No crying required, you can use something like NextDNS for DNS level ad blocking on iOS, and there are plenty of Safari extensions to help with this stuff.
I use 1Blocker for ads, Hush to block cookie notices, and Unobstruct to remove persistent overlays as needed. While we're at it, Noir adds dark mode support to every webpage, StopTheMadness prevents websites doing hostile things (such as preventing copy and paste), and PiPifier makes every web video support picture in picture mode.
Universe definitely came along first