Oh hello, are you me?

I've been watching Elena Darlingg recently, and got a bad case of "wow, she's amazing. I'm never going to be as much of a woman as her. I'm not really trans anyway..." etc etc.

Mostly I just recognize this as an unhelpful thought pattern and go do something else for a while (and cuddle Blåhaj). Objectively, I know that these are thoughts that cis women have; it's just imposter syndrome; I should be comparing progress against my past self and so on, but that really doesn't help much when I'm feeling jealous.

Sometimes I do get euphoria though, and while I can't call it up on demand, I do try to remember those times and that I'm doing this to feel good!

Starting HRT made a big difference: I'm in the pipeline now and just sitting around is still working towards my goal. I hope your therapist will get you sorted soon.

<3

Taking it now! Feminize while you sleep <3

(Sorry to confuse you: "in the pipeline" does usually mean "coming soon")

Same! I know there must be some kind of selection bias, but it's encouraging.

Given that I currently look like a recently-shaved walrus in a dress, if I'm not supermodel-grade this time next year, who do I speak to about a refund?

I decided to not worry about labels and instead figure out what I want. Who cares whether I'm Really Trans™ if I get to have a feminine body -- and that's something (if I'm honest) I've wanted so much since... well, as long as I can remember. Do I feel like a woman? Eh, who knows. I certainly never felt much like a man. Or a human, come to that.

And sure, some days I don't want to look at my dysphoria-inducing face practicing makeup, or listen to my dysphoria-inducing voice doing training, and that's fine. Put on some androgynous clothes, cuddle up with Blåhaj and Trust the Process while I watch a film or something. More often than not I end up wanting to do something girly anyway after a while.

And some days, when I get the tuck just right, and my hair isn't too bad, and I've got on some nice tight jeans and a cute sweater, I think: "do I want to be a trans woman?". And the answer is hell, yeah.

 🥺
👉👈

Howdy ma'am!

Congratulations, and best of luck for the future!

Aww, that's so sweet! What a kind gesture. The outfits look super natural, and I bet they feel great! Love the hair, too.

Woah, that's a lot of info! Thank you!

I know! This could be a really good bonding experience.

Hiya〜♪

🤣 Damn it, I thought I hadn't posted any photos online...

You just blew my mind. I mean, I realize it must take a lot of knowledge and practice to get a good result, but...

Wow, if I could get whatever design in exactly my size...

Disaster incoming...

Seconded. I had a great time at university, but geez do I wish I'd come out then rather than waiting till now. That's just present-day me talking of course; please don't take it as pressure to do something you're not ready for.

OP, you have all the time in the world. You're not going to miss out on anything, so stay safe, OK?

No, you're right - a large part of my recent panic has been "what if this destroys my family", and I know that's still on the cards. I thought about how I'd have reacted in the past if she'd come out as a trans man (probably very badly, although I'd be fine with it now), but eh, we've had our crises in the past (more than a few caused by my unhappiness) and pulled through. Que sera sera, and I'm cool with that.

Nowhere near as fast as you, but things I've noticed so far (from my notes):

• Day 5: reduced BO (why is this never on the charts?), reduced spontaneous erections, libido gone
• Day 10: swollen nipples
• Day 18: definite buds
• Day 24: semi-clear, low volume emission

I had quite pronounced man-boobs already, so it's hard to tell about breast growth, but I've been losing significant amounts of fat everywhere else and I think they might be a bit more prominent than they were.

Not really noticed stronger emotions or anything like that yet, although I am quite a bit calmer / happier. That could just be because I'm facing the right direction now though!

I've wondered about Klinefelter too (didn't have much of a beard until well into my 30s, for example) - will find out next month when I get my test results back.

You look so good, I'm jealous!

Thank you so much for posting the progress pictures. I'm facing losing a similar amount of weight as part of getting to where I want to be, and you give me hope.

Congratulations, and best wishes for a speedy recovery!

I'm curious what preparations were necessary (hair removal, stopping hormones etc), if any, and how long they took?

Thank you for sharing <3

Good advice.

Painting my nails was the first remotely fem-presenting thing I did (other than shaving!). Very few people even noticed. One of the people I work with, after I came out, said I just looked a bit more stylish than usual. The biggest response I got was paying at my local where the owner knows me well -- "oh, you've painted your nails" / "yup". And that was it.

Having said that, I don't have nearly enough courage to go to a salon or anything yet! Let us know how it goes!

I'm wondering if that's going to change once I get on E. It's possible I just have (literally) thick skin.

The label's in Chinese, but the internet tells me it's 60% Rayon. (I got it as part of my shotgun "buy everything cheap and girly on Amazon" experiment)

Now that you mention it, the collar might be why I don't feel too stupid wearing it. I'm used to seeing my face sitting above a collar, but the whole thing is obviously feminine which keeps the dysphoria at bay.

Hello! Totally get it about the body hair. Up until recently I was very anti-hair removal (anything cosmetic really), but now I realize that was just jealousy :P In the before times, I'd shave my pits every so often, but I didn't really know why and felt shameful. This week I've been taking long showers with a razor, and it's fabulous!

Since I'm new here perhaps I should share my story (I'll save the "so obvious in hindsight" episodes for another time).

T minus two years: Follow a link to Contrapoints for analysis on the alt-right, end up watching pretty much everything. Huh, gender philosophy is quite interesting.

T minus one year: one of Azul Crescent's comics pops up in the global Mastodon feed. It's cute so I start following. Wait, is this a trans comic? Probably shouldn't be reading this, but ...

T minus two weeks: strangely fascinated with the daily posts. Huh, so this is what trans women are like? Must be nice to grow boobs (SUPPRESS THOUGHT). Still don't really get the comic though, perhaps I'd better read it from the beginning.

T minus one week: aww, that's so sweet, wish I was like Cheryl (SUPPRESS HARDER). Oh, hey, she has a youtube channel talking about trans stuff. What's egg_irl?

Google.

Scroll.

Oh. Oh no. Oh noooooooo.

Today: egg fully cracked.

Hooray! Good luck!

Thank you! I guess I can't avoid the hairdresser for ever - I've been dreading the "yes, I actually do want it to look girly" conversation.

Looks like the CG method and moving off my current "don't care" brand shampoo is a good place to start. Here's to some experimentation :3

Looks good to me! I think I'm going to try for the first time this weekend, and if the results are even half as good as yours I'll be sooo happy :3

Cool, Shea Moisture seems to be available where I am - I'll check it out!

Happy birthday! Let each year be better than the last!

Just as you say - if I concentrate I can (sometimes) get a really good bright sound, but maintaining it is going to take a lot of practice so I can do it without thinking. I like the idea of a "reset" word; I'm going to try that going forward.

And an awful lot of eggs, I bet. "Well, if you insist"

Thanks for the kind words. To be fair I framed it more as "I'm thinking about trying this out" rather than "I'm gonna be a girl now", but here's hoping she comes around.

I guess I've been having thoughts of "if I was a girl..." or "if I was trans..." for as long as I can remember. Definitely had a few times of "please let me wake up as a girl tomorrow" when I was 12/13 or so, but I got quite good a suppressing that. The "if..." thoughts were fine, of course, since I clearly wasn't trans or a girl...

Fast forward to about six weeks before my 40th birthday; following quite a few trans women online and starting to question my gender. But since I'm perfectly happy being cis, that's fine, no problem. I'll be an Ally.

Two weeks or so pass, start looking at egg_irl. A day or two later, everything comes crashing down and it's panic time. That lasts a few days and now I know: I'm a trans girl, and I want to transition. Came out to my family, started growing my hair, painting my nails, buying neutral-to-fem clothes etc. Stopped wearing obviously masc-coded stuff pretty much right away (even when going out). Made appointments for laser and HRT consultation.

About six weeks later, research indicates the doctor is probably going to make me wait 6 months to a year for HRT, so I order DIY. That arrives two weeks later (yesterday), and here we are.

Not using new pronouns or name yet, but I feel that might happen fairly soon.

Yeah, I can control resonance but if I don't concentrate the finer points (tongue, lips, sharpness etc) tend to drift back to my old voice.

A practice space sounds fun!

Yeah, not talking too much is often a good plan if you want to keep things simple :)

Plus, stuff like nail art of course isn't exclusively feminine. If I go out with (very) light makeup, in women's jeans and painted nails, internally I'll be overflowing with girl stuff euphoria, but to everyone else I'm just some dude. Since my body shape, face and hair aren't remotely feminine (yet!), there's not really much to code "woman". I think I'd have to wear a dress and full-on eyeliner for anyone to notice.

Sempai, that's awesome!

Thank you (^-^)

Fingers crossed! Let's show that beard the door 👉

There sure are! TransVoiceLessons is pretty well known.

Looking at a chart I guess maybe ash blonde? It started almost white when I was very young (and bits of it are heading that way again). Facial hair is a bit more of a dark reddish-brown.

If I end up prepping for SRS, I think that's going to have to be electrolysis (TMI? sorry)

There's an important difference between recognizing that things are better / easier now, and ridiculing people who transitioned in a less supportive environment, particularly for their appearance. The latter would seem like a pretty bad attitude to me; perhaps your comments come across with a nuance that you didn't intend?

Hopefully future generations will be more understanding and look at us with sympathy and compassion rather than mockery.