soli

It's a little petty, but I feel stupidest about my hearing. Cranked my music too loud and didn't wear ear protection ever when I was younger. The tinnitus gets so bad sometimes it makes me suicidal.

It has it's roots in actual letter writing, as in "I hope this letter finds you well".

I was a big 'offend everyone' dweeb, with a side serving of "free speech".

I grew up in structure where etiquette and taboo were abused and hated them. Like the chilidish little maximalist I was, I applied that hatred to everything. Slurs were particularly hilarious, I thought people were ridiculous with how they tip toe around them and delighted in their discomfort when I'd just come out and say it. They were just words, why be scared of them?

In my mind, I clearly didn't hold any bigoted views. Particularly with homophobic ones - I'm queer, I've been beaten for it, I've been beaten counter protesting "actual" bigots. I'd ask critics "what have you done?", before calling them a fa-

Well, you get the idea.

At the end, I was also a sort of community figure. An extremely minor one in the grand scheme of things, but I still had attracted a small audience. This included a large number of younger men who were impressionable. The thing is, they attract their own audience too.

I noticed an increasingly amount of what I considered, back then, to be "actual" bigoted stuff being said. Usually from older men trying to sway those younger men. I saw them buzzing around my peers too, encouraging them to say things for them, dropping bait in chats and pulling aside the younger male audience members to try to recruit them, more or less.

I tried a couple of times to call it out, but they'd fall back on "it's just a joke". They'd point to all the bullshit I'd said over the years and the obvious hypocrisy. I'd given up any credibility I had and bred an environment where these people could thrive. It also became clear that plenty of my audience had taken me seriously, and were imitating what they thought I was doing.

It made me reevaluate things. I'd alienated people, good people, by acting in this way. I'd hurt people I never had any intention of hurting with my callous disregard for their feelings. I'd convinced people to be worse in ways I'd fought against, destroying far more progress than I'd ever made.

So I stepped away from the spotlight and stopped. As a side note, working it out of your vocabulary is a truly frustrating progress. I'd trained myself to use slurs to mean the most basic things. Getting sober was more difficult but at least it was quicker. It took literal years of diligence to kill the impulse to call someone who is being annoying a fa-

Anyway.

Afterwards, a surprising number of the people who distanced themselves from me reached out. More than I deserved. I hadn't told anyone I'd had a revelation, or made some grand apology to try and absolve myself of the sin or whatever. It is telling about how bad it was that people took notice just from it's absence. Many of those shared stories of how it'd hurt them.

The one that broke my heart the most was a transwoman who I had stood up for when others tried to push her out. She had been lonely, and I'd given her just enough acceptance for her to get trapped in a toxic community. My bigotry she rationalized away, and it desensitized her just enough to try to fit in with the broader community around me. She internalized the horrific transphobia that was being said. I think it goes without saying what that did to her mental health and the places it lead. I had caused deep harm to not only someone I liked, who had looked up to me, but someone I had tried to help.

It's not just jokes, the intention doesn't change that.

My neighbour gave me a TV. To be precise, he rushed it to me unannounced at the exact moment I was leaving to go to a party. I accepted as quickly as I could in an effort to still make my train.

It turns out it's about 15 years old and I have no use for it. He's a lovely man but I intend to post it as free to a good home then drop it at an e-recycling station if nobody is interested.

I doubt I'd notice.

i would love you even if you were the size of a whale

Please for the love of god do not say this lmao

Most people could cheap out on tools and they'd still last. The average person just doesn't use the ones they own very often or work them particularly hard. Really, you're going to know if your usage will require higher quality tools and it's not the average techbro posting on /r/buyitforlife.

Backpacks are similar. If you're just using one lightly loaded for an urban commute there is nothing wrong with cheaping out. Spending more is really for people who are wearing them hard and filling them to capacity.

There is an often reposted study that shows people who are worse at video games are more likely to harass women. Though these are some issues with the study and it's scope, this more or less matches my experience. However, this is usually transformed via a game of telephone into suggesting higher skilled players are less misogynistic.

I have played at the top level of multiple games over different genres and it is incredibly misogynistic up there. The key difference is most of the nerds up there are less likely express it so obviously and publicly. In a lot of cases this is purely about self-preservation, teams in competitive games will be collectively penalized so there is a degree of self-policing (nobody wants to have their team disqualified with all that money on the line) and in PvE games there is usually a great deal of time (and lets be real, often money) invested in an account people don't want to lose.

It's gotten a lot better since the "tits or gtfo" and "there are no women on the internet" days, but the last time I was in these circles was only during COVID and it was still wildly misogynistic behind closed doors.

I played it a couple of years ago, before a lot of the patches, and still thought it was one of the better games I have never finished.

::: spoiler spoiler There is this quest line where a character is abducted, raped, tortured and kills herself after you rescue her. Afterwards, the main character and another are on a balcony and smoke, still processing the horrors they've witnessed. I had been off the smokes for a few months at that point, but still needed to go outside and do the same.

I uninstalled shortly after. Not out of disgust, I actually appreciated the game making me feel something, but it just felt right to stop at that point. :::

The level of quality and number of bugs depends a lot on the era you're talking about, as well as the platform. As a PC gamer from the 90s, much of my technical literacy came about from trying to coax games to work. My experience with console gaming was usually much more hassle free, though I have far less experience with it and don't have a modern point of comparison (last console I even used, not even owned, was the PS3).

My real point of "it was better in the old days", is the industry learning to exploit addiction. It's everywhere, and it's not just gambling. The longer you play the more likely you are to pay so even without loot boxes and the like, games are taking as much out of casino playbooks as possible. It's fucking revolting and should be criminal.

As someone who has had problems with addiction of various kinds in the past, it's so blatant to me. I can feel it playing into my vulnerabilities and it makes my blood boil. I avoid most gaming these days because I know if I let it become a habit, the next time life knocks me down I'll fall victim to this.

Nope, just an LCD. It'll make you feel old but 15 years ago CRTs had already lost majority market share. Sony shut down its last CRT manufacturing plants in 2008.

I know, I'd kill to hear that sweet degaussing zap again.

I've unsubbed from any comms that had them. They all become ghost towns with zero discussion.

Pirates of the Caribbean (2003) is my favourite pirate game. No, it's nothing like what you think a licensed tie in game from 2003 would be like.

It's a real oddity. This was made by a Russian studio and originally meant to be a sequel to their previous age of sail game, Sea Dogs. In Russia it was still marketed as a sequel, without the Pirates of the Carribean branding. It has basically nothing to do with the movies in reality. I have no idea how or why this ended up being a tie in.

I don't really have a short hand for describing the genre. It most reminds me of space sims - where you control a vessel which you can replace, has an economy/trade system, management mechanics, factional reputation systems and an open world. It's not a simplified as Freelancer, but not a spreadsheet game like the X series.

The sailing is great, a happy medium between completely arcade stuff where you just point your ship where you want to go and sims. Wind and weather play an important role without being tedious or overwhelming.

You also control a character for ship environments, like boarding, and exploring towns and islands (with swashbuckling combat, of course). It's pretty bare bones but the variety is appreciated. There are lite-RPG dialogue/story mechanics and quests, though I do not want to give the impression this narrative heavy game. It's an RPG style that used to be relatively common but not so much anymore.

But the real highlight is the New Horizons mod which greatly overhauls the game. It's been developed for almost 20 years. I don't recommend playing the vanilla game - I enjoyed it at the time, but it's just an inferior experience to the mod.

Best yet, it's free. The game is abandonware.

I've pretty consistently chosen less hours and better working conditions over pay since I started to have that choice. It's made it a lot more tolerable. I'm currently on a four day week, with a minimal commute, good perks and a relatively stress free job that I took a pay cut for. My retirement savings look pretty slim, but due to my health the chance of a long one isn't much higher anyway.

Not without it's issues. Pay is pretty significantly below the median. Fortunately I'm not interested in having kids and I'm content living cheaply, even if it sounds boring. But I'm in a weird dead zone for government support; for instance - if I earned more, there are programs for "middle income" housing and the like that I earn too little to qualify for. Low income housing programs are a joke - with wait times being as much as a decade -but even if it wasn't I'm not high priority anyway. Also no way on earth I'm ever getting a home loan, even though mortgage repayments would be less than rent and I could conceivably make the deposit.

I went to the doctor because I was having panic attacks. I already knew I had an anxiety disorder, I have since I was a kid, so I assumed I was only going to resume treatment. The doctor just started me back on some meds like usual, but sent me off for some blood tests out of routine.

I don't want to get specific but, as it turns out, there was a lot more going on. I'd been feeling sick for a long time. It seems ridiculous looking back just how sick I let myself become but never even considered seeing a doctor about it. I had a thousand excuses for why it might be happening but not a big deal, and a thousand more lying to myself that it was normal and I wasn't sick at all.

I spent the next two years with medical appointments at least twice a week and referred to various specialists. My inner elbow looks like a junkie's from all the tests. I am still not close to where I used to be, but I'm feeling a lot better these days.

What? That's just a normal way of communicating anything via text in a professional setting. Neutral language, brief, with a generic but appreciative sign off.

usually either trying to skip proper channels for a request, or correcting someone while having no idea what they’re talking about.

I associate this with messages that are informal and overly friendly.

I'm by no means suggesting you shouldn't take steps to protect your privacy. However, part of the reason privacy advocates struggle to connect with a wider audience are terrible false equivalences like these.

Like you wouldn’t strip naked just because you have nothing to hide.

This example fails because people do have something they want to hide, their naked bodies, and the violation is far more severe than the typical data we're trying to protect online.

If you throw this around then start talking about metadata or whatever, even people who might have been open to the idea will ignore you.

My mother was mostly a stranger growing up. I don't know exactly how the arrangement came about, but I was my father's child. She kept her distance and took to my sibling instead. She worked weekends when I was younger so I saw her comparatively little, and by the time I was a teenager my father's abuse had long since driven her into drink and depression. I had little idea what she liked, what her hobbies were or what her life was like before me.

I left in my late teens but moved back in with her in my early 20's. They had divorced just before I left, and she hadn't been coping with it very well. I hadn't coped well with life either. Those were some hard years at first. Both traumatized and stranded. I've gotten to know her very well since then. Frankly, too much. She's no saint, but she's well intentioned and I've come to love her even if I didn't as a child.

My father I always knew. He's not exactly hard to understand, just another emotionally stunted and cowardly little man. We were only ever a tool for him - to win approval from his parents, and to provide one small space where he could inflict his control. I know every little thing he likes because those were the only things that were allowed to matter. He tried desperately to make me become like him. I am very glad I am not.

Blowback - Deep dives into American imperialism. Each season covers a single topic and goes into the background history, through to the conflict, to the aftermath in about 10 hour long episodes each. The first season was on the Iraq War, the second on Cuba, the third on the Korean War and the fourth into Operation Cyclone in Afghanistan. Extremely well produced with some great soundtracks.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fb0r5aWGkCI

Quokka > Wallaby > Kangaroo

I've been very candid about most aspect of my life at different times on the internet. Health, sex, poverty, abuse, you name it. Some of it while extremely mentally unwell.

But would would actually be the worst is if anyone found the fan fiction I wrote when I was like 13.

I need to occupy my mind with something that isn't related to real life. Not just avoiding topics that are stressful or otherwise emotionally loaded, just thinking about anything I'm going to do or things in my life will stop me sleeping. So I think of stories and fiction worlds until the day dreams become actual dreams.

Since I got into the habit my sleep has gotten far more regular and I have had more control over went it happens.

I use one of the extra arms to hit the enter key at work. This brings me much joy.

Seriously, one of my biggest frustrations is the tiny inefficiency caused by needing to use a mouse and keyboard at the same time. I can navigate most of it with just the left hand side of the keyboard except for hitting enter at the end of forms. Moving my hand off my mouse or from the left hand side of the keyboard to the right in this rapid, heavily repeated process is uncomfortable.

Now I've written all that I've realised I should just bind it to something on the left hand side of the keyboard or the mouse though. Oh well, I'll put it on the to do for Monday lmao

Also being able to type with both hands, hold the old school corded phones we still have, and use the mouse or write with a pen at the same time would rule.

None, and every time my coworkers talk about how many they have it seems insane. One has fucking 6 different services. It's not even about the money. I just truly cannot be bothered working out the maze of what is where when an RSS feed will just deliver me the stuff I'm interested in when it comes out from anywhere.

I'm not sure how old I am, maybe three or four. It's the only memory I have from the first place my parents lived in. I'm outside the garage and I've got a hammer.

My mother is smashing computer components and I'm "helping". I remember being so fascinated with what they were and how they worked. I was particularly enthralled by what I now recognize were the internals of a hard drive. The platter is just so shiny! This memory sparks a long term interest in computers.

Later I'd learn my father had been caught consuming particularly violent BDSM pornography.

If you aren't going to find a new job, document any inappropriate behavior. Talk to the other women and get them onboard. Let them know who he is. It wont take much to have him out on his ass if he does anything. Bring up his conviction when you report misconduct as well.

There are plenty of jobs he can work that aren't with the best friend of his victim.

It might not be the right thing to say publicly, but it's absolutely something they should be concerned about internally. It's fucking astonishing how many man hours went into Starfield for such a hollow final product.

Farscape! I haven't seen it since I was barely even a teenager. I loved the show and it meant a lot to me, but there are a lot of years between then and now so I've forgotten a lot. I've been shocked by how outrageously, flamingly queer it has been. Not like the unacknowledged, and often unintentional, homoeroticism of most genre shows of this era but gay sex only half way into the first season.

The show is just pretty great in general too, I love the Henson puppets and aliens so much. Ben Browder is a great lead with a ton of charisma. Just be warned if there are any topics you'd want to avoid, the show would have a fairly long list of content warnings. It can be very dark and not everything has aged perfectly.

Do people really expect it to be anything other than just more GTA? The bar doesn't seem to be set that high.

One, that's the kind of thin you get from it being cheap and way past the point you're supposed to throw it out. Perfection.

Heat waves are basically the only serious thing here. There isn't really much to surviving them for the average person. Stay where it's cool, stay hydrated, don't over exert yourself in the heat. All really easy things to do if you have a reasonable amount of security in your life. Most don't bother except maybe making sure to contact elderly or otherwise vulnerable relatives.

Preparation is needed if you're not financially secure. Maybe you're homeless, maybe you're too broke too cool your home, maybe a lot of things. I've been there before. To this day I'm still aware of places I can find shelter across the city and how to get to them, with and without public transport, in a hurry.

Mostly the answer is libraries but it depends where you are in the sprawl and how bad the heat wave is. They're great during business hours but they can close before things cool down. I learned to get really good at loitering in shops and other private places while expending as little as possible without them moving me on.

Also where to get potable drinking water for free, you'll be surprised how hard it can be to find in a pinch.

Edit: I forgot an underrated and personal favorite method from those days - trains.

Before everything went electronic it was really easy to travel free without the stereotypical methods of fair evading, so you could relax when inspectors were on. I'd find a train with functioning air conditioning on one of the 'safe' lines and just ride it for the whole round trip back to the central station then find a new one. Outside of peak hour it would be dead quiet and I could read or sleep in peace, and they go till late.

If you're curious about the fair evasion method, the old tickets were just small bits of plastic-y cardboard with a magnetic strip on the back. Ticket machines would read the magnetic strip, write to it and mark down a trip in ink on the front of the ticket. If the magnetic strip ever failed they'd still honor the ticket and use the marks on the front to determine how many trips you were owed.

All you had to do was stop it being inked (or remove it). The tolerances on the machines were quite large so you could easily just put a bit of tape on the front and peel it off after to have an unmarked ticket. If you were desperate, you could sometimes rub it off anyway. Then all you needed to do was run a magnet over the magnetic strip or bend the ticket until it was damaged in the right way for a "fresh" but broken ticket. You'd then exchange it as a broken one and have a new ticket. If inspectors ever came around while you had a broken one they'd just tell you to take it in and leave you be.

This way you'd theoretically only ever need to buy one ticket, though it was still advisable to pay when you could or fair evade other ways to avoid become a regular at the service stand. My mother was an alcoholic and my father a deadbeat so this was how I made it to school for years.

I'm sure there is some trick with the new electronic cards but I've been fortunate enough to not need to work that out since they came in.

I have used a check. I'm more likely to be able to get a mortgage and buy a house than to be accepted for a rental again, though I'll likely die before paying it off. I still keep a fair amount of actual cash at home "just in case".

Will be interested to hear your guesses.

Online subscriptions have actually been a thing for a long time. In some ways it's even fallen out of favor, especially with the rise of the "freemium" model. MMOs are a great example of this as subscriptions used to be the price of entry with no other monetization, where as these days if an MMO uses subscriptions it's a secondary "convenience" fee after entry that is almost always combined with MTX bullshit.

If you're talking specifically about SaaS bullshit, it's because it required a certain level of infrastructure before it became practical. We had to move away from cash and needed reliable internet connections first, amongst a host of other developments. Anything that couldn't be a cash purchase in a physical store was losing significant market share. This didn't stop time restricted licenses on software still being a thing, but it was generally pretty niche software.

I dug out my old Logitech Driving Force GT from the closet and blew off the dust. I haven't gotten into a new (to me) racing game since Gran Turismo 5. The hardcore simulationist trend doesn't interest me, I miss proper career modes and I have just had some awful bad luck with games being broken. I just occasionally revisit some classics.

So after many enthusiastic recommendations I grabbed Forza Horizon 5. My first impressions were great. The intro was a lot of fun, with the big set pieces causing me to fight my wheel as it bucked after being long out of practice.

But this was not representative of the actual game. The vast majority of the content is filled by fairly normal races with long stretches driving to them, back and forth across the same stretches of empty open world. It's sort of like a Ubisoft game, but just cars.

This still could have been a good time. I like the driving model well enough, there is a large selection of cars and the environment, while bland, is certainly much less of an eyesore than what awaits me if I go back to play Need for Speed: Most Wanted for the umpteenth time.

I've got some criticisms of the actual racing (the way it generates opponents and their vehicles sucks, the tracks are boring), but what really killed it for me was this slowly creeping, eerie discomfort that built up in the back of my mind over hours until it became overwhelming. The vibes are fucked.

This is Fortnite, the racing game. It's full of cameos and tie ins with influencers. Brands are plastered everywhere. Microtransaction adverts in most menus. Everyone talks in this creepy, corporate approved "wholesomeness" and aware of how "epic" what they're doing is. There is a really uncomfortable tension between this huge festival that completely empties Mexico of pedestrians and how much the game fetishizes Americaness.

I wanted to scream during a sub-plot where you race a bunch of rich douche bags who are beefing with some guy at the festival. The game throws out shit like "they shouldn't be discriminated against for their money, they can't help the fact they are rich" and talks about fucking therapy. All the writing is this bad, I hate every single character in these inexplicably unskippable cutscenes.

The radio selection is dogshit too.

This is just not relatable at all for me. Is this an American thing?

TikTok is owned primarily by western investors and it's board is majority American. Usually I would be here to give the contrarian opinion that the government that is most likely to harm you is your own and that the majority of people would be better off with a non-cooperating country having your data. However, TikTok is just as likely to hand over user data to the US as Facebook is. It's the worst of both worlds.

Reddit feels like a weirdly dead place. Depending on the sub, there can be a lot of posts and comments but it's very hard to engage with. You need to comment early and what conversation there is decays very early. A lot of it is fake too, with bots stealing comments to repost.

It's a little bit better on smaller subs, but Reddit has a way of funneling everything into a larger subs if there is one for a topic, so outside of niche topics they tend to be ghost towns.

Lemmy is more like a small, weird forum. It's hardly perfect but at least it doesn't feel like a bunch of chat bots talking to each other.

For women: I like women a bit older than me, I like plus sized women, I like slightly deeper voices, I like flat women, I like a chubby uhhh "mons pubis", I like muscle women, I like pubic hair. There are so many, often contradictory, things I like that are broadly considered imperfections. Frankly, I just like women who aren't the typical beauty standard.

For men: I like anything that softens them, makes them seem less aggressive. Some of these are pretty common (e.g., "twinks") but I also like chubby men, short men, long hair and so on. It's less broad than things I'm into with women and has a definite reason rather than being a seemingly random assortment of things.

That's just physically as well. Wealth is a turn off, being really into fitness is a turn off, overly ambitious is a turn off (particularly for work). I like cozy introverts who just want to be content with life.

I've been looking for rentals lately. Every inspection has dozens upon dozens of people show up. Rental vacancies are at a tiny fraction of a percent. No landlord will take someone if the rent will cost more than 30% of their income. To qualify for a studio apartment it takes almost double the median wage.

I hate it so much. I've budgeted so that I know I can afford these places on my income, I have a significant pile of savings and a stable job. I have been looking for a place for six months and been rejected from them all.

I've given up. Even if I could get a place it'd be cheaper to pay a fucking mortgage.

I'm surprised at how hard seeing Max again hit me. I don't have much interest in playing a new LiS game, but I still got unreasonably emotional dredging up memories of the first game.