How do I stop a crush from developing further?

throwawaysalami@lemmy.world to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 169 points –

I think I got a crush on my dance instructor. Which fucking sucks for all the obvious reasons. Normally I wouldn't be so worried. BUT I JUST HAD A GODDAMN ROMANTIC DREAM ABOUT HER. Seriously I just woke up from a dream about her confessing her love to me and me eagerly doing the same about her.

So how do you stop a crush from developing further? Because this is a well from which only disappointment may be drawn.

Edit: I am single btw.

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Full speed ahead, tell her how you feel. It can only end in two ways:

  1. Your dream becomes a premonition and you live happily ever after.

  2. She tells you she doesn't feel the same way and it ends there, awkwardly or not.

Speaking from experience. I had a crush on this one girl and I just couldn't get her out of my mind. I decided to do something about it and asked her out. She said no and that was the end of it.

Don't be afraid to be awkward.

Edit: If this truly is an impossible situation (you or the instructor are already in committed relationships) then I agree with everyone else telling you to find another instructor.

OR

Still do what I said but try to reconcile your feelings for her, with her. Also speaking from experience here. If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.

If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.

But this just makes it worse. Cause you're probably right. Which would make me feel even more like a schmuck. Yeah I think I'm just gonna go find a new instructor.

Agreed. Coming out to a crush has never helped me personally as it was pretty evident they weren't showing as much interest in me as I had in them. For me, crushes have always happened when my exposure to the person was one-sided/parasocial (as seems to have been the case in your lesson). I have found that the most effective way to prevent this is to get to know people that excite you on a personal level before a crush can develop. This usually means enthusiastically trying to interact with them moment I notice them and abandoning them if it does not work out — instead of watching them for a while and then deciding whether to approach.

Maybe you could get a new instructor, but tell the current one why, and say you just feel it's right to move on.

Then, if there's any reciprocating feelings you might find out. And if not, at least you're already moving on.