Are you ok (really, are you)?

Dr. Coomer@lemmy.world to Asklemmy@lemmy.ml – 217 points –

This time of year is meant to be filled with joy and family get-togethers, but not everyone has family or anything to be happy about. So are you ok?

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I'm not OK. I'm not super un-OK, but this time of year puts me in a dark mood.

I promise I'm not trying to be edgy in saying this, but I fucking HATE the holidays. Everybody puts so much pressure on things being a certain way, especially because it's a religious holiday. I'm atheist, my mom is catholic, my dad is Jewish but agnostic, and my husband's family is some sort of Protestant. I wish I could treat it like a secular holiday, but my mom wants me to go to mass with her, my MIL wants us all to sing carols (fucking why, life isn't a Hallmark movie!), and a polite "no thanks" doesn't cut it, so no matter what I do I'm disappointing someone. I've gotta negotiate with both sides as to whose house we're visiting on each day, and I just don't know.... Every year the stress just gets to me, I can't wait for the holidays to be over. I count down the days until the 26th. The cold weather and lack of sun don't help either.

Also. I just turned 42 this week. Every birthday I've ever had has been xmas-flavored - I can't escape it even for one day. I have a labral tear and femoroacetabular impingement in my right hip which need to be fixed surgically and have been making it really hard to squat and deadlift. And despite being diligent with sun protection, my dermatologist removed yet another mole - this one came back as "moderately precancerous" and they need to do a larger excision. She also suggested I get laser treatments to remove a few age spots on my face. I feel like I'm too young for any of this shit.

I just want a pause button.

Fuck December. You're a champion. This will suck but you'll make it through. Look at all you're already managing successfully. Just bc it's not easy, doesn't mean you're not doing a fantastic job

Thanks friend :)

Takes a village! I've been fighting through a lot of darkness for many years now, with no end in sight for the struggle. Not even inner demon shit,really horrific life shit. I try to remember that we can't always see the top of the mountain, but it's there. And the only thing we can do is have faith that by always moving forward, however slowly, there is salvation at the summit. And if I die before that, fuck it, I won't know :)

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling - but hang in there, I love your philosophy about moving forward!

Thanks! Good thing about the human condition and adaptation is you can normalize some pretty high levels of struggle to being mundane lol

I feel you on hating the holidays. I get so little time off of work that I just want to relax, but the expectations of the holidays make it near impossible. I have 4 siblings and they all have 2-3 kids and them and my mom always try to plan something for Christmas. The problem is we all live at least 4 hours away from each other. It is a logistical nightmare. This year I finally put my foot down and told my family I'm not doing that this year. I also told them not to get anything for my kids because honestly getting presents for 11 nieces and nephews is getting ridiculous. I even told my mom not to come visit because I just can't deal with her histrionic personality disorder right now. Of course, I couldn't put it that way, but to my surprise she actually listened for once.

I do still have to deal with my wife's family coming over, because apparently me saying I don't want to do anything for Christmas means I'm find with doing Christmas stuff on December 23rd. However, beside my wife stressing about making our house completely spotless, her family coming over isn't that bad. They will come over for like half a day and go home, and there is never any drama.

Stay strong, the 26th is only a few days away.

Oh man I sympathize so hard with you. Histrionic moms are the worst because they make everything about them. But good for you for putting your foot down! Hang in there dude.