How do I tame my frustration toward my aging parents?

Favrion@lemmy.world to No Stupid Questions@lemmy.world – 198 points –

My parents are 57 and 63. My mother is erratic, forgetful, and when she gets mad she sometimes screams and throws things. My father is slowly going deaf, getting slower and more stubborn and forgetful as well. They can be infuriating sometimes, but I know that they're aging and I can't be mad at them. How do I deal with this, especially early on in preparation for further down the road?

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Speaking as a 57 year old, it seems odd that they're both having cognitive problems. As you might guess, most of my friends are around my age and literally zero of them are in any kind of decline like that.

Out of curiosity, do your parents have a carbon monoxide monitor in their home? IANAD but it's my understanding that long term, low level CO poisoning can lead to symptoms like you're describing.

Simple iron deficiency can also lead to rapid mental decline, and is very easily remedied.

Or B12 deficiency?

B12 deficiency causes iron deficiency

No, b12 deficiency causes anaemia, not iron deficiency. it's also independently a cause of nerve degradation and cognitive issues, much moreso than just iron deficiency. However it'd also be a little odd for two people in a couple to both get it at the same time.

Good to know because my well water is full of iron

Iron deficiency isn't just caused by not consuming enough iron, it can also be caused by your body not being able to absorb iron for one reason or another.

Yeah that's the part that jumps out of this scenario. 57 and 63 is generally way too young to be seeing significant age related cognitive decline. Both of them having worsening cognition + worsening mood problems sure sounds like an environmental toxin. Lead poisoning is a likely culprit. I would get them to a doctor to test them for heavy metals and other common harmful environmental materials.

Agreed… doctor up, hit the gym, eat some veggies.

Seriously though OP, if they haven’t seen a doctor, try to get them to go get tested for environmental toxins and nutritional deficiencies. Some of this stuff can clear up like magic once you’ve identified the problem.

Yeah, OP really ought to consider whether they’re having medical issues. As I started reading the description, I was expecting to chime in based on similar situation with my Mom. I love her very much but she can be frustrating to deal with, for similar reasons.

… then OP gave the age. I’m 57. My Mom is 83 having these issues

This should be top comment. My wife and I are similar ages, and many of my employees are as old or older - I've never known anyone with that kind of decline around 60. If it was just one parent, I'd suspect early onset dementia, but two at the same time? Something is going on there.

You would hope. But it’s also entirely possible we have an unreliable narrator posting on the internet about their hyperbolic perspective and are just angry at their parents for taking their phone away and grounding them for setting the dog on fire again.