This toilet paper at my work

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Capitalism and its consequences have been a disaster for the human anus

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I did the exact same. I never want to go back. Though Ill be honest, I have never tried sliced bread on the anus.

To be fair, it probably feels luxurious.

I only use artisan sourdough personally

Artisan Sourdough often has a chewier crumb than sandwich bread and the crust is harder. Sounds like it would be murder on the under carriage