TL;DR: The words "dude" and "guy" can be used in a gender neutral way, and they can be used in a male-gendered way. This is often a dialectical difference in the way diverse regions and cultures use language. The movement towards using "dude" as gender neutral is sexist, as it aims to transform maleness into the default. This movement has not entirely succeeded, many regions and individuals do not accept its change. There are non-sexist gender neutral terms available. You cannot control how someone else will hear your words, because on Lemmy you speak to people all over the world. The word is especially harmful to trans people like myself. Even if you were right that all modern use of the term were gender neutral (you are not), human beings have memories and you cannot ignore history.
The exact opposite. I reckon the issue is that you don't understand what you read.
There's nothing to apologise, when the hurt stems from not understanding what you read.
Well, now that you've stated you think words are more important than people, let's examine the word.
https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/282694/is-dude-becoming-gender-neutral
https://www.wiley.com/en-us/network/education/instructors/teaching-strategies/im-not-your-guy-dude-why-language-really-does-matter
https://www.ncl.ac.uk/who-we-are/equality/language-inclusivity/gender-inclusive/
https://medium.com/@transstyleguide/dont-call-me-dude-i-m-not-a-bro-af69e7d2bd64
https://www.dictionary.com/e/you-guys/
https://www.fastcompany.com/90629391/guys-is-not-gender-neutral-lets-stop-using-it-like-it-is
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/gendered-language-hey-guys_l_5f21b189c5b6b8cd63b0f331
TL;DR: The words "dude" and "guy" can be used in a gender neutral way, and they can be used in a male-gendered way. This is often a dialectical difference in the way diverse regions and cultures use language. The movement towards using "dude" as gender neutral is sexist, as it aims to transform maleness into the default. This movement has not entirely succeeded, many regions and individuals do not accept its change. There are non-sexist gender neutral terms available. You cannot control how someone else will hear your words, because on Lemmy you speak to people all over the world. The word is especially harmful to trans people like myself. Even if you were right that all modern use of the term were gender neutral (you are not), human beings have memories and you cannot ignore history.