Mixed feelings about giving money to houseless people

M. Orange@beehaw.org to Betterment and Praxis@beehaw.org – 100 points –

So, to get this out of the way, I'm a cisgender white man from a well-off family in a fairly affluent town. I'm making this post because I want to hear perspectives from those who are different from and likely significantly more knowledgeable than me. (Literally as I was writing this post, I came to the epiphany that I should probably more properly educate myself on socialism.)

TL;DR: What is your opinion on giving money to houseless people you see IRL?

I like to consider myself socialist/progressive in thought---in favor of wealth redistribution via various methods, live and let live, freedom for everyone as long as you're not materially harming anyone, etc.---but I grew up in a fairly conservative household (more socially than fiscally, but even then). Being in a rich area, I never really saw houseless people around unless I went to one of the nearby cities, and the general policy was keep walking and don't look. My parents definitely raised me to be kind and generous, but more in a detached "give to charity" way.

Rather recently, I've really embraced this idea of being socialist, and I've become very free with giving my money in particular (though I'm aware I could do more, like join a DSA branch or somethin'). I love giving to non-profit organizations when I can, I support creators I like on Patreon. I've even started giving to people on Fedi who I've seen need money for whatever reason. Spread the wealth, right?

Now, things have changed where I live, and even in my rich lil burb, you can usually find at least one refugee or houseless person when you go out to a grocery store or something. I just saw a guy who was standing outside a grocery store asking for spare change, and it was a rare occasion that I actually had cash in my wallet. On my way out, I gave it to him. Simple.

But I feel weird about it. I have all these ideas in my head from White America saying that they'll just buy alcohol or drugs with it or that they're scamming me or anything else like that. Then on the other hand, I think that it's just as likely (if not more) that they're going to spend it on things they actually need to live and how it's not my job to police how they use their money. And then on the third hand, I think that maybe it would be better to donate money to organizations that help out houseless people than just giving money to random people. Then on the fourth hand---you get the idea.

For those of you who actually read the whole post and didn't stop at the TL;DR, I have a few questions:

  1. Why in God's name did you actually read this whole thing?
  2. Are these feelings normal or am I just a self-centered prick?
  3. What are your opinions on giving money to houseless people you just randomly meet?
  4. As a bonus question for the socialists out there: Any recs on socialism learning resources for someone who likes reading, but doesn't like reading books?

For those of you who made it all the way to the end, thank you for reading my neurotic ramblings.

EDIT: I didn't really expect this to blow up... but thank you all so much for your perspectives on everything. It was exactly what I was hoping for and exactly what I didn't think I was going to get. I tried to read everything and I feel simultaneously less conflicted, but definitely more... not confused, but maybe full of ideas?

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.1. I like reading and I find different perspectives interesting and I like to stretch my thinking into someone else's shoes - it helps be more empathetic and less rigid/extreme.

.2. These feelings are very normal when you consider societal conditioning tells us poor people are poor because they're lazy or something and giving them money is a BAD IDEA BECAUSE THEY'LL WASTE IT ON DRUGS!!!1!1!.

.3. I'm poor. Like poor poor. Below the poverty line poor. I'm disabled and can't work. My spouse is my carer. We make do and we're OKish. Certainly better off than some, that's for sure. Anyways, money has a lot more value to us because even small amounts can make a big difference. But I will still give money when I can, even if it's a few bucks. But most of the time, I give an amount that's still significant (in terms of what we can afford). I most often encounter folks who need help outside a supermarket so my go to is to always ask them first if there's anything specific they need. Most of the time they ask for something to buy. It could be a staple or it could be a treat. I don't care, I buy them what they ask for. None have ever asked me for anything ridiculous. If in the future someone does, I'll be straight up that I can't afford it and ask them if there's anything cheaper I can get. I also always get out cash and give them that as well. Very occasionally I get some saying they don't need anything, they've never asked for cash instead but I always say that I'll bring them some back.
Sorry, I realise at this point I need to explain that in my country cash isn't that common to carry around. Most people pay for everything by card. So I always have to get money out to give to folks.

Why do I do this? I used to think, "Don't give homeless cash, they'll just waste it on booze or whatever.". That changed to "Only give food because that will actually help rather than wasting it on shit they don't need". To, "I can't always know what someone needs so maybe I should just give money and let them choose. And hey, they have a pretty shitty and hard existence so who am I to judge them for wanting to take the edge off that. I do that myself too sometimes.". My stance changed over time as I talked to people directly about their circumstances, talked to people who provide aid, talked to people about socialism and philosophy, read more on harm reduction, etc.

Now I'm at the point where I practice radical unconditional compassion - if I am to truly respect everyone's fundamental human rights, I cannot make judgements based on my own personal perceptions and beliefs. Because they are just that - mine. I cannot pick and choose who has rights, which rights, and who doesn't. Human rights are for everyone. If I expect people to respect my rights unconditionally, I have to reciprocate that.
Now, unconditional compassion can be bloody hard to practice at times. How can I have compassion for murderers or r**ists?? How can I have compassion and uphold the rights for those who have taken other people's rights away?? First, because I can have compassion and empathy for people without having to believe the same things as them or agree with their actions. I can respect fundamental rights without agreeing to the ways others are breeching them. Second, because I realise that we are ALL products of our upbringing, society, genetics, conditioning, experiences, good choices, bad choices.... There is no such thing as an evil person. There's just circumstances and society that either supports us to make good decisions or ones that allow us to fall through the cracks and make bad choices. We as a society and a species need to look at ourselves collectively and understand where we are going wrong that we have 'allowed' people to have so little personal responsibility, that we have let people fall so far that they are ok with taking away the rights and lives of others.

And yes, absolutely there is personal responsibility. I would argue that a lot of society's ills come from lack of personal responsibility (i.e. fobbing blame off on someone or something else and not owning and learning from mistakes). But I also know that lack of personal responsibility doesn't exist in a vacuum - that came from somewhere.

Anyway, getting a bit off topic now lol. The TL;DR of it is that I want to uphold everyone's basic and intrinsic rights without limitation and to do this I cannot pronounce judgements down on others. So yes, I give them cash even when some of them (likely a small minority from what I've observed) may 'abuse' my kindness. I'm ok with that. I would rather give to all and have some take advantage, than give to none. Treat others as you would have them treat you, ya know?

.4. Not reading, but I do enjoy Second Thought on YouTube and Nebula. I feel it gives a good summary of ideas and issues. :)

If you got this far, thanks for reading my dissertation 😅

I really like the way you phrased the mental shift from judging "what a person needs" to respecting their right to make a choice about what they need.

I agree that most people dont abuse generosity, & beyond that it kind of doesnt matter if they do. Better a chump than a scrooge.

I appreciate the dissertation, and I read every word of it. 💕