Getting strapped to the floor of a Dragon sounds like a great plot for a space thriller

Honestly, that's a significant improvement over the sex ed we get here in Texas.

*Confused by the surprisingly modest and polite evil shrubbery. Wondering if another higher shrubbery to create a two-level effect would improve the evilness...*

It's never been about belief or faith. This goes back to the tobacco lobby when progressives were considered progressive because they followed the advice and research of experts. Conservatives couldn't get away with doing whatever they wanted to do because progressives had facts and evidence to back up their platforms. While progressives were relying on input from third-party think tanks, conservatives invented their own think tanks by buying off professors from prestigious universities who needed more money and were willing to write bad-faith research.

Conservatives don't believe in anything other than money, power, and self-indulgence—they just muddied the waters enough to make facts and research look questionable. Finally, when people point to facts and figures, conservatives can point to their own tainted research and pretend like they believe their own lies.

Just wanted to let you know that this is probably the tenth time I've revisited this comment just to read it and chuckle

Found @SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world's early artwork

Step 6.5: Sacrifice the wrong kind of bird and now your dead ex will only dance their way to the buried treasure if you play the right kind of music

You dumb son of a bitch! That "problem" you fixed has been our job security for the past 30 years! We could have had voters arguing over that platform for another seven terms if you had left well enough alone! Now what are we supposed to use for fundraising? Ideas???

That's the best summary of any Friends episode ever

What a sad fucking nightmare for everyone involved.

I'm waiting for someone else to do something about it. Just like everyone else

Alternative headline: "study finds that people don't like subscriptions that tell them to eat shit"

Never change, SatansMaggotyCumFart. Always be the reason my eyeballs burn.

You heard it here first: God gave Trump herpes

I use a KVM switch tree and run it off an alternator connected to my desk bike

Woke toddler was working for Big Baby to make Tesla look bad

Also, firefighters are just beefy sexy shills for the axe industry

I don't remember taking this photo??? But there it is, so I must have taken that photo...

Only a true fartographer could capture a handful of turds appearing to sniff a fart.

Can, should, and hopefully will. His charming smile and faux-liberal persona on dirty jobs did insurmountable damage to worker's rights by slow-walking the youth to believing that safety and unions only slow down otherwise reasonable progress.

There should be one-episode reboot where Mike gets to perform blue collar tasks with machinery that's missing all legally required safety labels and fail-safes. Then he's only given a description of what he's supposed to accomplish with zero warnings or regulations. At the end of the episode, Mike and whatever pieces of him that remain gets to receive their paycheck after all debts are settled at the company store. That final amount is what he gets to use for rent and food for the week.

Let's see what peripety the ground beef version of Mike Rowe finds in his anagnorisis of promoting the death and dismemberment of his own fan base.

238.3% of polled Lemmy users do not remember the news cycle nightmare of Rachel's nipples and that most of us were too busy checking out her hairstyle.

Approximately four and a half billion years ago, some rocks and shit became friends and hugged each other so tight that they created the earth.

After a few hundreds of millions of years, life appeared on earth.

Then, four-ish billion years later, Nyasasaurus was like, "roar y'all."

And now there are birds. They're like, "caw y'all," and we're all like, "yo, that's a bird." Then the lizards are like, "me too bro."

The end.

Yes. Burn it all down.

That fucking click haunts me like something from a horror movie

Where's the door?

You don't have children, do you?

I'm not sure that person has ever seen a child

OP is a goddamn liar and is trying to spread misinformation. Notice how there are TWO staples but only ONE mint??? Nice try OP, but we all see through your poor facade and know you're actually a two mint-having bitch elitist!

Remember when Musk said he was working on saving all those people, but then someone else actually did it instead of just trying to show off on Twitter, so Musk baselessly called him a pedophile? You know, like a normal well-adjusted human.

So what I'm hearing is that you can call anyone a pedophile on Facebook? Ok, every single employee and executive at Facebook are all pedophiles.

I agree. He looks like a man who took too many drugs, ate too much junk, and then died on his bathroom floor mid-shit.

These fucking Parks and Rec prophecies

The studios didn't lose jack shit and are gonna be fine. They're just upset that the humans who make up their workforce will no longer accept having the studios spit in their mouths when they're thirsty.

Make no mistake, the true talent of Hollywood only just barely upgraded to the execs now pissing in their mouths. Sure, they're less likely to die from thirst, but they still don't get to drink water from the studio fountain.

Beep boop bitch, here's the gist to this jazz:

Biden tried to secure $39 billion for student loan relief and a couple of bitch-ass nonprofits were like, "ouch! Our money!" The judge finally told them to shut the fuck up all like, "damn, you dumbasses weren't even all that injured. Y'all flop more than Tony Parker in a breezy corridor." The judge dismissed their whining without prejudice, which means these sharp-farters could try being little tattling shits again if they can prove real damage. The judge was like, "listen here dick-lips! Even if you could prove you were injured you gotta prove it was because of the loan forgiveness, not just say it was, shit-for-brains."

Then the Department of Education was all like, "WE'LL NEVER FUCKING STOP FIGHTING FOR THE FINANCIAL RIGHTS OF THOSE FUCKED BY INSTITUTIONALIZED POVERTY!"

How was my summary? I'm pretending to be a bot, so go fuck yourself. Report any issues here.

I was scared for a second, the edit is so real and seamless! I bet you used AI

When you're having sex with your partner, what fantasy would you play in your head just before you orgasm?

So... A guy who hasn't done any work in years, did something kinda cool 20 years ago, loves Alex Jones, and says that the helicopter he uses to assault and endanger the homeless to defend a business while calling himself a hero to the middle class? Fetch me my fancy bib, it's time to eat the rich.

I had family die in the work camps, die in the chambers, and die in the ghettos. If Gaza needs to become Auschwitz because you're trying to shoehorn the Holocaust into the conversation, then October 7th was the Warsaw Ghetto uprising, you sick fuck. This mayor either needs a history lesson, a reminder to respect his family who died senselessly for their heritage, or would even do best to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. These blood-thirsty assholes need to figure out how to goddamn listen when others are crying before they repeat history's worst atrocities.

Here's a word I used to hear in Hebrew school and history lessons all the time: scapegoat. Look around you and try to identify who the scapegoat is. It ain't us this time... Also, read the fucking room. If many of your most ardent supporters are Nazis, you're probably doing a Nazi thing.

Cuz she used campaign funds to cover up her affair.

Oh wait, nvm, that's the other guy. The criminal she's prosecuting.

May they all fall off a ladder while trying to hang a photo of the family who doesn't visit them anymore and then die slowly of dehydration on the floor with a broken pelvis.

Quit fucking with people's healthcare!

Turns out if you're rich enough, you get to try out the trolly problem in real life and then brag about it in your biography.

I'm trapped here, too! While I'm not happy about the situation, I'm incredibly excited to see all of my old history teachers get shit on when Texans find out that:

• While we CAN split into 5 states, we CANNOT form our own country without repercussions. The concept of Texas returning to its own country is not in any constitution nor agreement. While there is an agreement that we can become multiple states, it's redundant when compared to Article IV, Section 3 of the US freaking Constitution.

• We're not the only state that was once it's own country. Hell, Hawaii was not only its own sovereign nation, it was a fucking kingdom. Other than being the biggest, dumbest, and drunkest, no part of our previous classification before joining the Union is special considering that Vermont was its own country 40% longer than we were.

• As long as we're dispelling ignorant Texas myths, no we're not the only state who can fly their flag at the same height as the US flag. Literally any state can. They're called flag codes and they're insanely easy to find and read. You'll find that most self-avowed "patriots" tend to breach the most flag codes.

There's no such thing as "Texas pride" anymore. It's all been replaced with ignorance and disrespect. The last time we got drunk and punched our landlord in the face, we spent 10 years boisterously bragging about how cool it is to be dirty and homeless while quietly crying to our northern neighbor and begging them to bring us in off the streets. And while we told everyone that one of things that made us so cool was how hard we shit our pants when we defeated Mexico got abandoned by Mexico like a parent too disappointed in their child to even argue anymore, we got so desperate for a new mommy or daddy that we considered going home with anyone who made the mistake of looking at us while walking by:

But even while coming to prize independence, Texas found itself weak and bankrupt, newly menaced by a Mexico that never recognized her right to exist. With historical repercussions that can only be guessed at today, the country’s leaders seriously considered taking Texas into the British Empire.

So, to our future Piss Baby in Chief, I dare you to try. My city alone has a shocking number of military bases and I'm sure any one of them can easily get foreign-leader-killing drones in the air within seconds of having a new enemy holding US troops hostage.