Dysphoria becoming worse
Just venting a bit.
I expected that dysphoria will increase with more euphoria but not this fast. Before, I had dysphoria because of my presentation, fat distribution and chest but things that didn't bother me at all started to feel wrong and I just want to get rid of them. This mainly includes body hair, genitals and facial hair.
I also need more euphoria. At this point I put on feminine clothes every time I go to the bathroom (it's the only place where I have complete privacy). It seems like I'll have to buy some women's underwear to feel more comfortable (so far I only put on my mom's clothes that is going to washing machine). I'm kinda scared to go and buy it myself, ordering online is pretty risky until I come out.
Some places that you can order from online have discreet packaging options. Lingerie stores can be intimidating for sure, especially if you're boy moding. If you have any girl friends who are supportive, you can ask them to go with you. Truth be told, a lot of cis women go to lingerie/bra stores with their friends because the whole thing can be kinda intimidating anyway. Do what feels safe.
Try getting some feminine cut but otherwise androgynous clothes, can always try Walmart and other simpler and less expensive stores to try out different fits and sizes without having to go into change rooms. Sports bras and cute panties can be very euphoria inducing when you're not able to present much otherwise. Sorry that you're having such a hard time :( ❤️ I hope the rest of your day you're able to relax and get some peace of mind.
It's okay to be scared, I still am when I go shopping in the ladies section.
You'll get there, it's just a matter of time~<3
Hell, I used to feel terrified to shop in the men's section. Now it feels like second nature.
Dysphoria increased for me when I finally confronted I was trans. Women in general are under intense pressure to conform to femininity and certain gender norms, so all that internalized sexism seemed to act like gasoline to my dysphoria, turning it from a fire to a conflagration.
Dysphoria increasing when you accept yourself is quite common. Often, it's because we had this vague feeling of discomfort that is hard to identify, but after we come out and accept our need to transition, our dysphoria stops being vague. Once we accept ourselves, we can't hide from the things that are hurting us as well.
But the other side of that coin is that even though it can often get worse to start with, it's also what you need to do to be able to resolve that discomfort and do something about it! You're on a path, and it's got lots of bumps and brambles, but it will ultimately get you closer to where you need to be