Opinion | Want employees to return to the office? Then give each one an office

Peaces@infosec.pub to Technology@beehaw.org – 183 points –
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https://archive.ph/TZtIu

cross-posted from: https://derp.foo/post/119697

There is a discussion on Hacker News, but feel free to comment here as well.

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Can I bring my dog to that office? Will it have my fridge there, and my kitchen? I'd also want a teleporter so that there's zero commute time.

I think we're a bit beyond just rebelling against the "open office" concept.

I would settle for just the teleporter, so home is still seconds away. Then I would have a fridge, and private bathroom, and access to my dog.

Can it be like the doors in Monsters Inc? I've got wall space for a door.

(Teleporters, even linked teleporters would be such a game changer)

Fuck that, I don't want my boss coming into my house through a teleporter.

So many employers act like they own their employees as it is.

Maybe if there was a controllable delay on the teleporter...

NOTIFICATION: Your boss has entered the teleporter buffer. Allow materialization? [YES] [NO] [ASK ME AGAIN LATER]

[FACTORY RESET] selected, are you sure? Please do not power off while occupants are in the chamber.

Hey @entropicdrift, I'm sorry to wake you--you looked so peaceful--but do you have the cover page for this TPS report?

teleporters will have keys like vehicles and buildings, to prevent unauthorized access.

I practically would love teleporters. The philosophical issues would keep me from just diving right in though.

Yeah, this take reads like some corpo shit. The advantages of remote work are many, as you mention. It's a red herring to say people don't want to come back because they don't have their own space.

No commute is a giant plus and pretty much makes any return a deal-breaker.

Being in your own space (not space given to you by your company) is another giant plus.

The fact that I can be in the shower 20 mins before that morning meeting is huge.

There's an attack on remote work right now, funded by all those middle managers who feel like they've lost some of the little power they had. Don't buy into the smear campaign. There's never been a clearer benefit to workers. Hell, many of them even designed the systems in place to make it possible (yes, looking at you Zoom -- now you're a joke).