I've been though divorce recently and despite being very amicable, it's caused me to reset - some things broke, but being more emotionally open has been one of the good things. I'm still pretty reserved but a few things are different:
- I care a lot less about conforming to "ideals" or how anyone judges me. That means I no longer feel the fear and second guess everything I say.
- When appropriate, I ask people - especially other men - how they're doing and gently push for a genuine answer. No one's reacted negatively to that, so far.
- With my kids, I simply do the opposite to my father. I tell them I love them, I take an interest in them, and I take their feelings seriously. I don't coddle them, but I want them to feel secure and confident in talking to me. They're still young, so we'll see.
- During work 1:1s, I take a genuine interest in people, most will subtly drop hints that they had a bad weekend or are feeling tired or stressed. I used to gloss over that, now I'll ask about it and say I'm happy to listen. A surprising number will go on to share, with the bonus that it builds trust.
- If someone asks how I am, I won't lay it all out for them, but I'll be honest. Most people empathise and tell you they've been through similar. It's never been awkward, and I've found out nearly everyone I know is pretty anxious and is going through difficult stuff.
As an aside, I never watched much porn because I found it so cold and alienating. It's interesting that you found the opposite. Anyway, I'll stop there and wish you well!
Plenty of men can deal with this, and plenty of women can't. It's not helpful to see this as a gender thing, you'll only feel more alienated. You might want to seek out some new social connections?