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sag@lemm.ee to Programmer Humor@programming.dev – 1005 points –
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And it will have whopping 5 apps at launch and 5 more during its lifetime (maybe). You also most likely need a mortgage to buy one.

I don't want to think of what the FaceTime integration would be like...

In 2010 we brought you FaceTime. Today, we are proud to announce FleshTime, the new best way to communicate with your loved ones.

We already have synchronized sex toys

Apple always announces products like they are the only ones, except maybe with the first iphone. "this is the best iPhone yet" not the "best smartphone in the market".

Also they wouldn't call it sex toys, they would call it a whole new revolutionary class of communication devices.