Honestly, this is probably how I will end up dieing

_thebrain_@sh.itjust.works to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world – 677 points –
16

Okay, but are gummy bears included in the pool of "random bear" for the woods encounter? Would that mean teddy bears are too? Then we'd have to consider gingerbread men, snowmen, etc. for the "random man" pool. This whole situation is becoming less threatening the more I think about it

Snowmen are spooky. I saw this one Norwegian documentary about a serial killer who used them as his calling card. The editing was truly horrific. I think it was called The Snowman Who Couldn't Slow Down

I thought the whole point was that the bear in any form was already less threatening than a man.

Cause of death: (guts) ripped apart by (catastrophic diarrhea caused by eating too many gummy) bears

Do you think a real bear wouldn't rip apart your (guts)?

Fun fact: in 1987 a young boy was killed and partially eaten by polar bears at a zoo in Brooklyn after he and two other children snuck into the enclosure. Donald Trump offered to pay for his funeral but then reneged.

And if you choke to death while eating gummy worms then people will say you had brain worms.