Moderna’s mRNA cancer vaccine works even better than thought

sanqueue@lemmy.world to Technology@lemmy.world – 1222 points –
Moderna’s mRNA cancer vaccine works even better than thought
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Any day now those vaxxed will drop dead!!

I often go by a place were somebody tagged the wall with something that roughly translates to "Half the vaccinated will die".

So half will not? Ever?

The other half becomes vampires, obviously.

So, the 5G mind controller chips in it do make sense after all.

It’s an easy issue to resolve, really. Just install garlic frequency beams to our 5g towers and boom solved the vampire crisis

Everyone dies

Exactly.

Whomever did that tag didn't think enough to notice they're implying that the vaccine gives ethernal life to half those who take it.

(It also neatly illustrates how simplifying one's idea down to a slogan actually increases the chance of ending up implying something else than the idea one wanted to pass)

Haha, but if we do, they will follow in a gross and painful fashion: In Canada, 83% of the population received at least one dose. I believe we are 39M 40M now (lol, I was sleeping).

So 6,800,000 gonna keep the electricity going; grow and process food; and perform medical procedures? --Oh wait, all the medical people are dead. Speaking of dead, there aren't any firemen to dispose of the 33,200,000 bodies! Damn, biohazard everywhere. I'm assuming their edjumacashun didn't be gud, so I'm not hopeful of their prospects for rebuilding, but I suspect rage will take out who is left before it gets to that point anyways.

Edit: Math is hard

Surelly at least the food problem and the bodies problem can be solved at the same time by resorting to cannibalism?!

With a bit of luck the vaxxed would drop dead in early Winter, which would help preserve the meat longer.

What's the proportion of the overweight in Canada? I'm thinking maybe the energy problem too can be solved with a proper use of all that fat.

Does that mean I won't have to go to work anymore or will they find a way to indenture and monetize my corpse?

Well if we wait long enough, they will! See! We were right all along!