What are some double standards in society for men ?

x4740N@lemm.ee to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 191 points –

For example workplace harrasment by women towards males like touching or groping being ignored because the victim is male but if it where to happen to a woman by a male the male would be fired

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One that constantly comes up between me and my partner is fashion related. She is very liberal but when it comes to our relationship is the exact opposite. She buys everything from lacy thongs and g-strings to boy shorts underwear. She hates that I as a man wear thong and bikini underwear, too. I’m athletic, lift and workout 5 days a week, and get hot very easily. I like the support and minimalism of thongs for that, but she always buys me boxers which are uncomfortable and bunch up and all the extra fabric and cotton makes me hot and sweaty and chafe. When I bring up she wears thongs just do she doesn’t have panty lines and I wear them for comfort and support she doesn’t understand. She also mentioned she thinks guys wearing thongs is weird but then says it’s so “brave” when gay guys do it during pride. I once called her out and homophobic for assuming it’s a fetishized gay guys only thing and she got mad, but am I wrong?

You're definitely not wrong. If she's willing to undermine or criticize your clothes preference after you've already told her why you like them and you don't want to change, what else is she willing to undermine?

I feel very comfortable sharing with her, especially since I grew up in an extremely conservative area of the south and she grew up in an upper class suburb in the Bay Area in California. She knows when I’m feeling “off” because it manifests in body language she picks up on and tries to get me to share (I.e. when I’m having work or family problems) but it’s been hard to break that “men don’t share their feelings” attitude I was raised with. She actually buys me clothing that is vibrant and traditionally female brands (lulu, Madewell, etc..). That’s why I was kind of taken aback when I first started wearing my thongs around her and she was like “are those women’s panties?” Because they were brightly colored pink pair of a male thong from MeUndies. I explained they are the comfortable for support when engaging in cardio and lifting and she was like, “I don’t like seeing you in them”.

In the same way I grew up in a very conservative area and this is a unique way to express myself and enjoy feeling sexy, I think she grew up in the opposite and that’s why she was attracted to stoic, lumbering me. She has jokingly called me a “brute” in a loving way and says she is fascinated how I just “power through” manual labor for 12 hours at a time on the weekend doing projects and lifting heavy stuff around our house. I think she just has a biological urge to see me as that big protector.

Also, she always talks about how she doesn’t like muscle on guys, but since we have been together I have put on a lot of muscle and the more I put on the more she is constantly squeezing my arms and shoulders and putting her head on my chest… but she has also noticed that other women will feel my arms in public and I think she gets a little jealous

Other women touching you in public without your consent is harassment

She chooses for image. She's sympathetic. But, she's no empathy for you valuing different facets in your choice. Is it just underwear or does this extend to more, possibly all choices?

We agree on the overwhelming majority of important things (politics, cleanliness, nutrition, children) but obviously we have different tastes within those areas, I love cashews, she hates them, I prefer lifting weights, she prefers Pilates, etc… This is just the one weird thing we get hung up on.

This is more like her insisting you not eat cashews, because she hates cashews.

Only in this case her hate is homophobic/transphobic. Women can wear boy stuff. And men can, in theory, wear 'queer' stuff. As long as it's not her partner doing it.

Women love feminine men, but they won't date one.

Yeah, it’s very strange. They talk about masculinity like it’s a negative trait but then that’s all they want in a relationship. Nature > Nurture

Which leaves men playing this crazy game where we need to be very masculine but never acknowledge it.

What’s crazy is I started “squaring up” on my spouse in the same way I would before fighting someone, I.e. standing upright, puffing out chest, flexing my lats out and staring down at her just for fun sometimes and I can tell in instant change in her body language where she gets turned on. I also started doing this with female friends randomly that I have no interest in, but just testing out how they respond. I would say like 70% of the time they end up touching you in some way, not sexually but like moving to my side and grabbing my arm and leaning into me. I’m surprised I don’t hear about this more. I think it’s a biological response.

She obviously likes the way you look in boxers. Maybe ask her to buy you some Saxx brand boxers: synthetic stretchy, great support, durable. Two pairs got me about 1k trail miles. I've since replaced everything.

How does their synthetic hold up?

I’ve always bought their cotton boxer briefs and it seems that in recent years the durability has gone down. They used to last a few years a pair, but new pairs start to look baggy and sad after about 4-6 months. (They’re honestly off the list of products I buy right now.)

Mine are all a couple years old. I'd expect the same enshitification across the product line.

I find my clothing by asking ultralight hikers, runners, and bicyclists.

We agree on the overwhelming majority of important things (politics, cleanliness, nutrition, children)

interesting first choice 🤡

Dude, I know this is a weird question, but where do you buy your underwear. I've been wanting to try it out, but I can't really find a site that doesn't fetishize thong underwear for men.

Btw, I think there's nothing wrong with wearing something you're comfortable in.

MeUndies. They have tons of colors, great return policy if you don’t like them or they don’t fit, and they don’t fetishize it. I know what you are saying, when I first started looking they had a very obvious “target demographic” that I’m not a part of. I just wanted a solid, normal, comfortable man thong. Before that, jockey had great men’s thongs and some women’s thongs that definitely fit men and don’t look feminine. I’m hoping that Meundies starts to do more fabric types in men’s thongs, women get all the light and silky fabrics….

Oh no! My husband just started wearing thongy underwear and I'm enjoying the view ;)

Also he is really enjoying them as well, guess they feel better than boxers

I’m glad for both of you and that you are both enjoying it! It’s honestly such a small thing to get hung up on in our relationship that I just brush it off and move on.