Federal judge tosses suit against Biden student loan forgiveness plan for long-term borrowers

MicroWave@lemmy.world to News@lemmy.world – 278 points – Federal judge tosses suit against Biden student loan forgiveness plan for long-term borrowers
thehill.com

A federal judge dismissed a lawsuit brought by two conservative groups intended to halt the Biden administration’s plan to cancel $39 billion in student loans for more than 800,000 borrowers.

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Beep boop bitch, here's the gist to this jazz:

Biden tried to secure $39 billion for student loan relief and a couple of bitch-ass nonprofits were like, "ouch! Our money!" The judge finally told them to shut the fuck up all like, "damn, you dumbasses weren't even all that injured. Y'all flop more than Tony Parker in a breezy corridor." The judge dismissed their whining without prejudice, which means these sharp-farters could try being little tattling shits again if they can prove real damage. The judge was like, "listen here dick-lips! Even if you could prove you were injured you gotta prove it was because of the loan forgiveness, not just say it was, shit-for-brains."

Then the Department of Education was all like, "WE'LL NEVER FUCKING STOP FIGHTING FOR THE FINANCIAL RIGHTS OF THOSE FUCKED BY INSTITUTIONALIZED POVERTY!"

How was my summary? I'm pretending to be a bot, so go fuck yourself. Report any issues here.

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I can't shake the feeling that in 10 years, this will be a valid news format. Just one more step towards President Camacho.

I demand a news site where all articles are written in this fashion NOW!! This is solid fucking gold!