I don't feel rewarded for anything "good" I do
Hi everyone.
When I try to follow a schedule to eat, clean my room and do my homework, it feels good at the beginning, but as time goes on, it just doesn't feel good anymore.
I'm not even sure if I even feel trully happy about doing all of my responsibilities.
It doesn't feel as if a burden has been lifted of my shoulder.
It doesn't feel as if I were "refreshed" or more energetic after I do all of these.
I started slowly like my therapist recommended: I did a schedule to eat 3 times a day. It started rocky but then I manage to do it... but only for a while. Eating just didn't feel good either.
Every single time I finally clean my room, I don't feel any good: it just feels as though I wasted time because I don't feel any better.
Doing math homework is fun, philosophy to, but I don't like any of the other subjects I actually need to do homework for.
I know it might seem childish to only do things that feel good but I hate not being able to feel anything at all, especially when I do things that are supposed to help me but don't make me feel anybetter afterwards.
Has someone here went through anything similar? What do you do then, if so?
Edit: I have read all of your replies so far, but I don't know how to respond properly to them. All I can think of is to say thank you! I will try to change things (although slowly) today using your tips.
Everybody is saying how the goal of these things isn't to make you feel good, but here's the thing: people keep telling me how "you'll feel better once you've done it" for all kinds of shit as the ultimate reason to "just do it". And then I (somehow manage to) do it and I don't. That's messing with my head and I suspect OP's as well.
Yeah I don't understand at all people who make their bed in the morning because it nakes them feel good. Wtf. You just wasted a few minutes you'll never get back doing something that will just be undone in a few hours.
Like, I feel better with a clean house. I feel better when I've got big muscles and a low body fat percentage. But the act of cleaning or working out suuuuuuucks and I hate it. It's a massive time sink. And I don't feel accomplished after doing it. I just feel the wasted time that I could have spent doing something enjoyable.
People look at their made bed for the rest of the day and get a little dopamine hit every time.
Doing chores all over the house gives them a flood of dopamine hits whenever they go anywhere because it's so clean and organised. It's like leaving drugs all over the house for you to find whenever you do anything.
But if you are so inattentive that you don't notice the bed is made 10 more times that day there is no reward system.
I had literally no idea that's how most people feel after doing chores. Even when I've actually done something pretty big like cleaning my whole kitchen or tidying up an entire room, If I feel anything other than indifference each time I see it, it's usually along the lines of damn, that was a lot of work, not looking forward to doing that again.