Self hosted video chat
If I self host some kind of private video chat service, is the video data transferred direct from connected peer to peer? Does it go through the self hosted service instance? Or does that depend on which video server is used?
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Jitsi Meet can be self-hosted. The data will go through your server, but end-to-end encryption can be used.
Another option is Wirow. Again, data goes through the servers.
I do not think if there are any peer-to-peer video chat applications. If there were, why would there be a need for self-hosting a server?
Jitsi Meet it's usually p2p for calls between two persons. As soon as a third person joins, the meeting gets routed through the server. You can see this by a slight delay happening when person 3 joins. It won't happen again for every additional person joining
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tox_%28protocol%29
Also when you use Jingles on XMPP, usually the voice and video part is P2P. Negociation goes through the federated xmpp servers of the respective users.
The self hosted part would be for discovery.