A crushing backlash to Apple’s new iPad ad

What I hate about it is it's a replacement of something better which could exist in the same role of a mobile computer for normies (like Star Wars datapads?), but, well, bigger and more convenient to actually work than a phone role PDA.

I'd want a device with a color e-Ink display (non-touchscreen or at least not requiring using the touchscreen), with repurposeable physical buttons around (small screens showing different pictures depending on what the button must be used for? or maybe Sony-style abstract emblems used differently by different applications), and those should have sufficiently deep travel, one that can survive a 1 meter fall, with a few interfaces normal for laptops (a few USB ports, HDMI, Ethernet, 3.5 jack, microSD would be good), an LTE modem, an SSD or NVME inside, and a good battery.

I'm fine with it being kinda fat. Some rubber parts to protect against falls may mask it for those who think that's against aesthetics.

And it should run Linux.

Guess Apple is not the company to address with such wishes, but the funny part is that in general iPad is kinda in the same niche as what I'm describing. Just much less useful.