Why do people around me tend to increase their responsibility load (i.e. have children, become a manager, do charity, etc.) while I (30M) try to avoid it as much as I can?

humbletightband@lemmy.dbzer0.com to No Stupid Questions@lemmy.world – 382 points –
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@humbletightband essentially it's because more responsibility leads to more power.

Specifically, people are interested in having more power over outcomes eg avoiding hunger, discomfort, loneliness etc.

Edit: I don't mean this in a bad or selfish way, though reading back over it I can see how it could come across like that. I'm talking about having more agency and control over aspects of life for yourself and others.

That includes, say, helping with humanitarian causes.

Do you think society would get to the point it is if everyone just wanted more power for selfish reasons? I think it's more to do with the feeling of fulfillment that comes with responsabilities. Helping people feels good, even when you get nothing in return. Unless you expect something in return, then we're playing a different game. But your outlook on life seems pretty bleak my friend.

I don't think it's necessarily bleak or selfish though, it might just be overly succinct. Sure, you can look at it as wanting power purely for selfish reasons, but I think they just boiled it down to the most basic aspect of "more responsibilities = more power = the ability to do more". You can use it however you want, hopefully altruistically, but at the end of the day a pure altruist who is well connected person with unlimited financial resources can help a lot more people than if they were broke and destitute on the edge of starvation.

maybe, but i see quite a few similar reactions in this thread that make me wanna leave this place. its just slowly starting to sink in for me that lemmy is a lefty echo chamber and its basically the same 20 posts rehashed every week by people with worldviews like this. how tf can anyone expect to change anything without hope. Idk man, im just dumping my thoughts but i think im gonna get the hell off this platform and anything similar because it's not having a positive effect on me.

That's not just Lemmy, it's all of social media that isn't focused on people's self-promotion (Instagram, LinkedIn etc). The leftist stuff is fairly accurate, but that's not a big deal to me.

Social media algorithms have driven the content engagement, and they figured out that controversy and anger drives the most engagement, so that's what the algorithms tend to push to drive engagement, to get more ad revenue and data from people spending more time on their platforms.

@RaoulDook I don't think we have that kind of algorithm here, thankfully.

The person you're replying to fundamentally misunderstood my comment though.

@wathek I'm really bummed out that my comment made you want to leave!!

@skyspydude1 is right, I was just trying to point out to OP that the old saying "with power comes responsibility" actually cuts both ways and taking on more responsibility gives many people more agency and control over their lives.

how tf can anyone expect to change anything without hope.

I'm still kind of reeling here because I was trying to be encouraging not despairing. I think maybe the word "power" might have some negative connotation for you?

Cards on the table, I think the old Christian binary between altruism (good) and self-interest (bad) does us all a huge disservice. Helping others altruistically and making the world a better place is in our own best interests. We're all humans together.

No i didn't mean it like that, i'm sorry. It's more of a reaction to the general vibe i get off lemmy while im in a period of trying to debug by brain. I probably misread what you actually meant. Most of lemmy is just frustrated and sad about things we have little control over. It's more the general thread reminding me of healthy ways of thinking vs the rest of lemmy. your comment just happened to be where i was thinking out loud. sorry ><

@wathek thanks. I think it was a misunderstanding caused by my poor communication.

I'm sorry that's been your experience here. It's been very different for me - I was previously on reddit and saw a lot of negativity and cynicism and despair over there. And outright meanness, shills etc.

Kbin/lemmy has made me feel much more revitalised and optimistic, I contribute way more content here, but also somehow have more free time, and I've become a bit more active in my community and local/national politics IRL as well. I feel like I'm really reconnecting with that side of life.

Unfortunately Lemmy isn't that for you, but I hope you find somewhere that is.

@wathek woah I think we're having a misunderstanding. I don't think it's "selfish" to want to have more power/control over outcomes???

One of the things @humbletightband was asking about was why people volunteer. I was responding to that part as much as anything else in the comment.

Helping people feels good

Yes it does, especially if you actually do help them. That's effecting change though. Stepping up gives you more power to actually change the world for the better, at least for the people you help. That's what I'm getting at.

Specifically, people are interested in having more power over outcomes eg avoiding hunger, discomfort, loneliness etc.

And in many cases we need to acknowledge that this is a good thing. Everyone should be empowered to have more control and more autonomy. The problem is not everyone is afforded that luxury.

@whoisearth yes I meant it as a good thing. Control and power to effect changes we want in the world are good things.

I've had to go back and edit my comment because some people seem to have taken it in a very different spirit to how it was intended.