Needed a new way to blow up my marriage

I realized I needed to text her that I had something I wanted to bring up about myself. Nothing I thought was bad or anything but told her I needed to text her to keep from chickening out.

So when we were able to talk, I broke down into tears and said "I think I might be trans"

And in an effort to save our marriage and family I needed to be 100% honest with her about my feelings and I needed that in return from her. Even if that means she was struggling to cope.

Again, we have been talking about it from when we wake up to when we go to sleep. Recontextualizing our entire relationship (been together for 15+ years and have a 15mo)

I have found it really affirming to hear her bring up some instances and behaviors in the past that now make total sense to her. I haven't felt this close to her in years and she's willing to support me even though the future for us is kind of uncertain.

She told me this morning I was practically glowing and she could see this massive weight lifted off of me. She told me she missed me so much and is glad to have me back.

I can't say that is how your partner will react and it's still not smooth sailing but keeping the communication going is crucial.

Good luck friend! I'm rooting for you and am here if you wanna talk. I'm new to all of this myself, but I hate the feeling of not knowing who I could talk to in my life about these things.

Thank you for this post. I cracked my egg a week ago today and feel like I can't move fast enough but at the same time terrified to move TOO fast for my network of support. Which is a total of 2 people including my therapist, lol

First time someone's called me a girl and I can't stop grinning and blushing. Thank you ❤️

Thank you! I'm fighting with the thoughts of not being pretty enough to do any meaningful changes? But I think a lot of that is coming from what I see in the mirror currently. He feels so lost and hollow and I don't see "me" yet. I don't even know what I look like

Well, hate to be another but you're beautiful and my goals as well. I just cracked 2 weeks ago though so I'm still new to it all. ❤️

Came here to say this. Love this movie and it's unique premise.

This really spoke to me. It makes a lot of sense and helps me better understand these emotions and defenses. Thank you so much :)

I've definitely been seeing just how depressed I was. I generally didn't think there was a way out and wasnt afraid to die. Didn't care if I died. But now I see what's on the other side and realize I can actually be happy but in order to do that I have to change. And change is really hard for me to be comfortable with

I think in your case it really comes down to transcoding the streams. If your player doesn't support a video format, the Plex server will have to transcode it into a format that's viewable. A pi might not be able to handle multiple transcodes at a time.

I personally use a Synology nas for my server and haven't had any issues, but can be expensive.

Girl, I spent time on egg_irl back when I thought i was some sort of open minded cis man. Thinking the memes were hilarious for "some reason"

Even showed some memes to my wife because they're "funny" but I "definitely wasn't trans because of course not!"

It went from idle curiosity - to being "a good ally" by better understanding the trans community - to "oh fuck this is me?"

I remember feeling so sure I wasn't trans and the memes were just quality content 😆

I know hindsight is 20/20, but damn I was blind to sooo many signs through my whole life.

I am so proud of you for taking the step to being able to tell your family! Let alone working on showing them how to love you. We're all the same people we were before - were just now MORE of ourselves that we thought was possible.

I love you for coming out to those around you. I'm not quite ready for that yet. My wife and therapist knows, but no one else so far. Kinda scared of that part. Lol

Thank you for helping me get back to reality. I get so overwhelmed and get ahead of myself when I need to slow down and take things slowly. ❤️

Try writing it down in a letter. You don't even need to give it to the person until you feel more ready. But maybe writing these feelings down and expressing them somewhere will help you gain the courage to tell those that matter. And then it's literally just handing them a letter. You won't have to find the courage to put words together because you already did it in your letter.

At least that helps me when I'm trying to say something difficult - no matter how I think the person will react.

Small steps at a time. It sounds like your sisters will be supportive and they may already have a feeling and are just waiting for you to come to them.

Just know you aren't alone and we are here for you as well ❤ ️

You got this hun, and once it's out there - it's done and no longer something you have to do alone. It can be very daunting but also very relieving.

Same! I have been counting all the times I shut myself down when I was getting a little too comfortable with my true self.

Finger nail polish was fun until a teacher yelled at me for being a distraction.

Shaving my arms and legs was fun until I realized how nice it made me feel.

Watching my mom put on makeup and wanting to try it until she started asking if I was gay. (I mean yes, but not in the way you think mom 😏)

Thank you for normalizing these feelings for me ❤️ I'm also struggling with the concept of gender being a spectrum. Although I feel more feminine than masculine, there are aspects of myself I don't necessarily want to lose. I don't know. I don't even know how far I want to transition. I think I'd be willing to do HRT, but I'm also worried about my intimacy with my wife. I hear it can change libido as well as the functionality of my penis.

I don't know. I hate feeling like I know exactly who I want to be now, but at the same time no idea how far I'm comfortable with going? Not to mention the stress it puts on my marriage and family.

Been having another really rough day today and I don't have support from anyone other than my wife who is currently too overwhelmed to be able to talk about this stuff. Which I understand.

I'm rambling. Sorry, I know you were being nice about reaching out - but I could really use a friend who has been going through this too 😕

Hi Yuna! Thanks for the welcome :) girl, do I relate to the hair stuff. My wife actually recommended I try nair because I have hair everywhere and I feel like a ball of gross. Gonna take the time tonight to shave everything (something I played with around my teenage years but my inner voice said it was "too girly" so I stopped)

I'm looking forward to feeling smooth and soft. It's going to be the first thing I change/explore.

Really happy to hear nobody seemed "offended" by you being your true self. That's gonna be a hard one for me I think. I have some friends who I know would support and understand. But probably not my family and my workplace is very macho (I'm in the finance sector, so think wolf of Wall Street) and I don't think I could ever be brave enough there.

I keep telling my wife and my self that I have just wanted to feel pretty for so long. And now I realize I can feel pretty. It's not too girly because damn it I'm girly!

Damn it, same thing happened to me! Was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 20s after realizing the memes were getting a little too real 😅

Thanks! Yeah, that's what they tell me. With trauma work, a lot of times it gets a lot harder before it gets better. But the frequency and severity of the dreams/nightmares has decreased as I've worked through some of that stuff :)

I'm here for you as you have been for me! We can get through this together ❤️

I'm having a lot of those thoughts too. Both feelings of confidence and love for myself and more depressive thoughts like I'm just too tired to do this? Now I know why I have had chronic depression and anxiety - but also 29 years of that really takes the wind out of your sails sometimes.

Definitely meant as in I had no idea either and you helped me learn something today ☺️

Thank you so much for the support ❤️

That is so fantastic that you are supportive of your sibling and what they are going through. The world needs more people that are loving and supportive!

And thanks! I keep chickening out on shaving, but I'm doing it tonight! I'm really looking forward to feeling more like myself.

No need to be envious, we can be shaving pals 😁 if that feels like something you may enjoy, why not explore it? It's temporary and easy to cover up :) just a thought.

Thank you for the kind words!

Thank you ❤️

It's such a bizarre feeling. Thinking you're seeing yourself in the mirror your entire life and then realizing that the real you is buried.

I see a glimmer of my true self in my eyes now. I already look lighter if that makes sense. More happy. Just by working on my self acceptance.

Dj Roomba as a reference to PnR. And Disco, DJs older brother

29 here. Just realized I was trans so worried I missed out on being able to pass as I transition 😞

No need to apologize ^^ I'm slow at responding too (and also over apologizing so I get it ❤️)

I think I am experiencing that same artificial rift you're talking about. My wife has been the only one to see my true self (while we were teenagers I was a lot more explorative in my gender and then shut it down for a decade) and she told me how those were the parts of my self she loved the most. Now that I can embrace that part of myself again, we've gotten closer than ever!

It's still difficult for both of us for sure, but we talk and stay honest and are trying to take it a step at a time.

I really relate to the self care aspect. I completely let all of that go while trying to force myself into the "man" box I thought I was supposed to be in. Barely showered, only bought clothes for practical reasons, let my hair get shaggy, generally just didn't take any care of myself. Almost like I was punishing myself? Got to the point I was actively hurting myself through addiction and pushing my wife away.

Feel like I did a full 180 and now I love taking care of myself. I love shaving and moisturizing and finding clothes that are cute vs just practical. It's done wonders for my self esteem because now I know why I hated myself so much. I wasn't being my true self ❤️

Definitely going to look into support groups and things along those lines. I really lucked out with my current therapist who is gender affirming and I've been working with her for a couple years now. Funny side note, when I was looking for a therapist a couple years ago for general depression and anxiety help, I picked my current therapist because she specifically said in her profile she was an ally for lgbtq. Not that I knew at the time I was trans, but some part of me knew she was who I needed to work with ❤️

I'd love to stay in touch! But the fediverse is still kinda new to me so not sure what calckey or blahaj is 😅

Thank you for helping me so much and supporting a new chick like me 🐣

Oh honey, I'm right there with you with the sensitive skin. I have so much razor burn everywhere. I definitely didn't do it right. Gonna try nair next time as I've had good results in the past. Well mostly.

One time I did my bikini area. And I mean everything and when it was time to take it off, I realized I missed a few spots so I felt the sensible thing was to just go ahead and put it on again right after... Oh my god the pain was intense on my most sensitive areas. Then had another bright idea to quickly wipe it off and add aloe vera gel to help with the burning sensation. Fell to the ground grasping my bits because it was so terribly painful. 😂 so don't make that mistake.

There's a saying about beauty being painful right? Well. I definitely have the pain part down 😂

I had no idea that there were make up artists like that! I live in rural Indiana (yikes) so not much in the way of gender affirming services around me but I really hope that goes well for you!

If you'd like to talk to a new gal like me about some of these new feelings, I'm here ❤️ just try and focus on small changes that make you happy. Listen to that beautiful woman inside of you and you'll find happiness :)

I look forward to hearing how your hair removal experiment goes :)

That is wonderful! Congrats on your journey as well!

No funny stories that I can think of at the moment. I've only come out to my wife so far - and right now that feels good for me. I'm terrified of any one else's reaction 😬

Although looking back at my life has been a bit comical. Countless red flags that were screaming at me to take a deeper look at myself. Hell, I was subscribed to egg_irl for months before even considering the fact that I found the memes so funny because they were relatable, lol. I just thought our community was hilarious 🤣

Glad I'm not the only one with the weird beard issues. At first it made me doubt my self but I also had a beard for almost 10 years. Now that I'm used to it more I don't think it's too bad. Put me in a bit of an in-between state, but I'm getting more comfortable with the journey ❤️

I guess the pen contouring would help a bit in seeing the surgeon's "vision". Hope you're happy with the results so far!

I hope it goes well for you! Would love an update as you move through your journey ❤️

You got this girl

I'm really late to this post but just recently came out to myself. Interested in ffs but don't really know what it all entails?

How did it go for you and are you happy with the results? What exactly do they do if you don't mind me asking?

I'm so proud of you! Keep chasing that feeling of "pretty" because it will help you find happiness. At least that is what I am learning. ❤️ You have my support and love!

Huh, that's really interesting. I wasn't sure what all they could do. I feel like I have a really square jaw that my beard helped hide. And once I started my acceptance journey, I shaved it off and got really confused because I felt like I looked even more masculine. But I can't handle having a beard anymore so I've been trying to just deal with it. I think I'm getting used to it now that it's been a few weeks and I'm not "moving my face weird" anymore like my wife was saying lol.

Did you get an idea of how you would look after all the surgeries? Like, did they show you an approximation of how you would look?

This is still all new for me, so I know basically nothing at the moment 😅

As someone going through trauma therapy stuff, every dream has some sort of significance to my life.

But it's mostly about how the dreams make me feel vs any type of symbolism. I usually feel overwhelmed, stressed, terrified and like I'm failing my son. Which all matches with what I'm working on in therapy

Thank you for your reply! And I have been feeling exactly this! Days where I'm confident in this decision and ready to do all the girly stuff and days where I'm like "maybe I'm lying?"

But as time moves on and I become more comfortable with the idea, the better I have been feeling. I used to HATE taking care of my self in any sort of way. Now I'm loving getting a smooth shave all over my body, lotioning up and feeling silky smooth. Took me some time to get used to not having a beard, but I feel generally better about my appearance.

Even started wearing my tighter fitting clothing again because all of a sudden I wasn't getting hit with dysphoria attacks. (At the time I thought I was just overly sensitive to how clothing fit, lol)

Anyways. As I embrace my femininity, I feel more confident and lovable if that makes sense? I like feeling cute. I like feeling like this.

Music has always been a huge help for me when it comes to my mental health. I'm always humming or listening to something. Especially if I'm trying to get through a specifically anxious moment. I'd love to know what music has been helping you ❤️

For me, I love listening to Manchester Orchestra, specifically their Black Mile to the Surface album. It speaks to me because it's about becoming a parent for the first time (I have a 15mo) but some of the lyrics speak to the woman inside. Even if it feels like I'm forcing it a bit lol. Literally one song goes "throw the man you used to be away" and I'm like "uh yes hun I will!"

❤️🐣

Definitely going to check out your music as well!

Yeah, I think I used to feel like any type of self care was "too girly" and I think on a subconscious level I was worried it would crack my egg. So I'd let my skin start bleeding from being so dry before reluctantly using lotion. I think I was so disconnected from the man in the mirror 😉 that I didn't have any regard for his well being. Just felt like I was walking around in a meat suit that didn't belong to me.

I am really interested in looking at women's clothing but have no idea where to start. My entire wardrobe has been all practicality and utility. Because anything else felt too constricting or wrong. Didn't know why that was a thing until I cracked lol.

Update on shaving, I finally did it and kinda went all the way. Shaved the usual bits but also my hands, feet, back and butt, lol. I feel so lovely ❤️

I've actually been in therapy for a couple years and plan on telling my therapist tomorrow during our session :)

Glad to hear therapy helped so much! I hope it will also help me come to terms with all the change because it really feels like a lot.

Thank you for all of the support and tips! I hadn't even considered sewing, but that's a really good idea! Definitely going to look into it.

Glad to know there are so many people out there willing to share their acceptance and support for me and women like me ❤️

Also, I have ADHD too so definitely get the same talkative tendencies when my meds kick in 😂

I really relate to this as a newbie. I'm feeling a lot of the same types of regrets about how reckless and self defeating I had been to myself. Before I accepted this, I didn't give two shits about my body. Very active addiction for most of my life to try and "cope with life"

Now I realize why I did what I did. I had no connection to what I saw in the mirror. Body is a temple? Fuck that shit - I've always hated this body.

Now I realize I can change it to what I want it to be and I regret all the wasted years of hating myself without knowing why.