Court rules Gabe Newell must appear in person to testify in Steam anti-trust lawsuit

Goronmon@lemmy.world to Games@lemmy.world – 654 points –
Court rules Gabe Newell must appear in person to testify in Steam anti-trust lawsuit
pcgamer.com
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*Gabe starts gesturing to his lawyer to do something*

"Just answer the question."

I mean the simple response from the lawyer is, "Objection, relevance," and the question gets tossed out.

I demand accuracy in my jokes, even if it kills them.

"Objection, relevance?"

"Public interest."

(Though in my joke I meant his lawyer, instead of objecting, would entreat his client to answer the question)

Ah, I understand now. [MODIFYING JOKE MATRIX TO ACCOMMODATE NEW INFORMATION]

"Your honor, I need to fire my lawyer."

"Mr Newell, no competent lawyer in this country would defend you on this point. If you do not answer the question I will hold you in contempt."

“Bailiff, seize him.”

*Half Life 3 drops from his pocket*

"THAT'S NOT MINE"

“It’s actually all of yours. Check you computers, they all have Half Life 3 installed.”

Gabe puts on a top hat, pulls out an umbrella and floats away.

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Gaben will then slowly drop his head and whisper into the microphone with a wry chuckle - "You fool. You have just activated my trap card."

Immediately, the Half Life 3 release will drop. Gaben has been holding it back, continuously updating for decades, awaiting exactly this moment. The judge, completely flabbergasted at the proceedings will immediately declare a mistrial. Legal scholars will then study the "Gaben defense" for decades.

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