Taking up Gaywallet's offer to share my feelings.

I'm angry. Everywhere I go on the internet, I encounter some form of prejudice and hate. Every social media website that I've tried, I've had to tolerate intolerance towards marginalized people. Every attempt that I've made to speak up about this is met with apathy. You just gotta learn to deal with it.

I'm tired. I've joined countless online communities, searching for a place where I can feel at home. I want to find a community where I can share, grow and build. I haven't found it yet, but Beehaw is the closest thing I have found so far.

I'm hurt. Seeing the reactions to these posts has been both disappointing and reassuring. One of the comments that I found to be hurtful was calling Beehaw a "walled garden". Walls protect things, you know? It's hurtful to see this type of labelling and name-calling used to dismiss the very real concerns of real people.

I'm fearful. As a result of all the negativity and toxicity I have encountered, I am afraid to speak up. Every time I make a post or comment, I do so with the expectation that someone will try to find a way to discredit my experiences. I am constantly thinking of ways to defend myself against attacks.

I'm hopeful. From my short time here on Beehaw, I've seen some encouraging things. The admins and mods on Beehaw are actively contributing. The posts and comments I have seen from them are thoughtful, sensible and genuine. It's reassuring to see that they seem to be a good bunch with their priorities in the right place. I look forward to seeing all of the things that Beehaw can achieve with this collective mindset.

papers please. i thought i was doing pretty well in the beginning, but i guess it's built in to the narrative of the game that no matter how hard you work, your family will still get sick and die, and the story progresses by you unknowingly screwing up and letting in a terrorist. not only are you responsible for paying for your own mistakes, it only gets harder and more unforgiving with each level. i realized pretty quickly that it's not fun at all to spend my precious free time playing an extremely punishing game about working.

return rant incoming:

i'm glad it's you saying this, and not me. i think it's important to say, but i cannot handle all the bullshit hot takes that i would have to deal with afterwards.

i cannot stand when people tell me to try to be nicer, say it in a gentler, more pleasing manner, try to be more considerate of others feelings, maybe try wearing some nice clothes or makeup so that i feel more confident. i do all of those things in my day to day life, and it works. that's kind of the problem. it's expected of me, a woman, to speak or act a certain way. if i behave in a way that is not matching ppls' invisible expectations of how a woman should behave, they get very uncomfortable with me. on the internet, it translates to ppl thinking it's their business to tell me what to do :) i am pretty sure that if i were to write this same post in a "feminine-sounding" way, the reaction would be different (IMO in a bad way).

it also pisses me off when i come across ppl who think of life as a game that needs to be won. the moment i show any amount of emotional or passionate speech, i lose - my words become invalidated because i am expressive, therefore i cannot control myself? i don't really get it. i think there's a good number of people on the internet who take pride in holding back their emotions. i guess public display of emotion is shameful for them? basically anytime i say anything passionate online, ppl think it's their duty to convince me that i'm wrong LOL

my family members are purposefully ignorant towards LGBTQ+ and i'm terrified that they'll say something hateful in public. for now, i'm trying my best to hate the behavior, not the human.

rich person threatens legal action because he is losing income due to his own actions. got it.

Yaccarino, a highly respected TV advertising executive, was appointed in May with the task of restoring relationships with advertisers a priority. In 2021, advertising accounted for 90% of X’s revenue but that income stream has been hit by companies pausing ad spending over doubts over Musk’s leadership.

i'm also curious how long Linda Yaccarino is going to last. she's been around since May, given the job of cleaning up messes after Elon. her pay and benefits are probably very good, but what's the real cost of this bullshit? is it worth it? is it possible for her mental health to remain in good condition while she deals with this? we'll see!

i'm looking forward to hearing his made-up defense against this made-up attack, like "this is hurtful, i am not antisemetic, i love the Jewish people".

Elon, the federal court does not exist to validate your feelings. you are wasting peoples' valuable time and resources.

i joined up on beehaw recently, just taking the time to check things out now. i've been feeling kind of exhausted with online communication lately, like i need to be mentally prepared to deal with assholes everywhere i go online. i just wanna look at cute animals and interact with people sometimes.

i wholeheartedly agree with you. i severely limited my social media usage in the past 10 years. took extra care to be mindful of what kind of content i was spending time on. it's shocking to me how much the online social norms have shifted in the past few years, since the start of the pandemic.

for me, it's not so much about the shitty behavior and hot takes, but the fact that this type of behavior is commonly accepted. i'm not down with being treated that way, but it's exhausting to deal with these attitudes everywhere. this is why i decided to join beehaw. i'm happy with my choice.

hey, just wanna jump in here to say i am proud of you both for having this honest conversation peacefully <3 really appreciate the thoughtfulness here

i think the only thing stopping him from joining the supremacists is narcissism.

it's good to see people facing the consequences of their actions though. it's taken this long to build a case to prosecute Trump. i will be sure to tune in for the Elon Musk edition of Fuck Around and Find Out.

listen, imagine a world where random people don't roll up on beehaw and tell them how to run their shit. just imagine!

i just kept pushing the x in the top right corner for a few weeks, then it gave me the 3-2-1 countdown, and then finally it blocked me from viewing any more videos until i disabled my ad blocker. i disabled uBlock origin, refreshed, re-enabled it again. no more ads since i did that.

thank you for speaking up, Chris <3 please look into EMDR therapy, it has been incredibly effective for me, specifically for coping with extreme visual imagery.

the internet has a serious culture problem. people enjoy this shit. so many people turn a blind eye to things that make them slightly uncomfortable. i think ppl need to face consequences.

thanks for the update, i'm still clicking the x in the top right corner and continuing on my merry way

i bought myself a pink lava lamp. it arrives in 2 weeks. i am SO excited to stare mindlessly at it for hours.

this is a tough week for me. i got laid off last week after working for 4 years at that company. there are so many things that i am excited to do, now that i have the time, but i am feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted from dealing with the layoffs that have been happening for months. it's time for me to rest and recharge now, but i don't quite know how to do that, so i'm trying to figure that out. i am struggling with a lot of self-doubt and a critical inner voice. it's hard to stay kind and motivate myself when i feel this way.

unpaid ones

I appreciate the transparency and willingness to discuss with the community.

I was a rexxitor in July, trying out different online communities after deleting my account there. I was very affected by the lack of moderation on Reddit, and subsequently every other platform that I've tried since then.

It's pretty clear to me that safety is an issue that affects all humans who use the internet. A sense of safety and security allows our minds the freedom to create. If Beehaw can find a sustainable way to keep us feeling safe to express ourselves, the people will come. The content will come, I can guarantee it.

Ultimately, the decision is up to the leadership here and I trust and respect that. I have no clue about any of this stuff. I just want to find a place where I can post my art and hopefully? maybe? not have to endure hate.

thanks for writing this post, and sharing your thoughts.

i believe in the kindness economy. show kindness to others, receive kindness when offered. give grace, receive grace. i try my best to show kindness and appreciation freely without expectation of return.

the problem is that i'm exhausted, and my patience and tolerance levels are extremely low. i have paid so much kindness into the system, and regardless of that, i am met with people who try to convince me that i'm a terrible person, and what they think i should do about it, pretty much everywhere i go. yes that says more about them than it does about me, etc. i've heard it all. but you know what? it still pisses me off. i come to the internet to look at cute things and connect with humans. to talk with people is to accept that there will always be somebody who projects their hot garbage mentality onto me, and i will need to just deal with it.

opening myself up to really listen to others' perspectives has had this effect on my thought process. i want to hear how other people experience the world, but when i run into people who are "just asking questions", i often feel the need to fight the urge to respond. i have a lot of anger and resentment that i carry around silently, and i need to put in a great deal of effort to find constructive ways to express those thoughts.

came here after the edit - nice! it's really great to see that there's real, sensible advice being given here. i'm uh, not used to seeing that online.

i guess what i noticed about this post is how well it's written. there were a few parts that just felt sad that you needed to clarify. but when i remove those TMI parts from the context, i realize how much value that those extra reassurances bring to the discussion.

i agree with you and i also think all games should have optional subtitles

sigh... isn't this more or less the same thing that Reddit did with their API fees? look how well that turned out for them.

Unity is an extremely flawed game engine with unsolvable memory management issues. Most game devs choose to go with Unity because it's cheap, and then end up getting a lot of complaints because of the previously mentioned unsolvable memory issues.

IMO Unreal is the better game engine, in pretty much every aspect. i haven't checked out Godot yet, but based on all the hype i'm seeing and their prioritizing accessibility, it seems to be a great choice.

i just clicked the x in the corner and continued on my merry way 🙂

can relate. it's like they're saying, "you're wrong, you just don't know it yet" - it feels super condescending and patronizing, especially when it comes from loved ones.

there is hope though. years ago, if i brought up anything to do with gender identity or sexual orientation, my family would be all like, nonono we don't wanna hear about what you do and who you do it with (i'm ace LOL). over the years, they started to see that my queerness doesn't change who i am (they also thought "queer" was a slur, until i used it to describe myself). also when i spend time with friends, they see and experience the little bits of prejudice that i face day-to-day. the more time they spend with me, the harder it becomes to ignore/refuse. there's been a few memorable moments with friends, when they ask me quietly, "did that just happen? are you okay?" and that's when i know they understand what i've been saying all this time.

i definitely think it's possible. anything has the potential to grow and change if we choose to prioritize it.

"you are not entitled to nice"

a few months ago, on a different social media website, i posted something controversial (which IMO should not be controversial, anyways) and a friend made a very similar post. my friend was assumed to be a white man, while i was assumed to be a BIPOC woman. he received praise for his post and i did not see any criticisms of his views. my post was immediately criticized. various users told me that my drama wasn't welcome here, i'm attention seeking, etc. when i asked one user why they were being so hostile to me, they responded with the quote above.

this was just one of the many demonstrations of misogyny that i've faced in the past 3 months online. it's tiring as hell to deal with it.

i went through a similar experience with my mom many years ago. my brother bought me a new door handle with a key lock and installed it for me. he kept one key (as my backup, in case i accidentally lock myself out) and i had the other key. getting that peace of mind in terms of privacy is worth it.

i would recommend to try to save up and purchase a reliable new lock and guard those keys as much as you value your privacy.

thanks Link :) i am really glad i joined beehaw

i can't keep up with the blocking and reporting. the same spam keeps showing up. i suppose i could just fuck off of gaming@kbin and get my gaming news and complain about unity elsewhere.

I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for - http://hyperboleandahalfbook.blogspot.com/

I also recommend Calvin and Hobbes.

here's what i do: i value my time and try to set healthy boundaries. i choose to spend my time doing things that i like. i make plans to hang out with people i like. if i am not enjoying the conversation, i will stop talking with that person.

i treat my family the same way. as a result, my family members make an effort to try not to say stupid shit that upsets me. when i let my friends know what upsets me and why, they try not to do those things anymore, at least when they're around me.

Based on the comments on this post, so far my toolkit consists of: leave, report the offender, and learn to protect myself.

I am not satisfied with these answers.

I am asking for ways to show support to a victim of online bullying and harassment.

I will continue on my search to find the answers I am looking for. But I will not be satisfied until the people who have suffered feel safe to share their real, lived experiences, and can freely offer their insights without fear.

stardew valley and the stanley parable. no regrets :)

greeting my cats when we see each other

it's been crazy TBH. i've tried like 6? different new things since then. i don't miss reddit. i've checked it maybe twice since i quit and i don't have any desire to have an account to interact with people there. personally i would prefer something smaller scale, maybe a few thousand users, but there are growing pains for sure.

i joined beehaw and bluesky in the same week. i think it's fun! lots of artists and indie game devs on there. i didn't use twitter and don't really like mastodon, so i don't have any point of comparison. seems to me that moderation is lacking and/or apathetic. there's been a heavy focus on US political issues. there's a lot of stuff that i don't want to see, but i mute often and that has improved my browsing experience. it's been more friendly and welcoming than pretty much any other social media site i've tried so far. i also do not prefer microblogging platforms, but i've been having such a hard time with hateful comments across various platforms in the past few months, bluesky has been refreshing for me in that sense.

body shaming. making fun of small boobs, big boobs, uneven boobs, put your nipples away, etc. you're always too skinny or too fat. the perception that women need to be protected.

steamdeck, webtoons, been checking out a few reddit alternatives

this is exciting! 🐝

my therapist recommended a book called "Strengthsfinder 2.0" by Tom Rath. there's an online quiz that you fill out and it determines your personal top strengths.

i was in my 3rd career at that point, having doubts about whether i should continue with this career or consider switching to something else. this book and the quiz helped to reassure me that the career i am in was the right one for me.

Unity is seriously flawed and they had the audacity to say that this is necessary for them to fix their shit.

i go chat with strangers on the internet and/or talk or make plans with friends.