Alternate headline:

“Massive shitcunt threatens to destroy the actual best part of the internet to the surprise of absolutely no one”

is what they meant to say

Incidentally, do you guys remember when this fuckhead was a darling of the left?

These are strange times.

Behold the Master Race™️

My smile grew larger with each paragraph.

But I reached near-euphoria with these masterpieces of financial journalism:

The filing also warns shareholders that Trump's involvement in the company could put it at greater risk than other social media companies.

and…

TMTG also disclosed to regulators that the company had identified "material weaknesses in its internal control over financial reporting" when it prepared a previous financial statement for the first three quarters of 2023.

😁

Ive responded elsewhere in this thread, and think we are otherwise aligned against this cunt, so maybe, just maybe this is a good time to give Wikipedia one of your hard earned dollars? One dollar.

https://donate.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ways_to_Give

And a special cheers to Reuters photog Jonathan Ernst who captured all of the frustration, regret, and failure of the moment in one sour expression: a sweet, sweet nectar!

Pulitzer material right there.

If douchebaggery were a harnessable fissile energy source, these two shitcunts in close proximity could power North America for a thousand generations.

“Lie down with racist leopards, get your face eaten.” -Michael Scott, probably

Has there ever been an era when there has not been cocaine in the West Wing?

Ike? Truman?

Keep the faith my friend. These guys could screw up a wet dream.

My man looks like he could target some Cool Ranch Doritos with some onion dip.

Don’t know about you guys, but I really prefer my House Republicans rankled.

Disconcerted is nice too.

Bilious works as well.

Not too picky.

What if, and bear with me here, you were pleasant? Just imagine.

Jokes! We got ‘em!

Agreed. Suitable for framing.

I barely recognized him with his mouth closed and his jacket on.

More deliciousness here

I’ll take your comment at face value and explain that a nocturnal emission benefits the participant the most, takes zero effort, and is pleasurable, yet these guys could somehow manage to foul up even so simple a task.

Holy shitsnacks! You are unfortunately correct. I was not bludgeoned by the purple sledgehammer the first visit.

Here, try this alternative, now with less retina syphilis (they still ask for email tho) :

https://qz.com/2185771/find-the-closest-unionized-starbucks-to-you-with-this-map

See, it’s just this very type of strangely believable deep-dive, semi-spectrumy response that gives me a sense of cautious optimism regarding this new forum that we have here (apologies to the true pioneers).

I am both chagrined and encouraged by this thorough, inadvertently solicited response.

God bless you, friend.

Marge?

Dunno, I was actually leaning more towards the “indefensible, blatantly criminal fabrication of ‘facts’ of the sort that crumble under even the most casual gaze” kind of material weakness.

Just sent this to my daughter, she said she feels bad for his kids. I told her I feel worse after learning that he named them Sam and Ella.

More of this kind of rhetoric please. Call these dorks out at every opportunity.

Higher road, schmier-road.

You wouldn’t know her, she lives in Canada

Google-fu powers, activate!

https://perfectunion.us/map-where-are-starbucks-workers-unionizing/

So you’re saying that California as the state with the largest economy in the Union as well as the PLANET’S fifth largest economy should go ahead and leave our system to the benefit neither of themselves nor anyone else? That’s a bold yet indefensible and ultimately idiotic statement.

We are all now dumber as a result of your comment. Please do not procreate.

Thank you.

Ol’ Sourpuss looks like he lost his job at the urinalysis lab for sampling the wares

Wondering if your vocal control will outlast your other fine motor skills, and therefore have you considered just recording your yourself monologuing anecdotes, impressions, commentary, what have you? I’m reminded of folks’ oft-time lament that they did not record their loved one’s voices in an every day setting and being unable to recall exactly how they sounded after they are gone.

You gotta wade through a lot of bullshit on social media generally, even here in the fediverse which I’m sure we consider to be a cut above. But every once in a while, you strike gold in a post like this. This place is a better place and I am richer for you having posted. I wish you the best of luck here and in the beyond.

ILOVEANAL has a certain catchy thrust to it, yes.

Gerrymandering and other cheating tactics do not work in the face of overwhelming majorities.

So vote. And hound your friends to vote.

And consider writing letters to motivate strangers to vote as well.

Heyyyo!

His suffering is like a poultice to my bruised psyche.

A sophisticated and formidable legal mind in a pleasant, debonaire package. Truly his cup overfloweth.

How did Missouri get so lucky?

Meh- I’d say mediocre villain with delusions of grandeur at best. Really just one of a bunch of shitty off-brand Hall-of-Fascists barely-adequate-and-overcompensating villains.

Who?

Extra credit for feckless

Outstanding response

Mediocremind

Just a couple of crazy cut-ups!

Whelp, I was leaning towards Whisky Dick as my new band name, but now I’m vacillating…

Looking forward to my next traffic stop so I can mention that crossing guards have a more dangerous job than cops 🫡

Can't decide if Crimean Combat Seagulls or Kremlin Snuffbox should be the name of the screenplay (or my new band name)

Here’s the text because popsci.com causes eyeball cancer:

Scientists accidentally capture metals ‘healing’ themselves

Andrew Paul

Published Jul 24, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

Metals aren’t known to “heal” themselves on their own; once they break, it’s assumed the materials remain broken unless outside forces reform them. But new research into metallic properties indicates this isn’t always the case. In fact, some metals appear to naturally mend of their own accord—a discovery that could one day change engineering designs here on Earth and beyond.

According to a study published last week in Nature, materials scientists from Sandia National Laboratories in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and Texas A&M University discovered at least some metals—in this case copper and platinum—can “undergo intrinsic self-healing.” As Live Science recently noted, the team’s observations came completely by accident while observing the two materials at a nanoscale level.

The discovery occurred while testing the stress resiliency properties of extremely tiny samples of platinum and copper. To do this, the team subjected the metals to rapid, miniscule prodding via a transmission electron microscope at a rate of 200 taps per second. Although the device only applied pressure akin to that of a mosquito’s legs walking, the metals still developed small cracks over time.

Such issues occur everyday in the real world. “From solder joints in our electronic devices to our vehicle’s engines to the bridges that we drive over, these structures often fail unpredictably due to cyclic loading that leads to crack initiation and eventual fracture,” Brad Boyce, a materials scientist at Sandia National Labs, said in a recent press release. “When they do fail, we have to contend with replacement costs, lost time and, in some cases, even injuries or loss of life.”

Within 40 minutes of the team’s testing, however, both the platinum and copper samples healed as if the fissures were never even there.

“Cracks in metals were only ever expected to get bigger, not smaller. Even some of the basic equations we use to describe crack growth preclude the possibility of such healing processes,” Boyce in the press release.

While a surprise for many of the researchers, the healing abilities actually confirmed a decade-old theory first put forth by Michael Demkowicz, a materials sciences and engineering professor then at MIT. In 2013, Demkowicz attempted to correct conventional materials theory via computer simulations showing that, under certain conditions, metal hypothetically could mend stress-induced cracks. The key to such a startling ability comes via what’s known as “cold welding,” in which the flanks of two cracks are pressed into one another under very certain conditions.

Much still remains to be explored and tested, but such implications could be far-reaching, altering how engineers design and build everything from buildings on Earth to space faring vehicles. The recent experiments were conducted in a vacuum, but the team hopes to learn if metal cold welding could occur in normal atmospheric conditions. If nothing else, Demkowicz thinks the discovery is an excellent reminder that, “under the right circumstances, materials can do things we never expected.”