After a lifetime against, I'm considering joining social media. Any advice?
I've never had a Facebook account or any other social media. I know they keep shadow profiles, but I've never given permission. I never had any interest and frankly still don't.
The problem I'm having is that I don't exist online when people try to look me up. When someone tries to check me out, there's nothing there and apparently that's considered abnormal these days. I think it's starting to affect my life negatively for various reasons I'd rather not get into.
I'd just like some advice about where to start if you wanted to dip your toes in and check it out. LinkedIn, maybe?
Linkedin is the only social media I would reccomend to put yourself out (as in, put your successful projects in) as it's used more as a networking tool to land yourself in better jobs.
Fuck other social media. Anonymity is best.
LinkedIn is getting shittier all the time too. I check it out twice a year or so and every time I look at my feed it reminds me a bit more of Facebook. It's the only social media I haven't deactivated and is likely to stay that way for a while longer at least but it definitely feels like it's getting further and further from that professional vibe it once carried, and not in a good way.
It's like the place where your bosses put lame boomer-styled memes and motivational stuff.
The only reason your boss ever posts something 'motivational' is for their own personal gain of earning more money off you.
He never posts "Try to enjoy life. Maybe take a day off sometime to be with your family on an extended weekend and forget work for a while."
They recently switched some feed algorithms and it became completely useless. At least in my case if I use their "adjusted" feed, or whatever it is called, I sometimes see the same posts up on top for several days! I anyway prefer the chronological feed which you can luckily still set as standard, but there I get so many results, I do tend to miss those "high impact" posts of some of my connections.
So, neither is great and I have no idea how they think its usable in any way. Not using their app by the way, so maybe thats the issue, but I refuse to put that on my phone.
I second LinkedIn.
You dont really have to be all that active there either. Just login every now and then to add / accept new connections and to update your profile.
LinkedIn for me is basically public CV that recruiters can view. Depending on your profession you can also link your github, stackoverflow, portfolio, blog or something similar there to direct people to channels you prefer instead of social media.
I know how you feel but joining in now might be a mistake. The trend at the moment is people leaving social media, soon people won't care if they can find you or not.
Stay away!
Eeeh... Is it really? I know that's what many people on Lemmy would like to believe because that's what they largely are doing, but lemmings are a minority. I think the vast majority of people don't even know or care about how bad social media is these days and continue using it.
People's situations can be different, OP is asking how they can join while minimizing the harms
We don't have to not join something because the trend is people leaving. Worst case scenario they meet the immediate need and leave alongside whoever they need to connect with
Don't.
Thats the only advice you need.
Social media is so dead. Everyone has one yeah but it's a placeholder. The novelty is gone
Seriously I kind of miss the "Internet playground" era of 10 years ago. It felt like you could easily find not just one but multiple close knit groups for ANYTHING you might enjoy. It was easy to engage with people without huge effort.
Nowadays it's monolithic corporate groups. Soulless without the close interactions. Content is at an all time high yet simultaneously true interactions are dead. Forget about trying to find multiple groups, they all have been cannibalised into a singular Uber corpo group if it exists at all.
i miss the mid 90s internet.
Where the internet was a curiousity, not yet exploited by companies and advertising, where to find new websites you had to click next on ring networks or find a website directory cause search engines werent even a thing yet, but every website you found was someones passion project and rife with the interesting and bizarre
For me it's the early 2010 internet. Where technological advances made navigating it easy and you could with no effort find several groups chatting about topics you liked. Information was easily available yet it felt extremely personal too.
That was before everything became ultra monolithic and corporate. You'll be lucky if you find even just one active forum for something you like and more often then not it's been cannibalised by one of the megacorp pages like YouTube or reddit where interactions are all dull and dead, soulless posting only for menial engagement instead of making friends
The internet has definitely lost its wonder, and more become a thing of dread due to bullshit, ads, spam, etc etc.
I honestly disagree, even if it's a lot harder now. Discord kinda took the place of forums and other niche groups.
"The problem I'm having is that I don't exist online when people try to look me up."
That's not a problem, that's a privilege very few people get to enjoy. Fuсk social media and fuсk Facebook in particular.
Yep, that is something I've tried to achieve for years.. I'm jealous for you OP
Jesus Christ this thread 🤣
Delusional users believing lemmy and reddit ain't social media.
People say this shit all the time. "Reddit is social media too dura hurr."
But anonymous social media sites are an entirely different entity and wildly different experience compared to ones that use your actual name.
Pseudonymous is not even quite the same as anonymous either. It's not just people randomly saying whatever nonsense like 4chan, there's all the reputation-building and ego that other social media has, only less personal, for better or worse.
"anonymous social media" is indeed very different, but still social media. It avoids some problems and runs into other problems.
Oh for sure, but I think it's a really very incredibly important distinction
Whatever you need to tell yourself at night 🤷♂️
I thought I was taking crazy pills watching people tell the guy not to join social media, on a social media site!
I think the real question being asked is, should the OP make a social media account that is not anonymous or on one of the mainstream sites. Which I would say go for it if it helps with your IRL social life, just don't post anything you wouldn't say in person in public.
They're forums though, are forums social media? I don't think services people use anonymously and not for the primary purpose of interacting are social media. The stat has always been 90+% of people are lurkers who just look at memes. Doesn't sound very social. Scrolling lemmy and reading articles doesn't get at that part of the brain. We're not a social group, looking at each others lives.
What stops being social media if we broaden the definition. YouTube is social media if Lemmy is imo.
Lurkers on Lemmy and Reddit don't seem too different from someone who is on Twitter or Instagram to follow celebrities.
Commenters definitely are in it for interacting, whether they realize or not. Like, just now, you felt the need to express your opinion to this crowd, and so did I.
I think another divide when it comes to "social media" is the idea of following someone.
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc let me follow people (or brands).
Reddit however isn't about people or brands (and yes I'm away they added that feature, it's stupid), it's about topics.
Looking at Mastodon, it is also designed to follow people. They do however have the option to follow hashtags, which as a Lemmy user is something I like.
Similarly as a Lemmy user I don't care who any of you are. I'm not following anyone in this thread. We could interact every day or we could interact once a year, I don't care who you are and I like that.
Also, I don't care if you follow me. I'd prefer if you didn't. I do have an opinion to share, and I do want people to read it. Is that "social media"?
As other folks have pointed out, this is all more similar to Internet forums. Are those "social media"? I would argue they are not, but if you stretch the definition far enough... I guess?
It starts with something silly like an avatar or profile pic next to every comment. If you'ld have had a flag or a dogpic or so next to your name/comment, I wouldn't have read your comment in the same relatively neutral way. I dislike the persona stuff, it's why I prefer forums. Lemmy is a collection of forums to me. I profoundly distrust persona cult stuff, like influencers etc. Sure, I'll encounter same people here I'm sure, but frankly: I'm mostly unaware, usernames barely register in my mind.
The part about social media I dislike is the real connection between Irl and online, and the "profile"-focus, for now both is no issue for me on lemmy.
Yes. Forums are social media. The mental gymnastics....
Is it my imagination or do you think people that don't consider forums to be social media are doing it out of denial, as if they consider social media to be inferior and they want to be the superior ones without social media, but by encountering you telling them these ugly truths, they deny and defend themselves almost in a tantrum?
Because that may happen with a person or two, but no, many people don't have problems having social media, just don't consider Lemmy a social media for various reasons (e.g. not used with a real name, they do not personally message from here, etc.). If their criteria is wrong or right, I don't know. I do consider this a social media, but it's open to discussion.
It'd be helpful if you stop looking at situations as if they were the crying wojak (them) vs chad wojak (you) because that's not how we all work.
While I do consider this my social media outlet it's different in a few ways. If I meet someone new in person and they're interested in my online presence
Your username is a fairly common noun and an incredibly common, er, auxiliary verb?
They can't do anything with it by sticking it into Google!
Fancy that eh
Yes, stupid delusional users who actually know what social media is and isnt, unlike a self aggrandizing imbecile making comments like yours.
👌👍🤡
People say that all the time, but I disagree. They're link aggregators with a comments section.
It is an anonymous social media, and the post is talking about non-anonymous googleable profiles (Facebook, Instagram, etc.). Quite different if you ask me.
Don't do it. I have stopped using Facebook and Instagram since November when they give me the choice to either pay a crazy amount or accept targeted ads.
The amount of time that I suddenly have is crazy. I have already read 7 books and Its been 20 years since I last had read a book!
Not to mention all the negativity and toxicity that I no longer get exposed to.
Its people own fault of they judge you by your being online of social media or not. That said, I don't think you'd be any better if they did value you on what you do online.
Maybe you can create a website with your basic information a few pictures and a short descriptive text. It's kind of a business card style website that will show up when people search your name on Google
I know you've probably heard this about a dozen times by now, but..
Don't join Facebook.
They track everything they can about you, down to how long you spend looking at something on your screen. I'm fairly certain they listen to what's going on around you if you put the app on your phone. An ad for something I've mentioned in passing has popped up on my feed shortly later too many times to be a coincidence.
They follow you around on your browser, too. They know what you shop for. It's all specially tailored to sell you their ads.
I keep an account to stay in touch with my family, and it's appalling how much more information they get from you than any other app. Not to mention the heavy prevalence of MAGA hats and I'll-kill-you-before-I-consider-your-opinion conservatives.
Instagram isn't much better, but at least the people there are nicer.
The spying is horrendous. Even after taking so many measures, I still swear I'm eavesdropped occasionally. Ad blockers, private DNS, Firefox containers, GrapheneOS on my phone (I only install messenger, not the Facebook app). I don't use Facebook on Windows.
I wouldn't be surprised if other people's devices are collecting info about me. I have no control over that.
Unfortunately it's at a point that I won't get invited to parties without it. It's how my friends all organise events.
It sounds like Facebook tracks non-registered users as well, so everything you're saying remains true for everyone who doesn't have a pretty strong security posture.
If OP isn't blocking third party cookies, FB scripts, and piholing unwanted requests, they might as well join the platform and get the tenuous benefits it provides.
My advice is to cancel joining.
You're on social media right now, but personally, I don't care if there's nothing when people look me up: Seems like a bonus, I barely get spam calls anymore.
I'd say if you aren't on them and don't need them, there's no reason to dip your toe in.
It's okay to be a little weird and save tons of time and not have to read worthless comments.
I was part of the main ones, but got rid of everything, LinkedIn Facebook, all of it. They are useless or detrimental personally, and I don't need them for my job.
This is the extent of my social media now.
Please don't.
You're already using social media, the only difference is that you're in the fediverse, not the metaverse.
I have never had a social media account under my real name, apart from Linkedin, which is just there to show me for possible employers.
When I google myself, I only get results about my address and my Linkedin profile, so I do atleast exist.
As for advice about joning something like Facebook....
Great advice, and thank you for answering the question :)
OP understands the risks, and they're asking for tips on how to mitigate them if they have to make an account.
A lot of the comments here either missed or intentionally ignored the post body... Or the downvotes on the comment with a personal account saying how single women can feel safer if they can learn about a new person before meeting them.
People have different circumstances and perspectives :)
My advice for the original post:
I think it can help to have some presence, even if it is to control what information comes up when someone looks you up.
I don't think anyone can give you good advice without knowing the reasons you'd rather not get in to.
I can think of various scenarios where some sort of minimal internet presence under your real name would be useful for social or employment reasons, but exactly what it is you're trying to accomplish makes a big difference in terms of what tools (including corporate platforms, federated microblogging like Mastodon, a blog, or a static website) will get you the results you want.
What's popular where you live or in your professional field matters too. For some people, not using Facebook or Linkedin specifically is unusual, but we don't have enough information to know if that's true for you.
I used to have Facebook. Dabbled with Instagram and Twitter. Don't use any of them now. Feel 10x better.
If anyone seriously judged me for not being on a particular website I'd have to consider their competency at managing life.
You can still be subconsciously judged or ignored, though. It's easy to get left out because you aren't thought about because you aren't in a particular group chat, for example.
if you have no desire to 'participate' on a social media platform, but want people to still be able to 'google' you, perhaps a personal web page on your own domain. with a brief bio, your cv, and perhaps some interesting tidbits from hobbies or work projects.
Why are people looking you up?
When it comes to Facebook, Instagram, and other mainstream social media, just stay away, it's not worth it. I had Facebook, and it was just full of trash. I haven't had Instagram, but it's not very appealing either.
A LinkedIn account, however, for professional reasons is very much advised. Or Glassdoor.
Although over the recent years I saw some decline in quality on LinkedIn, as it's getting full of shit posts, but you can completely disregard what's on the feed. What you need LinkedIn for, is to build a professional profile, have your former and current coworkers in your network, and find and apply for jobs. Or even just let opportunities come to your inbox once you have an impressive profile.
The most amazing workplace I've ever had was possible thanks to LinkedIn, with almost no effort on my part. I have to say, this isn't typical though. It's only likely happening in countries where there's a labour shortage. But a recruiter (among tons of others) found me from a well known company, their opening looked good to me, so I gave it a try. After just one interview I was hired, and I didn't even have to apply for the job.
My most recent job was with a relocation to a different country. I can't even imagine how this would've been possible without LinkedIn or Glassdoor. But I achieved one of my big life goals.
A career advice I got about ten years ago: create a LinkedIn profile and always keep updating it. If you do so, you'll see it's kinda awkward to go back in time and retrospectively edit things and connect with former coworkers. But since you haven't had an account yet, I don't see any other choice for you.
As for Glassdoor, it's maybe a bit less popular than LinkedIn, but nowadays you can find opportunities there too. The best strength of Glassdoor is that you can find reviews of companies, sometimes they're also reporting their salaries so you know what to expect. In some cases, individual reviews may be misleading as they're forced by the company (which is btw against the terms of use), it can be a good indicator if you find thousands of good reviews or thousands of bad reviews.
Regarding the fediverse (Mastodon, Lemmy, Pixelfed, PeerTube, etc.), they're much better than their corporate equivalents in terms of quality, but they're not immune to misinformation either. And also not immune to the user's own stupidity. Obviously, don't share what doesn't belong there.
Edit: added notes for Glassdoor
My guess is it's because potential matches ask.
As a woman, I don't find it weird, but I do find it unfortunate. It's an easy, quick way to get a better understanding on if you're who you say you are. Sure, it can be faked, but... that's more rare, and mostly easily sussed out.
I like seeing Instagram personally. Not to follow, just as a good check. But if you don't want insta, I'd suggest pixelfed. It's not a part of meta and it functions as an instagram.
For the most part, stick to the fediverse.
The only standard social media account I'd recommend is linkedin, literally only because it's meant to network for jobs. Don't get me wrong, it's full of desperate corporate worship and therefore miserable to use. However, the real point is networking for career advancement and job listings
I keep my Linkedin updated, but Linkedin is BS. I hate it. Facebook I only keep for shitposting and because it's the way my husband's family keeps in touch (my husband deleted his FB years ago). Facebook is not great. Would not recommend. Honestly, most social media websites are shit and I could not recommend. Lemmy is kind of social media, and this is okay. I liked reddit too, back when I used it.
Ignorance is bliss.
Yeah..isn’t this social media? lol
No, Its not.
Weird how no one recommended Mastodon yet.
You can switch your profile to public and follow some nice people and hashtags, if anyone wants to check your vibe. All with you real name. It has become the good version of twitter for me and at least in europe many people are starting to use it.
LinkedIn is pretty good, for finding work. I've gotten a lot of offers there. Ultimately never took any of them, ironically, but worth the time to set up a good profile.
If you're thinking of joining Facebook... Don't. It's not worth it. Tell people you have something else and give them that info. Like your phone number or your email or your WhatsApp/telegram/whatever.
I hate how I have Facebook and am so dependent on it. I wish I could tell people I don't have it.
I'm seconding the "no Facebook" thing, and I'd add "no Meta-Owned anything". Facebook is constantly showing me conspiracy flat earth shit with people honest to god arguing about it, and everyone in other posts strangely all comment the same thing or early similar things to the point that I've checked peoples accounts out to see if they are bots or not. Instagram isn't much better, and a LOT of it is basically soft-core attention seeking influencers. Threads.... Isn't giving anything better than what Mastodon offers.
I swear. One of these days I will pull the plug.
[Palpatine: Do it.]
I haven't scrolled Facebook in over a decade I think. But nobody interesting posts on Facebook in my feed so I'm not too bothered. Instagram is good to me. Giving me only like comics and skits and stuff from people I follow, and things similar to what I enjoyed before like certain sports etc. I'd gladly jump Facebook if I could find my friends elsewhere. I wish Messenger wasn't connected to a Facebook account. 😞
It would be better to host a site.
It's not standard to still expect to find anyone on social media these days. If someone mentioned they couldn't find you and that was important to you maybe you should ask that specific person for advice?
In my experience the expectation these days is for people to be available in some chat apps online (depending where you are: WhatsApp, signal, telegram or iMessage).
I turned off all social media almost 3 years ago. Reddit was the only thing that I subscribed to, and I got rid of that last June. I haven’t missed Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter or anything else for even one second. Don’t do it!
Quite late for that. The fun time is in the past.
LinkedIn isn't a terrible idea if you just want to come up in search results. It's quite useful for a lot of different professions for networking. You'd likely just make a profile and never look at it again.
Facebook can be almost mandatory depending on where you live. I currently live in a city where Facebook is the only meaningful source of networking, local news and information on events online. It's not uncommon for businesses, even quite larger ones, to have their only media presence online be a Facebook page. The city is also kind of infamously hard to break into socially so you want any advantage you can get.
I don't currently have any social media but it's become a hindrance and I might need to reactivate. I end up using social media by proxy through family and friends anyway.
Don´t, it´s fucking horrible. Yes, this also includes a major part of lemmy. If you really wan´t to, I would advise to only focus on nice little communities that are specialized in one of your personal interests. Generally, the larger a community becomes, the more toxic and stupid it gets in my experience.
If you really need to, I'd recommend social media within the Fediverse.
First, a Mastodon account with your real name, photo and a small bio. Post your thoughts or quotes or whatever; repost memes, art, etc. Leave an option for people to send you messages, with whatever privacy you see fitting. In case you worry about it, Mastodon is a known alternative to Twitter, and Twitter is very toxic nowadays, so people will find it reasonable that you have a Mastodon account instead.
There's also Pixelfed, if you like photos. It is an alternative to Instagram. If you have a hobby, post often about it. I don't know, cooking, skating, painting... Anyway, make it a beautiful gallery of your life and fewer people will question why Pixelfed and not Instagram. You can always excuse yourself saying you don't like so many business accounts on Instagram or whatever excuse, and that you like to give new things a try.
Finally, a WordPress or Plume or WriteFreely blog may be a great opportunity to write and share your ideas. It is kind of retro to have a blog, I guess, but it is a good way for people to get to know you better. You may even find something you're passionate about and create a community. Some people start with two or three pieces of advice about something (like gardening) and end up with a blog full of useful articles and a community that follows them. Blogs usually have an option for private e-mails and a redirection to other social media, so you can have your Mastodon and/or Pixelfed account attached.
Why the Fediverse? You don't sell your soul to corporations, you help it grow, you get a better community.
But give it a second thought, though. Having a social media profile can be exhausting. I personally obsess over it being a good reflection of who I am, respectful in the things I say, with beautiful images, with colors and themes that reflect my personality, with enough of my real self so that people know me but not enough that they cringe or judge me negatively. My objectives (and perfectionism) make it chaotic after a while, and the profile gets more and more inauthentic. That's why I don't have any at the moment. It can also bring some social drama, so, yeah, ponder the pros and cons.
About 7 years back I joined everything there was, Instagram, SnapChat, Facebook, Twitter. Then I started using Reddit, honestly the best social media at that time. Amazing repository for information (still is). I can tell you now that all those platforms are all garbage. They're like 70% bot content and 20% reposts by actual people, maybe 10% are actual original posts. It's so hard to find something that is authentic and new on the internet nowadays.
Lemmy, Mastadon, the Fediverse as a whole at this point in time, has some of the best content every. Although small and not vast, the content is top notch. I scroll everyday and very often find some of the most engaging discussions in any of the subs, AskLemmy for example.
Now, if you're going to start using social media, I suggest you use it containerized (vm) or use a new computer with a burner cell number (redpocket is like $30/year on ebay). Just to see garbage for yourself.
Edit: oh yeah, at some point I did use TikTok. You can check it out on proxitok I think. That shit is poison. I personally sifted through and saw the shit for what it really is (spyware that is coated in social media). Dancing girls everywhere, reddit voiceovers, people pointing at things over original content, some of the most cringe content known to mankind.
You’re on social media right now. You know that, right?
You know what they mean. No need to be a smartass about it
Forums are not social media. God I am so tired of this disingenuous, and intercontinentally stretched argument.
"Hur hurr rhurrrrr U TLAK 2 PEPUL HARE TAT MEN U SOSHUL TAT MEN DIS SOSHUL MEDEEUH"
Social media is a very specific thing, relating to things like Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/TikTok/Etc.
Forums, like Lemmy, are not social media. Just because you interact with people on something doesnt make it social media, trying to stretch the definition to that regard makes everything from clay tablets, to semaphore, to IRC to email social media.
I've been thinking about it as well, I think if I were to do it I'd probably post and immediately close the app, and disable notifications, to prevent addiction. Go for it, it might be fun who knows.
Why do people feel the need to brag about how they don't use social media?
I think Facebook, with its (ostensible) emphasis on real-world connections, is a good place to start.
It was the first social media platform I ever used.
Social media is bad for your mental health. So as you add social media to your life, also add self cate routines like copious exercise, meditation, real-world social contact, etc.
Which branch?
Don’t. Stick to your guns. You will be better off
It's better if you filter out and moderate the usage. Just because social media it's bad doesn't mean there's no good part.
LinkedIn, and Instagram. You don't need anything else.
I think more than the fediverse isn't needed
As a woman who was single and dating, saying you don't have a social media is a red flag. Best case scenario, you truly don't and it's probably from having some sort of arrogant judgement value about people who do, worst case, you have a spouce you are hiding from me.
Either way, not worth the risk. Like all the women I know feel the same. Sure it's a historically newer redflag that didn't exist 10-50 years ago, but neither was worrying about crypto gambling and manospehre BS. Modern problems require modern precautions.
If I don't have social media I am either arrogant or I am hiding something? Sounds very ignorant and arrogant to me.
The women I know are people I can talk to, discuss social media, discuss decisions regarding social media, no red flag bullshit. Maybe it's different in different countries.
It's worse than "very ignorant". It stinks malice and stupidity at the same time - because the person is rushing conclusions (aka assuming, aka making shit up) about another person, based on little to no information.
I never saw this in real life, but if some acquaintance told me that they avoid dating people without social media presence "because it's a red flag", I'd look for further signs that the person is unjust and/or assumptive and consider avoiding them altogether.
You can think whatever you want about my post, unfair/arrogant idc, I'm just sharing a very common view from among the women I know and the discussions I've read. Not every one out there in the dating world is a creep, but I'd rather be careful since I only had a limited time to go out.
It's not that every single person falls in to those two camps, but social media is super duper common, so why would I risk wasting my time on someone I can't vet?
Please don't put words in my mouth, I didn't say your post was 'unfair'. You do you, date whatever you want. But you don't see how it could be problematic to call all people without social media accounts arrogant or liars? And then trying to establish that view as normal by citing your social media bubble-friends and 'discussions you have read' is just messed up.
Not gonna lie, if I knew someone was about to try dig through all my life and history before first date, I'd tell them to fuck off. That's like the A in ABC of not dating shitty creeps.
I'm a woman and I don't have any social media. I just don't see the value in it when the cost is tracking and ads.
Honestly, it's not great to assume that someone is "arrogant and judgmental" because they don't fit in your boxes :|
saying people who don‘t have social media are arrogant (or worse, suspicious) is the most red flag you can get. there was literally a greentext about this recently and I remember thinking there‘s no way someone could be that ignorant and yet here we are
I love that your post gave a probabilistic binning of someone who doesn't have a traditional social media account, which was unironically confirmed by people replying with rustled jimmies.
Come on folks, it should be clear from context that she is saying that a single woman setting up dates is going to use what limited info they have to avoid stalkers, cheaters, red pillers, and anti social people. That this might filter out perfectly normal people along with the creeps is the cost of maintaining safety and not wasting time, which is pretty much par for the course in dating. There's also a difference between exchanging info after a brief meeting, and actually knowing a person for an extended time and then dating. I doubt OP is saying that someone they studied with for three semesters would be excluded for lack of social media, because they have real life context and don't need the proxy filters.
Also, getting real close in these replies to "but I'm a nice guy" and "I'm not like other girls."
I just think it's quite funny that in their justification, they project their own arrogant judgemental attitude towards those they justify their own behavior against.
seriously? I think that's where people disagree.
it'd be different if they said:
but that's not what they said, and that's not what people are responding to.
Imagine if some guy said:
now imagine if someone responded to the "rustled jimmies" with
same thing, they should've said that then
I don't disagree that comment OP could have phrased it better and come across as less judgey. And I think that of someone like you left a well worded reply to the effect that it would be very fair feedback.
At the same time I feel like some of the comments she has gotten are living down to the less generous version of her statements. If that makes sense. It also sort of feels like people wallpapering over the underlying reason that many women look for social media participation, which is as a way to vet for safety reasons.
But I agree, it's not good to typecast and overgeneralize, and a better suggestion to the post OP might be that some women look for social media accounts for safety reasons, if that is part of your social issues mentioned.
But I digress. Have a great day!
Lol is this that Internet white knighting I hear about?
I think your post here is a bigger red flag than someone not having social media
Aye. My mother met dates through church and barn dances; friend of a friend vouching for a dude was enough. I am exposed to easily 50x the number of people that she was and at the same time "third places" are dwindling; mechanisms for social vetting have to evolve too.
If I can't find any record of a person, I'm going to be really cautious about spending time IRL, same as not walking off alone with the stranger who crashed the dance who no one has ever seen before.
If people are dating through mutual contacts, sure, social media plays minimal part if any. Online dating? Hell no I'm not meeting a rando until I know they are a real person with base level social skills.
If you told me on a date that no social media is a red flag I would just interpret that the opposite way entirely.
I find social media addiction a full-on, hard-stop, red flag, deal-breaker.