so it wasn't a bad ending either.

Absolutely. Before starting HRT I felt constantly frustrated about... something. There was some deeply rooted resentment in me and I didn't know what it was about. And yet, people would constantly tell me how I was so "calm". I'm sure that was just me not caring about anything.

Finding out I'm trans did help with some of that, to some extent. But only when I started HRT did these things really vanish. I just feel normal now. Like this is what it should've been from the beginning.

I'll just copy-paste what I said last time:

The idea that gender is entirely socially constructed is easily the greatest misconception about gender that gets repeated time and again – almost always by cis people, who never think too much about it because they’ve never had to reconsider their own gender.

Gender roles and gender stereotypes really are socially constructed, like the idea that some clothes are feminine and others are masculine, just to name one example. Gender identity, however, is not. If that was true, like the previous commenter was saying, conversion therapy for trans people would work, when it’s been shown it absolutely doesn’t. Gender dysphoria isn’t a social construct either. Many trans people see their own lives improve considerably after taking HRT (hormone therapy) and having gender-affirming surgeries – how can that be explained socially? Also, we know there is a genetic component to being trans as well, because of twin studies. All of which shows there really is a biological component to gender – just not in the “gender = genitals” way that transphobes think.

Also, the fact that I went "I wonder what would happen if I were a girl" instead of "I wonder what would happen if he wasn't straight" is quite telling

For the last time, girls don't do this stuff for attention. People keep saying that because they don't take sapphic relationships seriously.

This is pretty good. I do have a few suggestions, but of course, these are only suggestions -- it's your letter, and your mom, after all.

First, I understand that you kept the masculine form of words because you don't want to overwhelm your mom, right? I definitely understand that, but I think it sends a dubious message as well. You're saying you're trans, but you're still referring to yourself with male terms. That could certainly backfire -- at worst, your mom could infer that deep down, you don't really see yourself as a woman after all. Have you considered switching halfway from masculine to feminine words instead? For example, from the "I'm pretty sure I'm transgender" point onward. That really drives the point home of "you've known me as a man up until now, but from now on I want you to treat me as a woman".

Also, at some point you say "I don't know what you've heard about trans people" which leads me to think she might have some misconceptions and prejudice. Many people associate being trans with "moral degradation", so at worst, she might think of your coming out as a sign that you're going to start using drugs and whatnot... It might be a good idea to emphasize that you're still the same person as always, only your gender isn't what they thought.

Having said all that, I hope it goes well for you.

I wasn't expecting to get a poem back! And it's a really good one too. Thank you <3

Actually, I've written this many years ago. This is pretty good advice though.

Thank you. When I wrote this poem, I did it out of frustration because everyone was asking me to be something I wasn't. Much like you, I was still figuring things out. Nowadays I have a much clearer view -- not only of who I am, but also of gender as a whole. I absolutely agree with you, gender roles are oppressive and absurd. I believe they should be abolished. Gender identity, on the other hand, is innate to us all, even if most people (i.e. cis people) don't even realize they have one. But cis or trans, AMAB people should be allowed to wear dresses and paint their nails if they want to. Navigating this needlessly cruel and restrictive system is hard to us all.

Anyways, good luck to you, and stay safe.

Thank you! To be honest, I'm a bit surprised that a guy would like this poem, though.

<3

I haven't done electrolysis myself, only laser, but as far as I know, with electrolysis you have to run a needle through each hair individually, while laser can cover a large area at once. I've heard many people do laser first to massively reduce the amount of hair per area, then electrolysis to kill off the few remaining hairs.

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Except neither study is talking about the most the most common form of suicide. They're both reporting higher rates of suicide among gun owners.

Me owning a gun doesn’t increase my likelihood to die

That's literally what both studies are saying. From the first one:

Men who owned handguns were eight times more likely than men who didn’t to die of self-inflicted gunshot wounds. Women who owned handguns were more than 35 times more likely than women who didn't to kill themselves with a gun.

From the second one:

in Wyoming, where 63 percent of households reported owning guns—rates of suicide were higher. The inverse was also true: where gun ownership was less common, suicide rates were also lower.

Also from the second source,

Studies show that most attempters act on impulse, in moments of panic or despair. Once the acute feelings ease, 90 percent do not go on to die by suicide.

This is exactly why I decided to share this here. I've actually written this poem many years ago, and now I can tell you -- and everyone else going through the same thing -- that the wait is not easy, but it doesn't last forever, and (answering my own question at the end) it is absolutely worth it.

That phrase comes from people who are either stuck in the closet, or in denial about their own sexuality. It is just one of the many byproducts of a society that still insists on considering that being straight is the only "normal" way of being.

You've commented on some of the previous ones too, right? Thank you, I really appreciate it.

I can see why this idea would seem appealing to agender people. But that's taking one's personal case and turning it into a statement about gender as a whole. Gender having a biological component isn't at odds with agender or NB people, but claiming gender is socially constructed is indeed problematic, like I said before.

That works too.

?

Oh, I see! Thank you

saying gender is not a construct is a strong/radical statement in the context of theory

To be clear, I'm saying gender identity isn't a social construct (gender roles definitely are). And that's hardly a radical statement given that there is a genetic factor to being trans, as evidenced by e.g. twin studies like this one which found a much higher amount of cases where both twins are trans among identical twins (who have the same genetic code) than non-identical twins. Also, like I mentioned before, a lot of trans people feel considerable relief to their own gender dysphoria upon seeking hormone therapy and gender-affirming surgeries, which is quite hard to explain on a social basis.

tysm <3

The rationale that many people follow is that if gender is socially constructed, it can be socially changed as well (through conversion therapy) to make your kid align with their assigned gender at birth, which doesn't work in reality.

Who cares about poetry.
/s obviously

Thanks a lot! Yes, a lot of what I've written about were things I've personally been through, or experiences I've heard from other trans people. I've also wanted to have several trans women in the book precisely so I could cover a lot of different stories. Also, the mares thing was inspired by conjugated estrogens that people used as HRT in the past.

As for the ending, it's supposed to catch you off-guard, so I'm glad I managed to pull that off lol. You spend most of the book not knowing much about Julia, up until the very end, and then it becomes clear why she acted the way she did throughout the whole book.

Thank you!

I really appreciate your comment. I know the beginning of this process is scary and sometimes overwhelming, but you've already taken the first step. Good luck on your journey!