After a lifetime against, I'm considering joining social media. Any advice?
I've never had a Facebook account or any other social media. I know they keep shadow profiles, but I've never given permission. I never had any interest and frankly still don't.
The problem I'm having is that I don't exist online when people try to look me up. When someone tries to check me out, there's nothing there and apparently that's considered abnormal these days. I think it's starting to affect my life negatively for various reasons I'd rather not get into.
I'd just like some advice about where to start if you wanted to dip your toes in and check it out. LinkedIn, maybe?
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As a woman who was single and dating, saying you don't have a social media is a red flag. Best case scenario, you truly don't and it's probably from having some sort of arrogant judgement value about people who do, worst case, you have a spouce you are hiding from me.
Either way, not worth the risk. Like all the women I know feel the same. Sure it's a historically newer redflag that didn't exist 10-50 years ago, but neither was worrying about crypto gambling and manospehre BS. Modern problems require modern precautions.
If I don't have social media I am either arrogant or I am hiding something? Sounds very ignorant and arrogant to me.
The women I know are people I can talk to, discuss social media, discuss decisions regarding social media, no red flag bullshit. Maybe it's different in different countries.
It's worse than "very ignorant". It stinks malice and stupidity at the same time - because the person is rushing conclusions (aka assuming, aka making shit up) about another person, based on little to no information.
I never saw this in real life, but if some acquaintance told me that they avoid dating people without social media presence "because it's a red flag", I'd look for further signs that the person is unjust and/or assumptive and consider avoiding them altogether.
You can think whatever you want about my post, unfair/arrogant idc, I'm just sharing a very common view from among the women I know and the discussions I've read. Not every one out there in the dating world is a creep, but I'd rather be careful since I only had a limited time to go out.
It's not that every single person falls in to those two camps, but social media is super duper common, so why would I risk wasting my time on someone I can't vet?
Please don't put words in my mouth, I didn't say your post was 'unfair'. You do you, date whatever you want. But you don't see how it could be problematic to call all people without social media accounts arrogant or liars? And then trying to establish that view as normal by citing your social media bubble-friends and 'discussions you have read' is just messed up.
Not gonna lie, if I knew someone was about to try dig through all my life and history before first date, I'd tell them to fuck off. That's like the A in ABC of not dating shitty creeps.
I'm a woman and I don't have any social media. I just don't see the value in it when the cost is tracking and ads.
Honestly, it's not great to assume that someone is "arrogant and judgmental" because they don't fit in your boxes :|
saying people who don‘t have social media are arrogant (or worse, suspicious) is the most red flag you can get. there was literally a greentext about this recently and I remember thinking there‘s no way someone could be that ignorant and yet here we are
I love that your post gave a probabilistic binning of someone who doesn't have a traditional social media account, which was unironically confirmed by people replying with rustled jimmies.
Come on folks, it should be clear from context that she is saying that a single woman setting up dates is going to use what limited info they have to avoid stalkers, cheaters, red pillers, and anti social people. That this might filter out perfectly normal people along with the creeps is the cost of maintaining safety and not wasting time, which is pretty much par for the course in dating. There's also a difference between exchanging info after a brief meeting, and actually knowing a person for an extended time and then dating. I doubt OP is saying that someone they studied with for three semesters would be excluded for lack of social media, because they have real life context and don't need the proxy filters.
Also, getting real close in these replies to "but I'm a nice guy" and "I'm not like other girls."
I just think it's quite funny that in their justification, they project their own arrogant judgemental attitude towards those they justify their own behavior against.
seriously? I think that's where people disagree.
it'd be different if they said:
but that's not what they said, and that's not what people are responding to.
Imagine if some guy said:
now imagine if someone responded to the "rustled jimmies" with
same thing, they should've said that then
I don't disagree that comment OP could have phrased it better and come across as less judgey. And I think that of someone like you left a well worded reply to the effect that it would be very fair feedback.
At the same time I feel like some of the comments she has gotten are living down to the less generous version of her statements. If that makes sense. It also sort of feels like people wallpapering over the underlying reason that many women look for social media participation, which is as a way to vet for safety reasons.
But I agree, it's not good to typecast and overgeneralize, and a better suggestion to the post OP might be that some women look for social media accounts for safety reasons, if that is part of your social issues mentioned.
But I digress. Have a great day!
Lol is this that Internet white knighting I hear about?
Aye. My mother met dates through church and barn dances; friend of a friend vouching for a dude was enough. I am exposed to easily 50x the number of people that she was and at the same time "third places" are dwindling; mechanisms for social vetting have to evolve too.
If I can't find any record of a person, I'm going to be really cautious about spending time IRL, same as not walking off alone with the stranger who crashed the dance who no one has ever seen before.
If people are dating through mutual contacts, sure, social media plays minimal part if any. Online dating? Hell no I'm not meeting a rando until I know they are a real person with base level social skills.
I think your post here is a bigger red flag than someone not having social media
If you told me on a date that no social media is a red flag I would just interpret that the opposite way entirely.
I find social media addiction a full-on, hard-stop, red flag, deal-breaker.