Men show emotions all the time. The problem is that the only “acceptable” emotion is anger or resentment. People of any gender validate other peoples feelings based on their own experiences. Because women’s emotions are invalidated as weak or useless, women tend to be more sympathetic to others who experience that same invalidation.

This is good. I’m going to try this.

Someone has adhd. This is the exact amount if insanity I would participate in.

Don’t give me hope that cnn is going to get some of their integrity back.

Have you ever heard the phrase “salt the earth”? That’s the fastest way to kill everything in the soil and make sure nothing grows for a very very long time.

Trust me, our minds are equally blown by how your brain works. Like, what ? It’s automatic ? How does that even work? For me, automatic is things like clenching my teeth or flinching at a certain type of sound, but I wouldn’t call that a habit. For me, a habit is something I can’t stop the impulse for, like smoking. All daily practical functions are intentional or not at all. Even “routines” are just forcing yourself through the checklist, it’s never automatic. You’re like fucking robots I swear.

They’re lawyered to hell. And they’re aggressive. For fuck sakes they even raided an fbi office and stole all the evidence and no one did a damned thing about it. They have enough money to be able to operate above the law, and certainly above any separation of church and state. Our laws operate on a level that allows them to litigate themselves out of messes, regardless of guilt or innocence, because they have the money to afford people to exploit loopholes, not because they aren’t guilty.

I’m in Ontario. I’ve never heard the term “thuggy Mennonite” but it’s fucking perfect.

I’m proud to be a Canadian today. This guy is a legend. Too bad he’s about to go through a bureaucratic nightmare.

I wasn’t before but you’ve inspired me. I’m easily influenced.

This is a good point. I try to set boundaries and unfortunately he’s committed to the “big reveal”. I know he’s one of those people who likes to “share” life. If he sees something fascinating, he wants me to experience the same fascination so it’s like a surprise. If it’s bad he wants me to feel the same horror he felt when he saw it. Warning me would negate the reveal. We have talked about it frequently and he doesn’t know why he does it, he understands how it could be stressful for me, but can’t seem to break his pattern.

I’ve given this some thought, because I do seem to get satisfaction out of completing tasks, but no motivation to start them in order to get the finishing satisfaction. Or giving up half way through a task when I’ve lost interest. On the other hand, avoidance leads to adrenaline, and that gets me moving. I think that’s where the neuro compensation lies. Not the lack of satisfaction that the task is complete (although mostly I just feel relief not satisfaction), it’s the adrenaline replacing the dopamine.

Money. They like money. Everyone can use money. I have a nephew who is 29 years old - he came into the family at 13 and so wasn’t really part of the whole gift/celebration thing and didn’t visit with our family much. But he was still a kid and I wanted him to feel like someone was thinking about him on holidays. Now he’s got a wife and a baby and he’s a full ass adult and I don’t care. I still give him $50 on his birthday and Xmas. Because I still love him. Maybe he uses it to gas up his car. Maybe he uses it for diapers. Maybe he buys himself something with it - doesn’t matter. My nieces and nephews always get a present from me no matter their age, but after 13, everyone likes money.

I see where you’re going with this. But no. My partner is a musician. It’s a habit for him. He needs it. He plays religiously. Me though ? One day I might decide I absolutely have to learn the guitar right now, then I’d force myself through enough practice to be passable, then put the guitar down and never touch it again. Or even more likely, I’d rush out, spend $5k on gear, bring it home, set it up and by then I’ll have lost interest completely, so I’d tell myself I’ll actually play tomorrow. And then never touch that stuff again. I tell people I’m an oversharer (also an adhd thing) because there’s no room for skeletons in my closet. It’s already full of all my forgotten hobbies.

Wtf is a cocktail pod?

I do not poop at parties. Ever. I am completely traumatized by a house party I went to when I was 18 or 19 where I used the bathroom after someone had dropped a massive deuce and not flushed. So of course I flushed before I went - and the toilet overflowed and I had to run out and find my friends parents in a sea of about a hundred people and tell them what happened.

You know damned well everyone thought I had done it.

Never got to poop. Never tried to poop at a party again. I’m 45. I’ll hold it until I die before I go through that again.

I had to work on this issue. I used to massively overcook. My house was always the place people just showed up. I had two kids, friends, family, so I was constantly ready to feed an army. Now one is out of the house, the other isn’t home most of the time and husband works evenings. We don’t have company like we used to before Covid, so unannounced guests happen rarely.

I have to be conscious at all times about what I’m cooking. First I had to admit that my perception of how much food I needed was just wrong and could not be trusted. I started using recipes - even for things I know how to make- purely to reference serving sizes. And when all else failed, however much I felt I needed to make, I’d just make half of that

It took some practice but now I make reasonable sized meals and have few leftovers.

This is also part of the annoyance. He has no problem with interrupting me for whatever he thinks is interesting. I do sometimes feel like he treats me like the entertainment a bit. When he gets a new game, he doesn’t necessarily even want to play it himself first, he wants ME to play it and he gets to watch while I struggle and learn all the shit. I work a very intellectually demanding job and most times the last thing I want to do at 10pm on a Tuesday is learn a whole new thing. If I’m out and he wonders when I’ll be home, or if what I’m doing, or even has a thought he will call me. I’ve explained to him a thousand times that he doesn’t need to know where I am every second of every day, not because he thinks I’m doing anything, but because he just wonders and that curiosity must immediately be satisfied. It’s so stressful to be out with your fucking mom and he calls five minutes after you leave the house and then 10 more times over the next two hours just wondering when you’ll be home. Like, he can’t even wonder. He has to call me so I can give him an answer. It’s exhausting. My mother says it’s a control thing but I don’t think so. I think it’s an urge being satisfied thing.

Please listen to me - stomach distension should ALWAYS be checked by a medical professional. One of my kids had slightly distended stomach which we attributed to a big rib cage and still needing to grow into his bigger frame.

It was a mature teratoma weighing over 20lbs

He had a physical with no issues just three days before we visited the ER for stomach pain. ER found it immediately when they noted the stomach distension during his exam and did scans to find out why.

Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s gas. But also maybe you devoured your twin in the womb and he’s back for revenge.

Please see a doctor and ask for an ultrasound at the very least.

Two ingredients must be present for something to be a salad - a vegetable and a dressing. I make all sorts of salads. Some have lettuce, some don’t. I make salad with just fennel and an oil/vinegar dressing. I make salad with tomatoes & cucumbers with a dressing. What she ate was 100% a salad. This is a weird fight.

I got into a convo with a guy from my office about animals - lions and apes specifically. He was super enthusiastic and knew everything, and I was super enthusiastic about discussing all of it. Best convo ever. It took about a half hour before I realized other people were watching us with quite a bit of amusement. Turns out he has autism. I have adhd. No one else found this topic as fascinating as we did.

Whatever man. I learned a lot about lions and apes (which are completely different thank monkeys thank you very much)

I think he’s already ruined democracy and it’s just a slide into despotism at this point.

Scat (musical) - the bee bop beeping boo jibberish people sing in jazz music

Scat (scientific) - animal droppings (poop)

Scat (internet/modern) - people who participate in sex involving poop as part of their kink.

There’s something about playing that lights up their motivation centre. So it’s not so much a routine as it is an impulse that gives them a dopamine boost - like an addiction. It’s not that any of us couldn’t do it with enough focus, but it would be constant intentional action to keep working at it. And a lot of us just don’t have the long term focus for that because goals far in the future are hard to keep focused on, unless you get into hyper focus, where you just become obsessed with achieving something. The trouble is that most of us never achieve that satisfaction that something is “complete”. So when things seem never ending, sometimes we just… give up and move on to something else that seems more interesting now.

I think it bothers me on a couple levels. 1- I feel he keeps me in unnecessary suspense and that’s unpleasant. 2- he participates in a lot of behaviours that are self satisfying. If I’m out he will call and ask what time I’ll be home and a thousand other questions no one else would ever ask, just because he was wondering, and he wanted those wonderings satisfied. It can’t wait until I get home, it must be the second he wonders about it. 3-he thinks I have the answers to all questions, and if I don’t know he expects I’ll be the one to find the answer instead of just googling it like a normal person.

I’m annoyed because it’s constant and habitual and anything that repeats that you find mildly annoying 5x a day for 15 years will inevitably become infuriating instead. Imagine if someone just poked you in the side 5x a day for 15 years. It doesn’t hurt. Doesn’t really affect your day. It’s just annoying and pointless. But after a while you’ll just snap and scream “why the fuck are you poking me ! Stop touching me!”

It’s like that.

I have talked to him. He acknowledges he does it but doesn’t know why. I’ve explained how stressful it is for me, and he says he understands. I’m bitter because it annoys the fuck out of me, not because he’s trying to “share” with me.

Bro. I don’t even need to read anyone else’s answer. You win.

Ontario here. The numbers they report are the “average” but I call bullshit. Reality Average one bedroom apartment $2500, 2 bedroom basement $1800. Utilities extra. Buy a townhouse $700-$1m. Detached $1m+. We are so fucked.

To be able to afford a 1 bedroom apartment one person must make around $80k a year. If you want to purchase a house, we’ll good luck unless your household income is over $200k and even then you’ll be scraping the bottom of the price barrel.

I feel like the general vibe is “have fun, and don’t be a piece of shit”. I’m enjoying my refugee status so far

I guess that’s what I’m here for, context. I feel like I can’t adequately explain why it’s upsetting when I can’t even explain it to myself. It seems like such a small silly thing to object to but it really freaking stresses me out and ticks me off. Sometimes other people’s thoughts help give context to your own.

Are you sure your girlfriend isn’t my husband ? It’s just fucking annoying. Just tell me what you want. Or as he so condescendingly says to me when I’ve decided something isn’t worth discussing (he’s the king of talking things through until I see his point and agree with him) he tells me to “use my words”. The reason I’m not using my words is because it’s not worth the following 4 hour debate about how I should see things his way.

Oh come on that’s not fair. What I’m talking about is not a healthy amount. It’s an excessive amount. Sometimes it feels like I’m a tv set. I’m his entertainment. He even makes me play video games I don’t want to play, so he can watch me play. I love spending time with him but I also value my own personal time. And it’s unfair that I should be spending my personal time doing activities that I’m not particularly enjoying so that he can watch me do it like a tv.

Oh shit yeah. It’s worse than highschool.

Dammit. I win. And not.

You’re a bad bad person. But this might work.

Fuck it. Generally right before I make a large, usually irresponsible decision, I say “fuck it”.

Legend, the princess bride, labrynth. Never ending story. Last unicorn. Lady hawk. Excalibur. Dark crystal.

I would say you probably won’t have as much success just listening to something than you would communicating back, no matter how much you immerse yourself. My spoken French is godawful, but my comprehension is good so I can follow along with tv shows and such, but my communication doesn’t improve much as there is no back and forth.

Utah

We have talked about it a lot. He recognizes it’s a weird behaviour but he can’t break the habit, so the childhood thought tracks. And I also think you’re right about the effort bit. He’s lazy by nature. If something needs doing and he doesn’t know how, he just shrugs and says “I don’t know how”. But when you’re a couple, and something needs to be done, anything shrugged off by #1 becomes the responsibility of #2. Which means instead of him having to learn it, I have to. Just google it dude. Watch a youtube video, like I’m going to when you wash your hands of it. It’s easier for me to learn something new than it is for him to learn something new which is bollocks. The only reason it’s easier is because it’s not his effort. Somehow in his mind learning something new is too hard on his part, but takes zero effort on mine. Like, what?