marshadow

So companies will stop lying in the sizing charts, right? Right?

If the sizing chart says size M fits a 28” waist and the size M is actually 32” in the waist, their lying ass should pay the return shipping.

I would willingly get into a windowless white van if you told me there was aged Gouda inside.

I still don’t like vertical videos. My natural field of view is landscape and portrait feels crowded and stressful. Also vertical videos have to be watched 2-3 times to see everything, because the person filming has to pan the camera so much, and they usually move too quickly. It’s like everyone forgot that a phone can be rotated.

IIRC, the LGBTQ rights gains of the 2010s were accompanied by the message that it’s not a choice.

Too many people still believe that health and ability are markers of virtue. These people believe that a sick or disabled person must be undersleeping, forgetting their vitamins, being lazy, skipping church, eating junk food, or even thinking negative thoughts. It’s a big lie people tell themselves to feel safe. “I do everything right, so nothing bad can happen to me.”

It won’t get any better until everyone realizes that it can happen to anyone.

Weird that they didn't have her change into a gown first. Or maybe they did, in which case where did she put-- you know what never mind that's enough internet for today

I enjoy VR gaming and I get motion sickness.

The trick is to slowly acclimate, which takes patience and body awareness. Play for a short amount of time, pause the game when you start to feel slightly warm (or ideally just before that point), and go do something else for 20 minutes or so. With time, the play periods will get longer and the rest breaks will get shorter. Eventually you may stop needing the rest breaks.

A couple caveats: my sample size is 1, a hiatus of more than two weeks means retraining again, and you have to be firm with yourself about stopping on time.

During morning rush hour (a near-standstill occasionally broken by brief periods of 10mph movement), I once saw a woman eating a bowl of soup/oatmeal/whatever while steering with her elbows.

It seemed to be a regional norm to eat breakfast in the car because a 20 mile commute generally took 1.5-3 hours and often moved slower than a walking pace, but that was the only time I'd ever seen someone eating food that required a dish and utensil.

Bus stops on the main road(s), placed so everyone has a stop within a 15-20 minute walk.

Sort of agree with others suggesting getting rid of the neighborhoods in the first place, but sharing walls is hell. When the only way to speak confidentially in your own home is to whisper, it's impossible to wfh or have a telehealth appointment (or, worse, a teletherapy appointment).

I’m an ordinary person with an average level of intelligence, and T&Cs are incomprehensible to me thanks to pretentious language often written in all caps. And it’s not me being unusually stupid

When cats shit outside the box, they’re trying to communicate something. Unfortunately they don’t speak English and sometimes resort to speaking Catshittese.

Are there enough boxes? You should have n+1 litter boxes, where n is the number of cats in the home. Also they should be scooped two or three times a day (before work, after work, and bedtime is a good routine). The litter should be about 3”/8cm deep: they need enough to bury their piss and shit, but too deep feels unsteady beneath their feet.

Is she a really big cat? She might want a bigger box. I once had a big fuckoff tabby who needed jumbo boxes with extra-high sides.

Maybe she’s having digestive pains. Does her shit look normal? If not, put the misplaced turd in a zipper baggy and have your vet check it out.

It could also be an emotional issue, like loneliness or anxiety or dominance, but make sure the litter boxes and digestive health are all in order before deciding that’s what’s up.

I’ve had good and bad experiences with mostly-male and mostly-female groups. I think it has less to do with the actual gender of the group, and more to do with: (a) the manner and extent to which group members are invested in performing their gender, (b1) whether the group embraces deviation from that performance, or (b2) whether one’s own performance of gender is similar enough to the group’s.

I’ve often described myself as “not very good at being a woman.” My weirdness and difficulty with hidden meanings has gotten me shunned by fellow women and usually bullied out of all-female groups, particularly when I was young. But as I discovered a few years ago after adopting a more active lifestyle, I get along fantastically with most women who play sports.

All-male groups were usually not much better. I still had to keep LARPing a persona, it’s just that the “cool girl” persona came easier to me. The main advantage was that mostly-male groups didn’t tend to say one thing while meaning the opposite. (For example, “stay as long as you like” actually means “you should probably go home now” and that is absolutely nonsensical to me.) But all-male groups never accepted me either, so the best case scenario meant being tolerated instead of shunned.

When it comes to work environments, it’s only been women who played the game of psychologically tormenting me until I have a breakdown and quit (although one of those was a woman boss in a mostly-male small office). So mostly-male groups have been somewhat better because I usually don’t have to waste as much brainspace on LARPing the correct persona. I still tended to be treated more as a tagalong or novelty, though, and gender isn’t a guarantee of future behavior (for example, one of my current coworkers is a man who politicks like a woman).

Just say contextually appropriate listening-interjections that validate their feelings. Things like, “WTF?” “Rude!” “How awful,” “Oof that’s stressful,” a disapproving hmmm, etc.

Imagine you’re a dustpan without a bottom: the dust of their venting gets swept in, but falls right back out without sticking to anything. Most importantly, don’t try to fix their feelings. That’s not your job. Your job is to meet them where they are, as they are. (And if, for whatever reason, you can’t, I’ve used the phrasing of, “I’m really sorry, but I can’t be a good audience for that. Do you need suggestions for finding other support?”)

1. Even if I sold my house and moved to a part of town where the bus runs, the bus would still take much longer than driving, resulting in even more wasted time out of my day
2. My job is in this city so I don’t want to move and find a new, probably less secure, job
3. Cities where one can reasonably go carless aren’t viable for me to live in because (a) too expensive, and (b) I’ve gotten too old to fall asleep among the banging and thumping and barking and stomping melody of apartment life
4. I don’t like having strangers coughing and sneezing on me.

The acronym "Laws" is a little too on the nose. I'd ask whether anyone involved in the development of these has seen the documentary film Robocop, but clearly they have and thought it was a great idea.

They have calories (energy) which your body needs for defending itself. So eat all the simple carbs you want, if that’s what you can stomach.

Dexedrine was better for my circulation, but turned me into an emotionless dick. With adderall, I have to pace every 45 minutes but get to keep my humanity. (I did trial Ritalin once, but I slept all day then accidentally brandished a knife at my then-husband while cooking dinner, so my psych told me to never take methylphenidate again.)

Little dogs are mean because shitty humans think “aw he’s so itsy bitsy I don’t have to train or discipline him at all!” Totally ignoring that (a) a dog needs maintenance discipline to be emotionally secure, and (b) aggressive little dogs are unhappy little dogs.

I was also expected to be very quiet and perfectly behaved, and have also struggled with resentment toward rowdy children as a result. Even now, at 39 years old, I sometimes want to retaliate with an Aztec death whistle.

Therapy can be really helpful in learning to deal with that resentment. If possible and reasonable, so can talking about it with your parent(s).

Several years ago I said to my mother, "I'm feeling angry right now because I'm thinking about that loud kid we saw in the store today and remembering how I had to repress myself as a child." Then we had a really productive conversation about the pressure to defy stereotypes about poor parents, being a parent with unrecognized and unsupported neurodivergence, and sensory issues.

I hope you're able to dissolve a significant amount of your resentment, too. In the meantime, there's a kind of reusable earplug that reduces noise just a little bit so you can still have a conversation (can't remember the brand name though).

Sucks. I liked using it to watch seasons of shows instead of signing up for multiple streaming platforms. Off to the high seas, I guess.

It’s not stupidity, it’s the Just World Hypothesis. A classic example is that thing people do when when driving by a car accident. Many people will look at the wreck and say, “They must have been texting.” Or, “They must have been speeding.” People make up fanfiction to reinforce their feelings of safety. The same thing happens with health and ability.

As others said, it depends on situation and local culture. I (American woman) expect to shake hands when meeting someone professionally.

Don't do that weird thing where you gently pinch her fingertips though. Shake hands normally, like you would with a man. (Unless you like to rearrange each others' bones when shaking hands with men, in which case ease up a little.)

DIY wet wipes (reaching over to the sink and dampening some tp while at home, or dampening a paper towel before entering the toilet stall in public)

Unpacking

“Giving a simple answer” can get a person yelled at for “lying by omission.” Or yelled at for “why didn’t you tell me this other detail?!”

Part of me is outside, part is inside, and part is stuck in the wall.

Fair enough, and I didn’t mean to imply that everyone should. It’s totally understandable to decide the juice ain’t worth the squeeze.

Not me, but it’s great for baking (a bit of coffee makes chocolate taste more chocolatey) and making nutrition shakes palatable.

press X to doubt

I can't forage for missing sunglasses that are right in front of my stupid fucking face. My dumbass would be bringing back half a handful of poison berries like "This is all I could find and I have no memory of picking them but they probably didn't come from the poison bush I guess."

I have similar opinions about the "iT's nOt a diSoRdEr iTs mOdErN sOciEtY" thing that's going around lately. Even if we lived in a utopia, I'd still be expected to listen when others speak, cook without burning myself or the food, speak without repeating myself, speak in a way that makes sense to others, keep appointments, read and comprehend instructions, transport myself from place to place without injury or forgetting necessary items....

Just the usual stuff.

Staying over a friend’s house and her granddad kept talking about how he looked forward to sneaking in and tickling my feet in the middle of the night. I faked stomach flu and called my mom to come get me.

Then the normal stuff that happens when a 19-year-old works service jobs:

• The middle aged man who came to visit me and lingered too long all the time.
• The middle aged man who wanted me to hold up a coffee table book so he could photograph it/me.
• The middle aged man who bought a bag of trail mix and, when I asked if he wanted a shopping bag, replied, “No, my dear, I’m going to take out the nuts and put them in my mouth and lick and suckle them until they’re moist and slippery.”

Personally I’ve found that “how do I stop myself from doing a Kirby impression on this junk food?” is the wrong question.

Consider asking instead, “what am I trying to get by devouring it all?” Followed by, “is there a more helpful way to meet that need?”

Me, I like to eat for sensory enjoyment/stimulation. So I use the other senses instead, with things like music or a melting wax tart or a reusable bubble wrap toy.

Have you considered getting evaluated for ADHD? (One of us, one of us!)

Elder Millennial here. I think I just have that "eww pedostache" reaction because, when I was young, such mustache styles were common among middle-aged men who hadn't updated their styles since the '80s. Some of those men were creepy, so the mustache style became associated with creepy old men. And of course, teenaged giggling among ourselves about "eww pedostache!" really cemented the association.

I'm pretty sure our parents had the same initial reaction when we brought aviator glasses back into fashion. We'll get over it, the cycle continues.

A pill organizer, if the original containers are too large (or too numerous) to be practical. I've only flown domestic USA, but security has never bothered me about it.

Totally understandable. When I lived in a small place, I only had room for one box, so I got the biggest thing that would fit and scooped as often as possible.

That reminds me, some cats are picky about litter too, just like some humans will only wipe their ass with certain brands of toilet paper. So it’s good to find a brand they like and stick with it, but I know how hard it is to experiment when there’s only room for one box.

Yeah they’ve announced considering it a few times over the past several years but haven’t followed through until now.

Light cardio exercise like a going for a brisk walk, pacing at home, tidying up, etc. It doesn't have to be enough to sweat, just enough to get the blood pumping faster.

I always have a bowl of full-fat Greek yogurt with a spoonful of almond butter, a sprinkle of cinnamon, some collagen powder, and a little bit of maple syrup. Easy to scarf down in a hurry and keeps me satisfied for a few hours.

It’s pretty common for people with ADHD to be able to play video games for a long time, because games are designed to make the brain pump out dopamine.

Up to you whether to get an assessment, ofc, but time blindness is a really common symptom. Your OP and others’ responses sounded really familiar to me.

Example, I recently had an argument over what a habit is. The other party claimed it’s something you do without thinking about choosing it, like muscle memory. Which I still insist is bullshit because everyone knows a habit is when you feel weird not doing the task, and the urge to avoid the wrong feeling makes you remember the task and outweighs the urge to be lazy. (Apparently this isn’t how it works for normal people?)

I’m mostly remote now, but on my in-office day it’s a 25mi/40km trip. (We bought the house years before I got this job, I don’t have the energy to keep a house showing-ready while working full time, and the houses near work aren’t in great shape.)

The morning commute takes about 40 minutes by car, the evening commute is more like 50-60 minutes. There’s technically bus service available, if I wanted to take 2+ hours each way, but I prefer having time to eat real food and do some exercise and mabye a hobby.

Only once they start to wear out under the big toe, otherwise I can't tell the difference.