I would also add any sort of variation of "at this job, we're like a family!"
A Manson family
"Fast paced work environment"
"We are family here"
“We treat our employees like family.”
I joined a " we are family" company and got shouted at by the founder because I wasn't a mind reader and didn't do something I had no idea needed done.
Sounds exactly like family, except I was hired into the position of toddler.
Fuck that noise.
I’m reminded of this guy I fired after he ghosted me when he no-call-no-showed.
“Wait? You don’t treat everyone like family?”
“No. I treat everyone like employees.” The look on his face was kinda priceless.
(For the record, I do try to take care of my employees, and the minimum there is paying what they’re worth- but the relationship is definitely employer-employee. The relationship is inherently transactional; pretending otherwise is exploitation)
“Industry leading ninja” is so cringey. It’s like a very out of touch old guy trying sound relevant. I AM an old guy so I have some knowledge here. 😀
Ninja, literally, "invisible", or perhaps generously, "spy" is such an insane term for a business to use anyway.
It connotates someone who is willing to break the law - kill if necessary- to bring down the opposition. Not someone connecting a new API node for Slack notifications
They probably actually mean Stakhanovite, but wouldn't bring themselves to use a communist term (/s).
Honestly, it's missing the following gems...
"We are looking for an industry leading ninja..."
"We're a work hard, play hard team/company"
I would also add any sort of variation of "at this job, we're like a family!"
A Manson family
"Fast paced work environment"
"We are family here"
“We treat our employees like family.”
I joined a " we are family" company and got shouted at by the founder because I wasn't a mind reader and didn't do something I had no idea needed done.
Sounds exactly like family, except I was hired into the position of toddler.
Fuck that noise.
I’m reminded of this guy I fired after he ghosted me when he no-call-no-showed.
“Wait? You don’t treat everyone like family?”
“No. I treat everyone like employees.” The look on his face was kinda priceless.
(For the record, I do try to take care of my employees, and the minimum there is paying what they’re worth- but the relationship is definitely employer-employee. The relationship is inherently transactional; pretending otherwise is exploitation)
“Industry leading ninja” is so cringey. It’s like a very out of touch old guy trying sound relevant. I AM an old guy so I have some knowledge here. 😀
Ninja, literally, "invisible", or perhaps generously, "spy" is such an insane term for a business to use anyway.
It connotates someone who is willing to break the law - kill if necessary- to bring down the opposition. Not someone connecting a new API node for Slack notifications
They probably actually mean Stakhanovite, but wouldn't bring themselves to use a communist term (/s).