You can have anything you wan...

Cows Look Like Maps@sh.itjust.works to Programmer Humor@programming.dev – 782 points –
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Why limit yourself like that? Just say "All languages". Depending on how liberally you interpret the word "language", you know know just about everything.

At that point just go for omniscience.

Too far. I don’t need to know all that.

Oh you don't want to know exactly how many pubes your grandmother shed in her lifetime? You don't care to know what the sewage of tasted like in London on Sunday, the 16th of July 1882? You don't burn with desire to learn what it feels like to get your viscera torn out by a hungry lion?

Weak!

A few million. Nasty, with hints of corn and bean. Painful and, oddly, quite exhilarating. Knowing doesn't equate to experiencing.

I dunno. You’d know exactly what it looks and smells like too, and what it’d feel like on your tongue. Depends on how vivid your imagination is.

I can’t visualise things, but when people ask me to “visualise an apple” I can feel the waxy exterior, the crispness (or gumminess of an old apple), the slightly floral scent before you bite into it, what it sounds like, etc.

Can’t fucking visualise it to save my life though.

I can imagine sensation if I want, but as a 'for instance,' I know I don't like some foods because of certain sensations, but don't have to perceive them when I remember why. I can't imagine that most people aren't the same, or we'd have a lot more people gagging randomly as they walk around. Sure, some people will be slightly perturbed if you mention certain things, like fecal matter, horrible farts, the feeling of biting down on aluminum.... but those perturbations pass in moments.

Interesting! There’s a particular type of fabric I cannot stand, and every time I think of it I get the sensation of touching it. Doing my best to not fling my phone away.

I'm already a loner but omniscience would seal the deal.

You’d be one hell of a schmoozer as you’d know exactly what to say to people to connect with them.

Fuck programming then, I'll go read ancient Egyptian or some not-yet-deciphered crap. On the other hand, I bet it's not that different from APL

APLSC_matrix-3547335466

My old man told me he took one programming language in college and it was APL. Having looked at APL since becoming a software dev myself, I can understand why he hated it.

It's just so gross and hard to read

On the other hand, which do you prefer, this:

 life ← {⊃1 ⍵ ∨.∧ 3 4 = +/ +⌿ ¯1 0 1 ∘.⊖ ¯1 0 1 ⌽¨ ⊂⍵}

or this:

 MODE UNIVERSE = [upb OF class universe, upb OF class universe]BOOL; STRUCT( INT upb, BOOL lifeless, alive, PROC(REF UNIVERSE)VOID init, PROC(REF UNIVERSE)STRING repr, PROC(REF UNIVERSE, INT, INT)VOID insert glider, PROC(REF UNIVERSE)VOID next ) class universe = ( # upb = # 50, # lifeless = # FALSE, # alive = # TRUE, # PROC init = # (REF UNIVERSE self)VOID: FOR row index FROM LWB self TO UPB self DO init row(self[row index, ]) OD, # PROC repr = # (REF UNIVERSE self)STRING:( FORMAT cell = $b("[]", " ")$, horizon = $"+"n(UPB self)("--")"+"l$; FILE outf; STRING out; associate(outf, out); putf(outf, (horizon, $"|"n(UPB self)(f(cell))"|"l$, self, horizon)); close(outf); out ), # PROC insert glider = # (REF UNIVERSE self, INT row, col)VOID:( self[row-2, col+1] := TRUE; self[row-1, col+2] := TRUE; self[row, col:col+2] := (TRUE, TRUE, TRUE ) ), # PROC next = # (REF UNIVERSE self)VOID:( [0:2, LWB self-1:UPB self+1]BOOL window;  # init row(window[LWB window, ]); window[LWB self, 2 LWB window] := window[LWB self, 2 UPB window] := window[UPB window, 2 LWB window] := window[UPB window, 2 UPB window] := lifeless OF class universe;  window[LWB self, LWB self:UPB self] := self[LWB self, ]; FOR row FROM LWB self TO UPB self DO REF []BOOL next row = window[(row+1) MOD 3, ]; IF row NE UPB self THEN next row[LWB self:UPB self] := self[row+1, ] ELSE init row(next row) FI; FOR col FROM LWB self TO UPB self DO INT live := 0;  FOR row FROM row-1 TO row+1 DO REF[]BOOL window row = window[row MOD 3, ]; FOR col FROM col-1 TO col+1 DO IF window row[col] THEN live +:= 1 FI OD OD; self[row, col] := IF window[row MOD 3, col] THEN live -:=  live = 3 FI OD OD ) );