It's a protest. I mean pride itself is a protest for the rights of the LGBTQA+ So like...what!? When did we stop permitting a wide variety of opinions, ideas and expressions? So freakin' bananers.

Aww man, this sounds fucking awful - but 10/10 just accepting myself. Because

a) you know what to look for when you are doing yourself dirty
b) you know what to not accept when others are doing you dirty
c) you know what to fess up over when you do others dirty
d) you can self-regulate within your own control "adulting"
e) you have sooo much less shame about existing

Second most, Adderall XR. It'll knock your ass out at the end of the day, so you're not up at 2 am snickering about something stupid or waking up feeling like some sort of cave-goblin and hating life because you stayed up to 2 am snickering about something stupid. But you gotta figure out what works for you. Also your dosage. Also, don't listen to people on Youtube. Half of them are probably shills, bots or agents of chaos and the majority of people on Youtube (as a whole) suck. They're always trying to sell you something, or be overly dramatic to entertain. But they don't act like real humans. I like weird music and long-form essays and I think without those two being on Youtube I wouldn't touch the place because I can't stand seeing videos with pictures like "WOAH! 100% QUICKER WAY TO REVERSE YOUR WHAT!?" and the person in the picture is going ٩(☉‿☉)ง!!!!

Follow what feels right to you though, you don't have to listen to me. I'm just some asshole on the internet =P

For me, it was a punk ass who would steal stuff and call me his friend. Although I don't really care (only in that indignant small child way), I did tell my partner just the other day that "I bet you his ass is in jail." Well he is, in fact, he's actually in prison for murder. So yeah, that was a thing.

Fuck cheaters. They're pieces of shit. You wanna cheat? Fix your shit, or leave your relationship you human piece of shit.

I wonder if your friend was an addict, an asshole, compulsive, or some combination of the set?

One thing I could mention that was crazy was right after Trump had been elected. I went to the Women's March in Chicago and all kinds showed up. But the crowd that had gathered was more than could be handled, so they shut it down. But then everyone started marching anyways. And we all went in this large square, ending at the Trump Tower. There were so many signs, and even though I had a really basic phone (like actual dumb phone) I pulled off some pictures that I still look back at them in awe. One of the sillier things that happened there were these two white chicks were dancing together on top of trash cans singing negro spirituals and myself and these two black chicks in front of me who were slipping through the crowd all laughed our asses off. Towards the end, my friends and I split and I hopped up into The Cultural Center and looked outwards at the dispersing crowd. And I took a video on my fantastically dumb phone, and it captured so perfectly the chaos of the event paired with the beauty of that city. But it was also so surreal in some way, as I was the only one around at the time. Not even the guards were there. And it was so silent. And I sat in a room filled with quilts, and stared out at the city I loved and felt so much pride for the people who came together to try and show the world that they don't buy Trump's bullshit.

I mean also not to brag, but we scared his ass off when he came through =P! So yeah, it was all really nice to see. And it was completely non-violent. Which I also like, because as protests went on things got grottier and grottier until whole cities were total chaos pits. But it was a nice thing to experience.

Gunna sneak in here, because I clearly don't know when to quit - and say the funniest thing is that up until like...now - where middle class folks are seemingly just as heavy as impoverished folks - I think the reason why so many poor folk were always so heavy is because you literally never get real food. All of it's some processed super high-salt slop that you can't really run off of. And when you're hungry - you don't really run well. And it feels like you're really eating food, but you sure as hell never are. Outside of like...holidays maybe. But even then - it's a lot of canned shit. It's why I am a huge proponent of the "immigrant/fob" diet. Of like - eating simple homecooked meals. Like rice and beans all the way, add a veggie and you're clutch - and an apple for desert? Choice! But yeah, everyone I grew up around was fatter than shit. And it's cause not a soul ever was eating food. And the produce we could get could fit in a deli shelf. And I think about it so often, like - how the fuck does America get away throwing away so much actual food (worked at grocery stores before and we trash a shitton of food) - but we can't be bothered to give real food to a large percentage of our population? It's fucking naners. I bet you this event meant nothing at the time, but floated up like cream when you needed it - and it's funny how stuff works like that retroactively teaching you lessons. Hahahaha! You got this king of kings!

Tech for sure has a race/gender/class issue in America. On a global scale, I can't say much and I know that tech is global. I also know that Nigeria has a solid tech hub in Lagos. But also know that education in general in Nigeria is brutally competitive and very situationally based.

But to be honest, this has long since been an issue with technology. I know it was fluttered all over the net but people have long since known consumer cameras were made with a certain type of complexion in mind. But hilariously the first time I seen AI x racism talked was via Robin Thede (so a skit show) some odd years back. But capitalism gunna cap, and it's crazy that people can't just widen their test range if they're not going to at least offer a seat at the table.

No thank you! Ugh.

Blue collar accidents are unbelievably horrible because they show you the limitations of our fleshy bodies against pretty much any other element.

I once learned that there's seemingly two types of people in this world. People who laugh at other's pain, and people who see someone's hurt and go to them. The cruelest dips I've ever met are the laughers. The biggest hearts, of course the helpers. I have tried to make sense of it. Like...well laughing is how we handle things that challenge us so that it makes us feel better. But I really think maybe it really boils down to this. And I am sorry people literally took your happiness away from something you loved. Fuck bullies! You speak that truth there though, life is too short for that bs.

That's the thing that's messed up when people say crap like stealing is a moral imperative or people who steal think "they'll be alright, they'll just go get a new _." Of which I have seen both said in my lifetime. There is something that breaks when someone crosses your boundaries in a way that completely blindsides you. I don't really care what it is, but more often than not it's almost like it steals your faith in humanity. And that, you can work on getting back but it's never the same as it once was. Bug hugs, sorry you had to have your baby done like that. Assholes gunna ass. Ugh.

A masterclass in being human =)

This is huge, and congratulations. I was talking earlier with my partner about how addiction is a social disease. And how drinking seems like this coming of age event that's intertwined with fun and sex. But there's a lot of people who never can walk away from that space and it's just killing people.

Also people don't see how damaging it is as compared to other addictions. But I legit had a friend who had to move away and live out of a shelter because the drinking was killing them. And they're working two jobs just to make the cut, but they're so much happier and healthier now than they were when they were in active addiction.

I'm glad you got the help you needed and I hope it stays that way. You got this!

That super sucks, especially the timing. I'm sorry. I hope you're in a better place now?

Counter craziness - have you ever thought it might be younger richer kids from your area? Cause my girlfriend got shit kicked all the time for being the "poorer" person in a stinkingly rich area. And I think some rich kids are outright psychos. Either way, it sounds fucked. Did you guys end up moving ever? Or like...getting a dog. Cause dogs get thieves to fuck off.

*** Dogs got thieves to fuck off. Idk if they do anymore.

**** p.p.s. - Knew one other person who's ma (single parent) went from a nurse of some sort to a lawyer and they leveled up like crazy income-wise. But they were also targeted because of their social standing and their whole life fell apart. They are most def not doing well, even now.

I didn't know this, on account of like not knowing a lot of land owners. But I did know one (for sure), and they had some property that unfortunately burnt down. It was more economically sound for them to keep the place an empty lot with a guard and a gate than to build something back up. I think that's naners. But also the whole situation was some kind of nanas.

I heard the same thing for landlords in the past. That having the property in any state is better than having to reinvest that cash into upkeep. So you don't particularly care about the renter's life quality, as much as you care that they keep floating money up to you and not complaining as things fall apart around them. And keeping people in crisis mode is a great way to counter any sort of counter-measures they can bring down on you. But also keeping public support organizations under-budget and overwhelmed is a solid way of sending the message "you're on your own."

I know it's kinda like a learned helplessness thing - but when everything around you is shit, and you're trying your best and just keep sinking - it's tough to fight assholes. But this is all er...my thoughts on the matter. I don't know anything definitively. Just figured they're banking that property until it's time to sell. And anything that goes into it - is money that cuts overall profits.

I don't believe we had any right to be there. While I don't know too many war veterans, a handful I met were absolutely head fucked from going to war. They went in wanting money for school, and they came out feeling like they got scammed all the way. Or fucked up permanently from some accident. Only one I ever met who was a decent human being that wasn't bitter was a cop. And I swear to god he walked the line because he was a cop. And 10/10 he was a good guy. But I would hate everything. I would scorch the Earth around me and walk with tears. I come from a military family, but was so very gay. Which stopped me from enlisting. And I am so thankful that my queer ass stayed out because I for sure would have been destroyed had I enlisted. Big hugs, and big sorrows. If you have the ability and the heart, you should find a way to spread your story. Through some kind of publication. Something that can be documented. Perhaps not now, but even when you're older (I know a lot of people tend to share their stories that could get them in trouble later in life to sort of gloss over mitigation). They're important to share, because you witness the atrocities of man. I didn't grow up during the AIDS crisis, but in hearing the stories passed on it really changed my feelings about the world and the way it works. I am still moved by the stories, as I am moved by yours. So I hope you get a chance to share on a larger scale at some point in your life. And that it doesn't harm you too much in doing so. Safe healing, tender heart.

I've always laughed at how people can buy cool. This was a great story to read though. I'm not sure how dark it was outside, but the first time I ever entered relative outdoor darkness it was off-putting for me. Maybe that's what happened. But it also shows how powerful the imagination can be, when the brain bin shuts down and adrenaline takes the reins.

Aww man, I'd be six feet under. Ugh. Not saying kill yourself, just saying I feel your exhaustion coming through the screen. On the plus side, you are explicitly forming the hope of the future. And that's pretty cool. And when they're grown, and hopefully they're doing well - I really hope you feel pride through all the pain and exhaustion. Cause you did something/and are doing something phenomenal. I hope you've got some solid support?

So tired of all these buildings, that look the same inside and out. I really love the small details that reigned throughout older architecture. Not sure when they dipped out, but probably in the 70s? I am going to guess a lot of the handiwork I've admired is probably from the 1930s and before. But also I am not in Europe, I am in America. So I only know the architecture inspired by the og stuff (because I haven't been yet, but will go someday I'd imagine - health and $$$ permitting). I actually do like some post-modern stuff very much. I am not sure what these new complexes are in style, but they're like...capitalist modern. They feel soulless, tacky, and outright awful. People applaud them for adding multi-unit living spaces to cities, but who can afford to live there? And renting them feels like Russian Roulette thanks to market priced leasing. Eh. EH! Getting grumpy thinking about it.

So let's talk about these cool cat styles I've seen. American gothic styles, everything feels like your soul is damned and those little gargoyles are coming to get you. Choice! Neo-classical, where am I - in ROMA!? Marble, nice shiny and smooth marble. Don't like it on kitchen countertops, but man it's some kind of beautiful on monuments and other important buildings. Plus you feel like you're tap dancing 24/7. Art deco - man how these buildings take up space. I once seen a custom built art deco house that made me want to slap somebody cause it was so beautiful. Took a picture and I still have that mugger fugger where as so many have fallen off. Dream house! Dream style. Some kinda wonderful. Everything looks like the Emerald City. This style knows how to command space. And nothing needs to be this extravagant, but it is. And I like that. It's kinda like - you smell the cologne/perfume on this one. It's ritzy. Hell it might have literally been the reason for the invention of the word. Classy!

I like Prairie school stuff too but it's just kinda like if you took Japanese architecture and smashed it together with post-modern ideas. Eh! It's cool though.

Also I've always figured that if we're nature infinitely attempting to recreate itself - that buildings are just like...trees/hollows. So we're just making a bunch of steel trees. Meh!

Enjoy this word diarrhea. Enjoy it good.

This is tmi, and fucked up - but I have ptsd from a shooting and have trouble with stuff like...loud bass and sudden bangs still. But right after it happened, I couldn't trust a fucking soul. Cause I was all sorts of messed up in the head, and I am so thankful for those that pulled me out. One being my therapist, who I found on Open Path. But either way, in time I realized that I didn't even know how to trust myself anymore because I was so fucked up. And when I worked on that, I felt like I could trust others again...to a point. Never like I used to. Because I straight used to be pure heart on my sleeve. But I did get back to being able to trust as a whole, and that helped with a lot of other things. While I am not 100% better, and might never be (idk, I just take it one day at a time) - I am like way better than I was when I was in the thick of it all.

Also it sucks you feel like you lost your dreams. But perhaps it's time to re-evaluate what that is, if it's worth pursuing or if it's something worth laying down. Because sometimes some stuff is straight up a situation of place and time and whether we like it or not - it's just worth letting go of it otherwise it drives us crazy. You sound like a realist - how you type. But also clearly a dreamer (cause you wouldn't have dreams if you weren't). So maybe figure out a way to combine the two to reconnect yourself to happiness.

As for finding friends? Eh, I used to be able to make them pretty easily. Some fall off, some don't. An ex told me she was once told by a person who is no longer with us (cancer) that people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I recently had to come to terms with pretty much losing my best friend. Who I grew up with, and have walked through so much life with. But he's on a different path than me, and we've just split at the seams. And there's only so much reaching out you can do, before it's just something you let go. It hurt, but I think ultimately it is what it is. Still makes me sad, but what can I do about it? There was no dramatic fight, or event or anything. He just sort of drifted off. And it is what it is.

I have heard volunteering can connect you to new folks. Back when I did (I'm focusing on my health right now so that door is closed for me) I will say that I met some cool folks but I didn't really make any deep connections so I'm not sure if that's 100% true. I do know that friends you can make online can become something far deeper. As I used to run a forum, and still stay connected to a handful of folks I met there. So perhaps that'd be the best place to start. Because it's low-commitment and high-gain if you hit it off with someone. Focus on things you enjoy and branch off from there. GL, and never forget to love yourself. Because that helps all the rest of the pieces fall together.

Hotdogs are deadly weapons in the hands of those not-prepared. I have def chucked a dog or two. No worries, shitting your pants is embarrassing but you more than likely did it because you were sick. And bodies dgaf about social scenarios if they're unwell.

I don't like people floating weed as this innocuous thing. I've met some really shitty potheads. But I also know that I've more than likely met a bunch of grounded regular smokers too. I don't think people should go to jail for it, but I def think it brings out some really awful characteristics in some folks. But that's just me. I mean when it's legal (cause it most def will be her cross-country at some point) I think people will start talking about it the same way they talk about alcohol. Because some folks will drown themselves in it. But also hopefully at that time, we might also start addressing our horrendous food situation too. Shrugs.

Or all be dead from global warming. Eh.

But yeah, fuck that dude.

Big hugs =(!

While I don't have kids, I did live next to methheads for a good chunk of change and they wrecked my sleep and I think they made my brains go further cuckoo and for sure aged me up. Sleep is such an integral part of existing, I hope they calm down soon and you get some solid zzzs. Perhaps naps might help? I am not sure, and I don't know how much you take care of - or if a partner is in the picture - and how much they take care of? But either way I'm sorry it sucks so much. I hear it's worth it big picture =)

Isn't it fucked up how much life can crush you when you have absolutely zero agency you can flex. Have you heard about Open Path yet? Cause you can give it a look and see if you vibe with anyone. You might be able to find someone that can assist you on your journey of healing. There's also some kind of really solid freebie group therapy system online. But I absolutely do not have the name. Someone else might. It's like a series of groups you can grow including domestic violence and complex ptsd. The only thing I want to say is be careful around substances, because it's really easy to fall into them but you never fall out even if you step back from them. And the way street drugs are nowadays you're never getting what you think you are. Also, I don't know what gender or age you are specifically - but I do know that a lot of young hurt men can be at higher risk for self harm. So if you notice anything creeping into your system, try your best to reach out for help. Even if you don't say it, just crowd your time with others and it'll pass. Either way, what I did with the things I strongly disagreed with between my folks was I just attempted (and still do) to do the opposite of the thing I disliked. Step-parents can be real pieces of shit, because what skin do they have in the game? At least, if they don't want to. You're just free-labor. I watched my younger sibling become that to a certain someone in my life, and to this day I don't know how a grown ass adult can be so stupid to lord over a kid like that.

Just try and stay strong, utilize any services you can - no shame. Break down big goals into smaller achievable actions. And if you are disabled in any sort of way, know there's also services that can assist you through getting...assistance =P! Also no shame in temp agencies, if you have the means to get around. Lastly, all things can be replaced or live on in your head. But you cannot be replaced. So no matter what you lose, it's all just stuff. I've lost so much crap over the span of my life. I don't care anymore. I pack light, live light - and actually feel wealthier for it - because I can move at the drop of a dime if I want and I don't feel bogged down by THINGS! Which is a blessing in these modern times. Sometimes I get sad about some of the things I've lost. But I made a conscious decision to keep a small assembly of things that are meaningful to me that I can slide into a backpack and don't take up too much space. And you might want to put something together like that too. Because it's really nice to go back and see decades of stuff from people I love who may or may not exist anymore or little magpie things from events.

Oh, one last thing. Backsliding hurts, but as long as you keep going you can make it through. But also make sure you do nice things to restore your energy cause it fucking sucks to get dragged for so long only to get dragged again. It makes you want to give up and sink. But it's worth the fight, trust. And if you're younger than thirty - things get so much better in your thirties. Idk? Because I sure as shit am not in that much a different space than in my twenties. But I for sure feel better as a whole. Even though my body is in a constant battle to crush me. Which, btw - please address your pain as best as you can because this shit will kill you one way or another and I don't think I would ever be as sick as I was had I not been picking up stress without putting other bits down. So GL, GJ - You got this! Keep going!

*p.s. - Moms don't get in trouble for kidnapping I don't think. But also I heard that most amber alerts are due to a parent kidnapping their own kid most times. But all kidnapping situations are totally shit - and I wish they didn't exist on the real.

Hey either way I thank you and my mom said it was absolutely amazing what you said and she's totally happy =)

So, smooches! For making my mama happy =)

Oh no, freakin' COVID! I swear it eats up your mind like a zombie - stay strong. Don't let it winnnnnnn! (And by that I mean rest as much as you can but also eat and drink what you can)

a) Why did I miss the Eartbound and Telltale conversations. Boo!

b) The first Animal Crossing played via the purple purse will always have my heart. It's the best of the best and I remember staying up wayyyyy to late with my buddies beautifying our town and searching for ghosts. The only other one I ever played was the - wait that was a lie - I have actually played two. The only other one I remember playing was the one on Nintendo DS. A friend tossed me their old DS and my sibling tossed me some games - this included (and Rhythm Tengoku being one of the other ones. I absolutely do not remember any other games. Wait, lied again - I played one with Sudoku). But I didn't really dig it, or the DS as a whole. I don't think I like multiple screens for much of anything, and even work on a single monitor to this day. I also clearly don't love resistive touch screens and felt the little stylus was fiddly and hard to use. But it was more of a game as a whole. Just not for me.

Then covid happened, my gal got a switch and I played the new AC a bit while she ran around as Link. Eh, I literally don't even remember it. I might have aged out, or it might just be my disinterest in non-turn based games (which is pretty much my bread and butter now because I don't want a game to be able to dictate how and when I play it). It was much more forgiving than the old stuff. Idk where the HELL the gyroids were - but they might be in the game now. We were in some kind of tropical paradise (I believe!?) which I dug from an islander perspective. But as a whole, just didn't really care.

But I kind of feel that way about most "cozy" games nowadays. And it's funny, because I play games to "turn my brain off" so it's not that aspect. It's just that I think there's some weird brain-drain infantilization of the masses and that these games are kinda like the binkies of the brain. But there are some real pros to these types of games as whole. I think they give certain individuals a lot of structure, things to do that make them feel successful, and individuals to form relationships with. Like, give this game to an older individual who's open to playing them, and I think they'd go ham. Give this game to individuals who have certain qualities that society tends to push to the fringes - and I think it'd also be great. To be honest, Animal Crossing is about 700x less goofy than The Sims - even with its pastel graphics and chibi forms. But a lot of these games as a whole radiate kind of a toxic-positivity that I just don't vibe with. Especially when we know statistically a lot of developers - let alone GAME developers are terribly depressed.

And like, there's a light to looking to the bright side - eating potato chips - etc. Like there's a nice side to getting real basic sometimes. Especially when your brain is on fire (for whatever reason). It's probably why I play select games repetitively until it's akin to eating only peanut butter sandwiches 100xs over and get tired of them. You don't have to learn new systems really, and you're never truly challenged. Or if you are, because you're familiar with the mechanics of the game you can just ride the wave - get the dopamine and turn off. But 10/10 I don't think it's the healthiest thing to indulge in all the time. But that's just my opinion and pretty much every Nintendo made game (let alone games like Stardew) have cult followings because they really touch people where they need it.

So it is what it is. But also, on Stardew - I played it a long time ago. I had fun, then I had an okay time, now if you stick me in front of a crafting game of any kind I will burn you at the stick. The original Harvest Moon is/was (eh, debatable) one of my favorite games. It's cute, but it's also dirt-brown like a potato. It's ultra simple, kindness coins bs. I don't have to see a single portrait of anyone I am talking to. I don't really even have to give a poop about talking to anyone. I can just farm and care for my grumpy cows and chill. All while cleaning a massive field that I will never fully utilize. By this I am saying - Stardew even is too much for me. It kinda feels creepy to me too. Like it has the secret smugness and hoity-toity crap I hate so much about Seattle. And being the emotional creature I am - if I am not digging something it really takes a lot to sway me in the other direction. But the big picture reason why I put all of this is because I am clearly not the audience of either game in these modern times. So big reason why I wanted to post any of this is to say AC1 - yes! AC++!? Eh.

Just a heads up it unfortunately isn't this game =

Big sads, do you feel like you gained your network back? Or is it still limping since pre-Covid days? Also, if you believe in these concepts and feel like sharing - do you consider yourself more of an introvert or an extrovert?

Also as a whole, have you found that your social network differs wildly from cis individuals? By that I mean, when I came out I lost a significant chunk of my own. And in living most of what I have now is either reclaimed (reunited in time) or self-gathered (found-family).

Big love, soul sister!

That's fucking miserable. Jesus christ? Genetics!?!? Idk. I mean what do you even do in this situation? I know they fix that shoulder joint. But idk if they fix that back part. But Jesus! I can't see your name when replying but you wouldn't magically happen to be that person that I talked to in the dancing molecules article chit-chat? Cause if you are, and you're still lined up for surgery god bless. If not, and there is some kinda treatment I hope somebody's got your back and you've got a little time you can point towards that. Ooph. This hurt to read.

Yeah, it's mad crazy how normalized homophobia is in a lot of cultures. I once saw some well of folks complaining that we don't need Pride anymore. And while they were having fun stroking each other's egos they seemed to have missed the mark that there are people losing their lives and homes over this stuff to this day. So eh. But it's beauitufl, those moments when you see people are people are people.

A fun-tastic little shit blow-up I had two seconds ago at a certain pizza human (*On here, not at some freakin' service worker) showed me that even though I age I am still the same little shit throwing monkey. There's a super indulgent breakup song called Keep Your Name where the singer points out that his ex was changing and he's always just felt the same. To be honest, no matter what I've been through I always just seem to be the same. Same! Me - I don't know if that means I have just an absolutely solid sense of self, I am a wretched asshole, or there's just all types in this world. And yes, I understand that people change no matter what. That's life, you will change as you grow. Things will be added, things will be taken, and some stuff transforms. But I have a habit of writing out lists of things that I want and the overarching themes and idealisms have always been the same. Even my diet, while shifting here and there - always seems to be based off the same set wants (I am a chronic veggie lover, it's really a problem). I have always found this very funny as a whole, because I cannot stay static as a person. Not sure if you're heard (or figured it out) but I am ADHD as fuck. And even medicated, I crave that sweet, sweet chaos of change. Yet I seem to be me -> being me -> being me -> being me. It boggles my mind. Shrugs?

You're going to be okay. It might fucking suck right now, but you'll be okay. I am not sure if it is still around, but there is a thing tied to everyone's social security that can give you a free-education under x-amount of dollars ($30k?) training underutilized individuals w/ higher education and the trades. You could be a CNA if you've got the openess to it, you can do CNC training, you can do radiology tech stuff, dog grooming. You could do workforce at a local college. Maybe get a cert in wastewater which pays well. Or idk, robotics. It's factory work, but it also pays well. It's kinda like CNC from what I hear. You can do some freecodecamp.org on the low or Odin Project if you've got the time. I think following a class would be a lot safer, because you are kind of forced to a rythm over self-study. I wish I had more, but I know this much! Oh phlebotomy as well, you can study that. An ex of mine was fucked and then studied medical billing. They followed jobs across the US (recruiters) and ended up super wealthy. So that's pretty cool.

For some people it's really clear what they want and where they're going. And for others it shifts. It sounds like you knew what you wanted, and then realized it wasn't working. You can give up on art, but you know...you can find others to make art with who are fuck-faces. I have found sharing the joy of creativity sparks more. I'm making an equisite corpse with someone right now, but if you wanna make one too - I'd totally be down. Whatever medium, I don't care. Just let me know.

I'm around =)

Haha! I realized I forgot to see if you had responded or not. Sneaking back. Sneakily. I'm glad you got the lot back, even if the faces have changed. Queers of all ages need assistance, flowing up and down - because it's not like we work with a solid roadmap. We're just like...really, really good improvisers =P!

Yoooo, to hard - you go so damn hard! Hahaha! You're a roller-derbier? My rail thin ex would play, she got into it after that one movie with Elliot Page. Even though we're worlds apart it's comforting to know she's out there kicking people's asses (and could kick mine, if she needed). You guys are pretty much the coolest, hardest women alive. So kudos. Also on the park running. My partner just keeps moving us to more and more rural spaces. I think it's driving me batty, but I love her like business. NGL though, I keep nudging her back towards the cities. Cause mama need that social cheese! But I am thankful I've got a handful of love bugs that I hope to carry with me for the rest of my time on this planet that keep me a float with all their loving.

It's funny though, between you me (and the world I guess...hi!) I would have hands-down classified myself as an extrovert. A ravenous one as well. But to be honest, I spent the first x-odd years of my life not saying a thing. Then when I came out, people said I'd never get gals if I didn't open my mouth. And so I freakin' sang. I'm still a total cheese, but things have changed as I've gotten older. I've been thinking about classifying myself as a social introvert instead. But also, and this is the part that still kinda smarts, I've been battling a shitty-kake of thing that has really affected my energy levels. Like, you wake up and you never know what level your pain is going to be at or if your body is going to co-operate or not. And it's really affected the way I interact with others on the whole, because it takes so much more effort to reach that base "me." But before? I was a tour-de-force. Which kinda is what makes things stink. But I also have been practicing some big-time radical acceptance and haven't been peeling off my face for stuff that's outta my control you know? Like, it is what it is. And that helps with a lot of things.

But also, I guess on the cheekier side of things (muwhaha) I get some smiles over the fact that I got to live my big queerventure and have gotten to love so many fantastic people and hear their stories and share moments with them. And like, a lot of people don't even get a taste of that. So I am really thankful for that, and in that sense it really puts a smile on my face no matter what happens in the end. I mean, also I've got a gal who loves me, and is sticking with me through all this crunchy shit. So that's cool too =)!

p.s. - Big love soul sister <3~!

Depression is a bitch. I hope you can find some reprieve in other pleasures than imagining not existing somewhere down the line. I have a friend who got shocks and is much happier since. If you have the resources, and many other things failed to help - you might want to look into ECT. But also, yet again - not a doctor. Just saying I saw it actually help someone who had a lot of trouble existing. But also, there are a thousand different constructive roads to take ahead of that point. GL!

Yooo! You're treating your dog thing by HAVING DOGS! Hahahaha, I love it! I wish I could get behind either. Dogs kinda freak me out, because I have sensory issues with drool and I hate sudden noises. And cats, I'm just unfortunately allergic. But never really dug them, because one scratched up my face as a little ninja. Ducks though, that's something different. My friend from Ohio is the only other person I know who's had them. Two to be exact. But that's really something different.

Sounds like you've got land, which is a nice thing to have. And time, which is also good stuff. I don't know too much about horses, but my partner says there's a primal connection between horses and humans. Says there's nothing like riding a horse on this planet. Gotta be wonderful. Sounds like you're in a good space. Perhaps consider finding a mentee, so that you can share going both ways. There's a lot of wonderful individuals inside of organizations who might have the fixins for greater but get stuck because they can't seem to get a leg up. If you can think of anyone in that boat, consider reaching out and forming a relationship. This is going to sound absolutely awful, but I think being a mentor looks quite good as well. Because it requires a series of characteristics which are desirable in the world of business. But it also is a solid act, because you get to repay the favor that someone might have lent to you. Either way, I hope you enjoy your horse when you get them a couple of years down the road =)!

Yeah, that's true. I once read an essay by a dyke who was a construction worker and wondered what life would be like if people just did the work they were interested in and everyone got paid a flat rate. I'm not sure it would work, but it is something to think on.

Hey, on the plus side - you heard an honest complaint and did your best to fix up what you agreed with. That's more than most. But also, time heals (most) wounds, and in that sense I hope that things have patched up on her end. It was probably something both of you got to learn from, and it's big you did. Especially the power of communication - which absolutely should sit hellllaaaaaaaaa front seat. GJ! You dun-did good =)

Hahaha! Knew it was split-tongue before you said it. I said, this witchy human either went with horns or split tongue but one of these things are bumps, and the other is a split-freakin' tongue! What method did you go through to get it? My ex, who was a tattoo artist split hers a hundred years before with a spool of thread. And when it started to heal a hundred years later I was given my own front-row seat to an Ichi the Killer moment. Which wasn't all that fun, but definitely sits in my head as one of the more fucked up things I've ever witness first-hand. But yeah, she could move things independently and that always freaked people out. But I am such a weirdo, it just idk. I just literally didn't give a shit for or against. It was just her, and that's just how things were. People always wanna make pussy jokes (or head jokes, whatever) but like I literally could not give a shit either way -because that's her body and her choice and you know more power to her doing whatever she wants with her body.

I am glad you found yourself though. I think most performers of your nature gain a true freedom that most dream of. At least every fire twirler I've ever met are quite happy, open, and insanely supportive individuals so big ups and big love <3~!

Hope you're doing okay and face is healed up as much as you want it to be. Tbh, dogs freak me out too. Which is a shame, because I dig them in theory. But in actuality, I am not really here for two of the major pets of this world. Which is a shit situation to be in, and I can't even imagine how shit it must be now that everyone's out here taking their dogs around everywhere. I hope you've got some solid help =/!

Get that college money =)! It's big. You know, idk if you're family promoted it or anything but it really does seem to be the secret to stability. I mean, you might not be a Rockefeller. But it really does help expand your chances for a better life.