How can I "support" my family from a distance if they don't like the idea of receiving money from me?

whitecold@lemmy.world to Asklemmy@lemmy.ml – 56 points –

Edit: THANK YOU EVERYONE, there has been so many great ideas, and it was really eye-opening. I've decided to save up money for now in case of an emergency, and surprise them with something this Christmas. Also will make sure to call often, and visit them when possible. I'm seriously grateful to everyone who has shared their opinion!

I've recently moved out, so I can no longer help out with household duties (like cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc), which is what I used to do to help them - mind you they are not elderly, still actively working, so I just wanted to help them have more free time for hobbies and such.

Since I'm no longer there physically, I can obviously not help with these anymore, and they are both very much against the idea of spending money on cleaners, gardeners and such (to be fair, I'm also not really into the idea) - they are also very much against the idea of receiving money from me. The problem is, I don't know how else I could help, if I can't chime in for household expenses.

I'm really curious what others do to support their family from afar without directly sending money being involved?

20

Build an emergency fund and hang on to it for everyone.

This is an excellent idea.

If you really want to help and they want you to be on your own (and probably are enjoying their solitude) this is a neat way to do so. They don’t want help now but they may in the future.

Though, as a parent myself, I’m guessing they’d want you to save for yourself and realize they can take care of themselves. Good parents want what’s best for their children without thinking of themselves, it’s a sacrificial relationship.

However, what they do want is a continuing relationship. Call or meet with them regularly. Take pictures of you and your adventures. If you decide to start a family send them plenty of pictures of the grandkids and have dinner with them regularly if you’re close by.

Let them ask you, otherwise you're kinda enmeshing yourself in their daily affairs when you aren't party to it. They have to learn how to operate without your input day to day and you have to learn how to operate independantly managing your own affairs and state

They'll do Them.

You do You

Maybe offer to shout them a nice dinner once a month. I know it involves money but it's more of a gift than paying their bills.

What about subscription services, food delivery boxes, Spotify, Netflix, anything you can pay for on their behalf to enhance their lives? Can always start out saying you got a two for one deal for 6 months so they don't refuse outright and you can just keep on doing it.

Plenty of family subscription services too (including for some of those your listed), although distance limits might come into play for some family subscriptions

Are your parents poor? Then just buy them stuff they need, like new clothes etc. There is always an opportunity for gift giving. Are they doing OK financially? Then just buy them something nice occasionally. Save the money you'd want to give them for a rainy day fund. If shit hits the fan, be there to support them.

Yes, if you can't help them have more time for hobbies give them stuff for their hobbies. Some hobbies can be expensive if they are really into.it

Besides money, a great way to support your parents is to stay in touch. It took me way too long to realize that I can call my mom just to say hello and have a quick chat.

Now I try to call and check in as much as possible. During most of those calls are when I find out if there is anything else that they need. Without those conversations, though it would never come up, since they don't want to bother me.

Save money for a rainy day or to get a house if you don't have one. Not being a burden in future is the best thing you could do.

It sounds like maybe they’re doing fine without your help. Maybe you could put money into a savings account and then keep it available in case they want your help.

If they're still working, they don't need your support. Focus on staying in touch with them, and let them know that if they do need you, you're here.

Like someone else said, instead putting money into savings, so that a future need can come out of that instead of your current funds, that'll mitigate the future need.

Parents like to be around their kids. Not a rule but most do. So visit them. This is something no one else in the would can do, and money can't buy.

One way to send money without really sending "money" is to give them gift cards for the local grocery store. Everyone needs groceries and it often has more of a free gift feel than a charity case feel to it. You could even pass it off as if it's something you won or received and you're just passing it along.

Show them that you love them other ways. Schedule weekly calls with them, but otherwise respect their decision not to recieve financial support from you

Do they actually need the help? Personally I'd just leave them be and be available if they need support for whatever reason

Besides all the other stuff mentioned, you can invite them to stuff occasionally and prepay everything. Make it a family event if you want to.